Contact.0 – Blue Eyes White Cat
“I think you should stop.”
I was called out by an unfamiliar voice.
That happened when I was trying to discreetly slip a common chocolate pack into my pocket at the convenience store.
It was the voice of someone who firmly believed he’s doing the right thing.
I wanted to shake off the hand grabbing mine, but I couldn’t.
He had a thin girl-like face.
He’s also a little shorter than me, but he’s still a guy.
He’s stronger than me.
And his voice’s deeper than mine.
“I’ll let go if you stop.”
“This has nothing to do with you, right?”
“But it’s still a crime.”
Even so, I wanted to retort something. It’s still my fault though.
The words in my throat became a sigh, and I glared towards the clock on the wall. The minute and hour hand were in opposite directions, dividing the clock into half. In other words, it’s 6pm.
In another 5 hours, the world will be rewritten again.
Everything I did, and all traces of my existence will vanish. Whether I do succeed at stealing, it doesn’t matter. It’s all just for killing time, not about doing it until I get caught.
I put the chocolate back onto the shelf, and as he promised, he let go of my hand. Maybe it’s because he grabbed me firmly, for my arm’s still aching even after he let me go. I put my other hand on the hot, painful place, and head out towards the the entrance without looking at the boy.
Once I left, the howling winds cut at my bare face like sharp blades.
More than the cold, I felt pain.
Ow, ow, so I muttered.
But nobody stopped for a moment.
Everyone just kept on smiling, with some sort of a legal duty to keep living on happily, and never noticed someone like me. Everyone’s just indulging the vibrant lights and colors of the streets.
I deliberately shied away from the various sounds of the world, just listening to my own breathing and footsteps. I have feet. I’m moving forward. I’m breathing. My heart’s beating.
I was in such a place.
It should be all that I yearned, things I so desperately reached out for.
But even so, why do I feel such pain?
It’s not a tremendous pain, nor was it an intense fear, but in another sense, living on this world is the same as living on Hell. The loneliness and forlorn feeling accumulating every day was killing my heart slowly.
Suddenly, I unexpectedly heard someone calling out for me.
For me, who’s envious about such little things, I might have been tired of the concept of living.”
And I heard the voice.
The voice’s closer than before, loudly. At the same time, I felt that I heard this voice before.
“So I say,”
I kept walking to escape from the streets filled with happiness.
For me, happy music, the smiling faces of others, or even the call for others were akin to poison for me.
“Wait for me. I’m calling for you, so will you just stop for a moment?”
I was grabbed by the shoulder, and taken aback. I thought my heart was about to pop out. How many years had it been since I heard my shocked voice?
I turned back, and found the boy from before panting, standing behind me.
Feeling a little awkward, I pulled my distance, and glared at him.
“Wh-what? Got something you want?”
“Well, not really. If you don’t mind, this one’s for you.”
From the convenience store bag he was holding, the boy handed over the chocolate I tried to steal.
Once I realized what he was trying to do, I was enraged.
“I don’t need it.”
“Why? Didn’t you want to eat this?”
I didn’t really want the chocolate. I wanted something completely different.
But I couldn’t express myself clearly.
Because I didn’t know what the thing I wanted was.
“You don’t understand me at all, so why do this? Seriously, I really hate busybodies like you. I really, really hate you!!”
I yelled like a kid, my breathing erratic. I gasped, and the cold air entered my body, causing me much pain.
But I wouldn’t say that I was hurting again.
Because I didn’t want to be sympathized by the boy before me.
Hearing that, the boy looked down.
After a moment, he grabbed the bag in his hand firmly as he lifted his head. He looked towards me. The center of his eyes were glittering with light.
“But well, if you don’t hate sweets, can’t you accept these?”
“Look, I know I’m doing something very unlike me, but I guess I can give a gift to someone I don’t know just because I feel like it. Besides,”
The boy looked a little sad, and smiled with some hesitation.
“It’s Christmas Eve after all.”
“You’re a weirdo.”
The boy didn’t argue back; he shoved the bag to me, and ran off. Soon after, he disappeared into the darkness of the night city. The departing footsteps continued to echo in my chest.
Once again, I muttered.
It was a winter day, soon after I was 15.
That was how I encountered the boy whose name I knew not of.
Every Tuesday, starting from 10.54pm.
It might look like some late night commercial, but nobody other than me knows that the world changes at this time.
A new world will be born after all records of a certain girl are erased.
Due to a traffic accident eight years ago, there was a slight change to how the world should be.
A traffic accident’s not uncommon.
