I know I should act like I didn't see such a drama, should show no concern like before, should maintain the expressionless face and heart like still water that once was.
But I didn't manage to do it.
I am indeed an impulsive and unreasonable person.
In consideration of this tense moment, my actions appear extremely abrupt, those three people's eyes all collectively falls onto me, not one pair sharing similar looks.
I instantly cry out pretentiously: "Aiya, this servant was afraid the snacks would go cold……"
I secretly ridicule myself inside, then restore my expressionless face as I face the two women that have stopped crying to look at me, saying: "Your highness, Young Lady, this servant deserves death, this servant didn't hold it well with a tremble of the hands." I lower my head and look at the snacks that had fallen and rolled everywhere, unable to hold back from laughing out loud, "This servant sure is incredibly stupid, look at this, such pretty snacks have now all become beyond recognition, afraid that even the Imperial Kitchen's dog won't even eat it."
"What is a servant like you speaking so much for?" Ah-Ruo's voice carries the hoarseness from crying, eyes red like a little bunny, "Aren't you going to hurriedly clean it up?!"
I smile, "Of course, of course, this servant will naturally have to clean it up, but Young Lady should also clean up, clean up yourself, that face of Young Lady's……" I eye her up a few times, saying with heartfelt sincerity: "Is so ugly."
Ah-Ruo's face instantly turns blue, "You……"
I sound "pu-chi" as I burst out into laughter, saying to the absentminded Consort Yi: "Your highness Consort Yi, from what this servant sees ah, this sister of yours needs some extra pampering, has yet to enter the palace yet she already has your highness' force, your highness' family sure is amazing." I then speak to Ah-Ruo again: "Young Lady, this servant shall offer you my apologies now, may Young Lady give this servant some good promotion in future, this servant shall clean everything up now and leave."
After saying that, I don't look at those few people's expression, squatting down to pick up the plate shards from the ground. As I pick them up, I regretfully think I've made another mistake, how could I possibly act so brazenly before He Lian Chen and Consort Yi? I am only a eunuch right now, a negligible eunuch that can be slaughtered as they wish, what identity and position do I have to be flipping tables with them?
But there's a spot deep inside my heart that is in pain, severe pain.
I haven't given rise to intense emotions for so, so long, I thought I had already lost this ability, but turns out I didn't lose it, I still remember all those betrayal, those betrayal that carves one's hate into the bones.
"Sister, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't like his majesty, but I have loved him much earlier than you……"
As I listen to this, I find it funny, An Qing has also once said 'sorry' to me before, but they have forgotten, 'sorry' is the world's most shameless word.
I pick up the shards one by one and place them onto the tray, those finely shattered shards cutting into the skin brings a tingling pain, subtle, but gives my heart some kind of discharge. Deep inside, I nonsensically count and count, calculating what number I will reach for He Lian Chen to speak up and send me away.
"Enough, no need to pick them up." He Lian Chen's deep voice finally sounds, "Get out!"
En, I just counted up to 'fifteen'.
"This servant shall withdraw." I swiftly stand up and turn around, getting ready to leave, but my arm was suddenly pulled back, followed by He Lian Chen voice, subtly wrapped in anger, saying: "You two get out, you stay here!"
Hearing this, Ah-Ruo was so shocked, she forgot to even cry, whilst Consort Yi glances at He Lian Chen with complex feelings and then turns and leaves. Ah-Ruo also directs her pitiful eyes at He Lian Chen when she sees this, then prepares to hold Consort Yi's hand to leave together, but Consort Yi just slowly moves aside and avoids her hand, her back straight yet slightly shaky.
I cannot hold back the mocking smile that surges up my heart, look at that, this usually proud and arrogant woman is also just a pitiful person right now, who is the strong, who is the weak, who is the winner, and who is the loser?
Throughout the ages, between hate and pity, good people and bad people, what clear dividing line is there?
Just when I was absentmindedly watching those two people's leaving figures, a burst of pain comes from my arm, followed by He Lian Chen pulling me into his embrace. He lowers his head and looks dead at me, handsome face carrying suppressed anger, "You're very bold, to actually drop all of zhen's snacks?!"
His furious tone, and the question coming from his mouth, doesn't match up, I don't have the mind to go thinking about what exactly he's angry with, only calmly saying: "This servant was clumsy, may your majesty spare me."
The force in He Lian Chen's hands strengthens, the gold in his eyes slightly flashing, "Spare you? Then can you tell zhen what you were angry at just now?"
I tacitly smile, "Afraid your majesty had seen wrong, how could this servant be angry, this servant's hands had just carelessly trembled."
Hearing this, He Lian Chen instantly raises my chin, the gold in his eyes becoming more and more apparent, "An Ke Lan, don't play games with zhen, you don't dare to say it, then how about zhen say it for you?"
I deliberately act puzzled as I look at him, "Your majesty's meaning is?"
He Lian Chen lowers his head to meet my eyes, at such a close distance that his eyelashes practically brushes my face when he blinks. He word by word says: "Did you just think of Yuwen Rui and your imperial sister just now?"
I'm slightly stunned upon hearing this, Yuwen Rui and Imperial Sister?
In the next second, I come to understand what he's saying. That's true, the roles He Lian Chen and the Consort Yi sisters had just played out, just happens to neatly match I and Yuwen Rui. as well as Imperial Sister, for He Lian Chen to be able to immediately think of this, it sure is reasonable. Although what I was thinking of just now, wasn't this, but this explanation of his, sure renders me unsure of how to respond.
In the small moment I had fallen silent, He Lian Chen had already grown impatient, he slips his arm around my waist and lifts me up, just like that, I was hanging in his embrace. His thick brows tightly knit together, tone carrying pressure like the calm before the storm, "You like that cousin of yours that much?"
I half lower my eyes and say: "En." Since he is willing to think this way, then he can continue with this misunderstanding.
He Lian Chen is not angered and instead laughs, "Like? What use is there for you to like him?" He pastes himself right against my ear, slowly speaking with ill intent: "Zhen shall tell you some good news, that cousin of yours is happily preparing the wedding ceremony with your imperial sister right now, in less than a few days, he'll be Yun Mi's imperial consort. Say, when that time comes, will he still remember you - this cousin of his?"
My breathing slightly lags, continue to speak calmly: "Will remember if he wishes, will forget if he wishes not to." It is as simple as that.
"You sure are very open-minded." He Lian Chen coldly harrumphs, pulling back from my face as he says with a pressing tone: "An Ke Lan, even if you are a princess of Yun Mi, right now, you are just someone by zhen's side, zhen wants your eyes, heart and mind to only contain zhen, and not the one who had forgotten about you to prepare to