Many such news can be seen weekly.
In the country I live in, including all the minor incidents, it seemed there’s almost 500,000 traffic accidents. Amongst them, about 4,000 of them involve deaths, and the number of the deaths are about as many. In other words, each day, 11 people die, and for every two hours or so, someone dies due to a traffic accident.
Looking at it this way, it’s really not a rare thing.
But when the 500,000 or even the 4,000 aren’t just ordinary data, but names related to those near them, how much pain and gloom it causes? I personally experienced it.
Let’s talk about the past.
It’s the story of a family, that became part of the 500,000, 3 of the 4,000.
No, maybe it’s a little different.
After that, I’ll talk about the story of a certain girl who escaped from being one of the 4,000.
On her 7th birthday, the girl lost everything.
That day was supposed to be a special day for her. They were going to the theme park she really liked, together with her beloved family. There was no reason for her not to be happy.
“Wakey wakey, we’re here.”
The girl who fell asleep in the car was woken by her mother. She opened her eyes, and found a blurry figure. The figure that’s a little smaller was her little sister Umi. “Onee-tan, we’re here.” She mimicked her mother, shaking the girl’s body.
“Nnn. Morning Umi.”
“Ai. Morning onee-tan.”
Seeing this, both the father and the mother smiled.
Perhaps it was a form a undiluted happiness scattered everywhere in this world.
“Come on, let’s go. We’re going to enjoy ourselves all day. Let’s get ready!”
And with the enthusiastic father prompting, the girl got off the car, and found the castle she saw on TV before her eyes.
Wahh, the girl just cried out. Her consciousness was focused on the theme park before her. For her, the scenery could only be described as magical. Lights were shining everywhere, and even the voices seemed like they were full of color.
Just as her father had said, everyone was enjoying themselves fully—
They played at a few facilities, enjoyed delicious food, and toured a few attractions.
They really enjoyed themselves.
It was the best birthday ever.
Her father, holding lots of gifts in both hands, put the sleeping Umi back onto the car, and it was 9pm by the time they made their way back.
Normally, at this time, the family would be done showering, in their pajamas, but they were not sleepy at all. There was still some magic on them.
The girl chatted with her mother about the desserts they had that day, and her father chimed in a few words, a rarity for him. No can do however; a conversation between girls is forbidden to men.
Both of them deliberately ignored the father, who clicked his tongue just as the girl’s classmates did, pouting away. He’s probably not angry. It seemed he was enjoying the fact that he was teased by his daughter and wife.
It was a little gaudy, and the girl laughed.
Her mother laughed too.
And the sleeping Umi curled her lips happily.
Everything then vanished.
It all happened in an instant.
Bright white lights filled her vision, followed by a tremendous impact. After that, the girl didn’t know what happened.
It sounded like something broke.
It sounded like something tore apart.
It sounded like something shattered.
The screams of her parents were overwhelmed by something louder. The still young little sister probably couldn’t scream.
FInally, there came the sound signalling the end of everyone important to the girl. Ahh, to be precise, not a sound rang, but rather, it vanished. Yes, her intimate parents met their demise.
How much time had elapsed?
The girl’s parched throat finally exhaled, and she gained strength to open her eyes again. Three times, her eyelids tweaked, before she opened them. The world of hue was basked in flames.
The girl thought that she had to hurry and find her family, but her body couldn’t move at all. It was as though that wasn’t her own body. Just moments ago, she was freely moving her limbs, yet at this point, she couldn’t move them no matter how much strength she exerted.
Heat was the only thing coming out from her mouth, screaming at her immobilized body and numb heart.
She wanted to keep living.
She did not it to end like this.
For it would be too much.
She had lots of things she wanted to do.
She wanted to see the large fireworks during the summer vacation once again, to read books, to wear cute clothing, and to visit the theme park again. She wanted to experience romance with an amazing boy, just like those stories.
Yet everything was to be taken away mercilessly.
It was a place nothing could reach, not even rage, sadness, or any gut wrenching scream. ‘Death’ was waving before her eyes.
“I don’t want this.”
The girl eked out a silent voice with all her might.
“I hate this.”
The world was dyed in tears.
And contrasting the girl’s emotions, her consciousness was fading. It seemed the end was looming.
She was unable to open her eyes.
The light was closing.
She could not make a sound, and she did not know if she was even breathing.
Even if it was a hellish place, she wanted to remain.
She wanted to remain on this world.
Suddenly, the girl resisting death heard something.
No, perhaps it was wrong to say that she heard something. It was a question without the concepts of words or voice.
She merely felt it.
She realized that she could live if she nodded.
And thus, the girl consciously reached her hand out.
Desperately, yearningly, she stretched her arm forth.
“I want to live.”
The girl grabbed the light.
She recovered to find herself lying on the bed.
The white ceiling, the white room.
Strangers came and went. These people were all dressed in white clothes. The girl was simply asked for her name, and nothing much about the accident.
While feeling relieved, she felt disgusted to be abandoned.
She brought the unpalatable food into her mouth, and spent the entire day watching the TV. There was a news report of a traffic accident involving a certain family of three, and the news reporter continued with a monotonous tone. A tired truck driver, having driven for 36 consecutive hours, passed out for mere seconds, and four lives, including his own, vanished from this world.
It was a mistake. That should not have been the case.
There should be four in the family, and Umi should not have been an only child. She had an older sister. However, what the newscaster said was reality to the world.
A burning world of red.
Nobody in the world knew that in the place so difficult to breathe in, a girl miraculously survived. No, nobody knew that a certain girl was there. The fact had disappeared.
The girl wanted to scream, but she kept her mouth shut at all costs. She clung onto the bedsheets firmly, leaving firm wrinkles on it, enduring.
For it was the path she had decided.
Then, a week passed after the accident.
On that day, the girl saw the clock hands pass. The second hand tickered, and time easily passed. 10.54pm. In a split moment, the world was rewritten again.
It was the second time the world was rewritten.
In that case, she could no longer remain.
The girl, sneaking into her blanket, was prepared to leave the hospital. However, she kept waiting for the moment, wanting to personally witness what would happen.
And thus, the incident happened.
Initially, she heard a scream, one of a familiar voice. It was that of a young nurse, who was kindest to the girl in the hospital. She gave the girl sweets, and when the girl said that she liked to read, the nurse lent her some interesting books. This time, the nurse was shocked to find the girl, looking at the latter like an existence of unknown origin.
Upon the scream, people gathered.
Amongst them was the girl’s physician.
The girl knew both the doctor and the nurse’s names. In her mind, she tried to say them. This one’s Kanzaki-sensei. The nurse is Tanio-san.
Kanzaki-sensei approached. The girl got up from the bed, and stood up, facing the doctor. The doctor then said,
“Who, are you?”
These supposedly weightless words brought more weight upon the girl than what she could imagine.
The girl stumbled out of the ward room in a daze, and the people surrounding her opened a path, shunning her. She left, looked around, and found the words on the nameplate had vanished. Before she went to bed, she affirmed that her name was there. That was 30 minutes ago. During that time, nobody passed by before the ward room.
The girl descended the stairs, and left the hospital through the back door.
There was no family.
No place to return to.
All she had was her own life.
Thinking about this, the girl’s feelings exploded. There was no stopping. The pented emotions remained roaring within her, and if she did not let them out, the girl could have broken down.
So the girl screamed.
In the moonless night, the stars were the only ones flickering. The exhaled air became white mist as it was winter, but the snow never fell. Somehow, the girl felt strangely cold. Her throat was fiery.
She screamed towards the sky.
She hollered towards the world.
Tears fell from her eyes.
The people who knew of the girl no longer existed.
The girl’s me, and I’m alone on this world.
I was at the bench in the small park, munching at the chocolate I received from the boy whose name I knew not of. I took a bite, and was a little surprised, for I tasted sweetness. For many years, I couldn’t taste anything no matter what I ate.
For every bite I took, the chocolate got a little smaller. I looked at the shrinking chocolate, feeling sad. Ah, I see. So this is ‘sadness’. I never thought I would have such feelings left.
I had no strength to stand, and I feebly mumbled.
Maybe it’s too cold, and my hands were numb, so I couldn’t feel anything even after touching it. I was like a corpse, so I thought as I nibbled at the shrunken chocolate. It’s very sweet, so sweet that tears are about to fall.
5 minutes passed, and the chocolate entered the stomach completely.
I leaned on the backrest, and looked up at the sky.
The grey clouds drifted away, as though leaving me alone in this time. Maybe it’s because the breeze’s too strong, for the clouds twisted at a shocking speed, changing shapes, and finally departing.
“What am I doing…”
Nobody answered me. Well, I knew that would happen.
I was about to toss the crumpled packaging, rolled into a ball, into the trash bin, but for some reason, I held it with both hands, before putting it into my pocket.
After a moment of thought, I put my hands in my pockets, stood up, and began to walk after aimlessly.
There was nothing significant about me not discarding the packaging. However, my current life’s basically like that. Just breathing, just walking, just letting time pass. Look, there’s no meaning to anything. In any case, even if there is, it’ll disappear.
This is the price I had to pay for living on.
The light I grabbed that day was ‘something’. Yes, ‘something’. Even with all the languages in this world, I probably can’t describe that. If I had to describe the closest thing, it’s probably a ‘miracle’.
And I, who touched that ‘something’, knew various things.
Like for example, it’s predetermined that this existence called the world will move towards its end. Humanity calls that flow fate, or history, and the process doesn’t seem like it can be changed.
I kept thinking as I walked on, only for a pebble to touch my shoe, rolling on the ground. Then, a boy behind me kicked that pebble. It rolled into the grass, and a bird that seemed to be in the grass before then flew off.
It all started because I kicked into a pebble here.
The gears of fate are slightly repositioned.
This little distortion may one day cause a huge one in the distant future. It will change something as big as the fate of the world──
I, who should have died at that moment, became an existence that could no longer exist on this world. Thus, all my actions will become a Black Box, with the hidden potential to change the fate of the world.
On the other hand, the act of living is to move towards the future. The future taken from me is meaningless.
Thus, as the price for living, my past was taken away. Before the fang of change could reach the distant future, the source was cut off, and the path to the future is realigned accordingly.
Every Tuesday night, 10.54pm, everything before then will be deemed the ‘past’, and my existence will be erased from the ‘past’, all memories of my name, my face, nobody remembers. And then, all discrepancies caused by my disappearance will be ironed out.
All I got in exchange for all that was a mere one week future.
God Himself won’t offer an 8th day.
It’s like I’m playing Musical Chairs.
Every day, a chair goes missing, and on the 8th day, all of them will vanish. Game over. To continue, I have to start over again.
I know. I grabbed the light, knowing that would happened.
Thus, I couldn’t blame anyone.
I could only continue to live on.
To spend some time, I took the long road towards the station, only to hear a purr somewhere.”
It was near the gutter. There was some wild grass there, and I couldn’t see what it was, but something’s there. I looked around, but there was nobody other me. Meow. That was a sound only I could hear.
I knew that pain.
I knew that loneliness.
I understood that despair more than anyone else
Before I knew it, I had pulled the wild grass aside, looking deep into the gutter.
There was a kitten, a little dirty. It’s covered in dirt, and the fur color’s not too obvious. It’s probably not born for long. Its claws, legs, body are so small, its voice so soft. The blue eyes were the only parts large, like it’s looking down on Earth from space, though I never got to see Earth from space.
The cry for someone became a cry for me.
The blue eyes captivated me.
Just me alone.
“Want to come along with me?”
I reached my hand out, touching its fur. It’s soft and warm. It fel a long time since I felt warmth.
I took the kitten back to the hotel, naming it ‘Shiro’. After I washed it, it showed beautiful white fur.
Shiro’s a quiet female cat, so quiet that her purring to me seemed like an illusion.
For feeding, I fed it milk through a pipette. It seemed she hated the milk powder, but once I brought it to her mouth, she obediently swallowed.
Shiro’s still young, not physically able, so I had no intention of taking her out. Of course, I never left as I had to take care of her.
I remained by Shiro’s side, sitting on the chair, reading to pass the day.
Shiro would fawn about at times, tapping my leg, and at such moments, I would carry her and put her on my thighs. She would then fall asleep contentedly. I felt the weight and warmth of life as I flipped through the pages. It had been a long while since I felt the warmth of somebody. I felt that I was being saved by these things.
“If you keep sleeping, you’ll grow fat.”
Shiro continued to sleep, not purring at me at all. It’s a little boring. Hey, let’s chat.
“You really have such pretty fur. You’re skinny too. It’ll be a waste if you grow fat.”
You’re noisy, so I got scolded.
She seemed a little annoyed to be disturbed in her nap. That however left me a little happen. There were times when I teased her too much, and got scratched by her. The pain however left me a happy.
After all, a wound caused by someone else is proof that I made contact with someone else.
I gently stroked Shiro’s fur, and she fell asleep again.
“Ahh, I feel like sleeping too.”
I closed the book, and put it on the table, closing my eyes. I was sitting on the chair, with Shiro sleeping on my lap. It was a difficult posture to fall asleep in, but I could easily fall asleep that easily. My consciousness swayed between soberness and delirium. Then, I quickly fell asleep, as though falling into a trap.
A long time passed.
When I woke up, I found the surroundings to be completely covered in darkness. Maybe it’s due to my weird posture that when I woke up, the first thing I felt was the pain on my neck, and then my back. My legs were completely numb, but Shiro’s still sleeping on my legs, so I couldn’t move. I extended my arms, and after much effort, I got the remote control on the table on my hand, pressing the button. After that, the orange light lit the 4 tatami-sized room like a weak flame.
“Nn.”I stretched my back to relax my stiffened muscles, and checked the current time. 10.57pm. It had been 3 minutes past 10.54pm. Seemed like I slept for almost 8 hours.
It’s Tuesday. The correction had been executed.
I had to hurry and leave. But before that, I had to wake up this lazy, sleepy cat.
Will Shiro be shocked when she wakes up?
She has no memories of me after all.
But as Shiro’s a kitten, she probably wouldn’t ask me “Who are you?” right? Once I feed her, she’ll cling onto me again.
I called for Shiro, stroking her fur. But the next moment, I was taken aback, and reeled my hand back.
Shiro’s body was stiff and cold.
“Shiro, are you dead?”
I softly asked, wanting to affirm it.
But Shiro would never ever purr again.
That was the answer.
Shiro surely was fated to die in the gutter. Probably due to starvation and the cold. I prevented its death however.
However, a creature fated to die will never get past the point of death, and continue into the future.
The reality deemed that for the week, I never fed Shiro. The world was corrected.
Shiro’s body lost its lifeforce and strength, and felt a lot lighter than when she was alive. It’s said a soul’s 21 grams in weight. But is that true?
Tears trickled down.
The tears landed on Shiro’s soft fur.
I gritted my teeth, holding back my sobbing. Normally, on a typical day, I could easily shut up, but for some reason, I couldn’t stop myself even after exerting myself much more than usual. A muffled voice kept coming from between my lips.
I wanted to stop my tears.
Because they were not pretty at all.
I was not crying for Shiro. I was crying for myself. The loneliness I felt after this warmth I finally managed to obtain had disappeared, and the uneasiness in my heart fell in the form of tears. My chest was aching. The softest part of my heart was being gorged at, aching.
I kept shaking, gritting my teeth, grabbing my arms firmly. It really hurt.
But my heart was aching infinitely more so.
I couldn’t just leave Shiro’s body as she was, and on the next day, I started looking for a place to bury her.
If I died, I won’t wish for anyone else to see my rotting body. That’s definitely what Shiro thought.
I bought a cardboard box at a supermarket, and laid out a pretty, white bath towel, putting Shiro on it. She looked like she’s sleeping. If I talked to her, will she open her eyes? Will she purr towards me again? She can scratch me again.
Even though I knew it’s impossible.
In the end, I decided to bury Shiro’s empty husk in an empty field not too far away from the station. While there’s a ‘private property’ signboard there, who cares? I dug at the ground with a scoop.
“What’s she doing?” While on the way, I sensed a few curious looks at me, only for them to look aside. It’s a piece of land with few people passing by, but it didn’t mean there wasn’t anyone. There wasn’t any weirdo who came to talk to me though. Everyone just glanced at me, and then looked away.
I kept progressing on, but as I kept going, my shoulders got increasingly heavier due to the fear and fatigue of wondering if this will be erased. Any actions I do alone might be deemed as ‘never done’. If there’re many witnesses, the possibility of that goes higher.
But even so, I could only press on.
For I had nobody else to ask.
Over the past few years, my physical strength had been declining, and maybe that’s why I needed lots of time to dig a hole big enough for Shiro to rest in. Suddenly, there was a sharp sound shaking my ears, dragging on.
It seemed I dug into a rock buried underneath. The hand holding the scoop was aching. I fell onto my butt, which I normally wouldn’t do. I gulped down the tea from the PET bottle I bought. After some time, the numbness in my hand vanished.
Suddenly, I heard a voice above me.
“What are you doing?”
I looked up, and found a boy of similar age to me standing there. He was wearing a black shirt with red trims, a large shoulder bag slung over. It’s a familiar I saw before.
“Not you again?”
“Eh, have we met before?”
The boy looked incredulous.
Ah, I see. Two rewrites happened since we met. There’s nothing about me in his memories. He doesn’t remember anything about me, neither about the part when he gave chase after me, or that he gave me chocolate.
But if it’s him, so I thought.
If it’s him, the goody-goody stranger who gave me chocolate, maybe he’ll listen to my request.
I stood up, dusted the sand off my butt, and lowered my head. I forced a smile, probably, since it’s a little stiff. Well, it’s not like I got a choice, since I had long forgotten how to make a natural smile.
“Sorry. I think I’m mistaken here. Actually, the cat I raised here is dead, so I’m making a grave for her. If you don’t mind, can you help me out?”
I thought he would have been a little unwilling, “Got it.” but he responded. He nodded, put his shoulder bag down, and pulled out the scoop on the ground, beginning to dig at it. This time, I made sure that I wasn’t sitting on the ground, watching the back that was surprisingly more reliable than it looked.
“Hey, why did you talk to me?”
The boy continued what he was doing, and answered,
“You looked like you’re about to cry.”
“You’re lying. I wasn’t, making such a face.”
I touched my cheeks with my hand, and my fingers weren’t wet.
I guess, I didn’t cry after all?
“Yep. But that’s how it looked to me. You’re just looking troubled there, helpless, but you’re still working hard, giving that determined look. I can’t just ignore you when you look that way.”
“I get it. You’re a weirdo.”
“Nobody said that about you?”
He avoided the question.
“…Well, it’s like I don’t have a passion or discipline to do anything, so I guess that’s why. I think I really admire those that are completely different from me, the ones who seriously insist on doing what they want, fighting on. It’s stubborn, but I really hope such people don’t give up, don’t look back. I’m just pushing my ideals on others, and in turn, I’ll help out.”
“Is there such a person before?”
I nonchalantly asked.
“That person, as in?”
“The ones that look cool, but end up messing up.”
“I get it. It’s really tough, unbearable. But even so–“
His voice slowly got softer, before it vanished. However, his words had some passion within them, I felt, and it seemed to me that he’s not someone without passion or discipline. It’s just that he thought of himself as such a person.
Or maybe, he hadn’t encountered something that could get him fired up.
“Hmm. In that case, it’ll be great if you find it one day.”
“I’m talking about you finding what you say you want.”
The boy merely chuckled, not answering anything. He continued to work silently.
Finally, before me was a deep hole. It’s enough to bury Shiro in.
“Is it her?”
The boy looked towards Shiro in the box.”
“And the name?”
“I call her Shiro.”
“Because she’s white?”
“Yes. Simple right?”
“Well, I think it’s a nice name. They say that the name describes the person after all.”
After burying Shiro’s carcass into the ground, we clapped hands together to pray. We didn’t build a grave. I was the one praying, but I didn’t know what to pray.
“This little one was alone in the gutter when I first met her.”
The boy just listened, instead of looking at me with suspicious eyes when I suddenly spoke up.
“A week passed since then. It seemed like I was called by her. When I asked her, you want to come along, it purred. But Shiro’s life was just extended by a week. So I thought. If she stayed in the gutter for a week, would she be relieved a little easier? Say, is there a point to extend her lifespan for just a week?”
It’s the same thing about my life.
I watched my parents and Umi die, and cheated death alone. But reality’s not some kind thing. I didn’t know when it started, but I was wondering why I wanted to live on.
In the Winter Skies, I discovered Sirius’ powerful flow.
In Greek, it’s a blueish white light that means scorching. In that case, I should have disappeared in that flame back then.
But the reality is that I’m still alive. I chose to live on my own will, and since the night I lost everything, I’ve been looking for my reason to live.
“But even so, you accompanied her, right?”
The boy, who had been listening quietly, spoke up,
“If there’s any meaning to letting Shiro live for a week longer, I’m guessing that meaning is in your heart. She got your love, so much so that her death caused you sadness. That chance alone makes her happy, I guess. Ah, yeah. That’s because,”
–You won’t forget this week, right?
“Is there a purpose of living?”
“I guess so. I don’t know what Shiro thinks, but this is what I think. If someone’s able to remain in a certain person’s heart and be loved, that’s a blessing to Life.”
The boy’s words sank into my heart fully.
I see. If I’m able to remain in a certain person’s heart, then there’s purpose of having lived. If I can do it, maybe I can find a little meaning to my life.
I looked towards the boy next to me. This goody-goody boy probably can remember me no matter how many years after I disappear.
I’ve been thinking how to use my life.
Yep. I’ve decided.
“Say, what’s your name?”
“Haruyoshi Segawa. You?”
The boy’s mere existence took the shape of Haruyoshi Segawa in my heart.
I didn’t say this to Segawkun.
Please like me.
Please mark me in your heart, and remember me forever.
When that reality happens, surely, I’ll–
Thinking about that, I beamed,
“I’m Yuki Shiina. Please take care of me.”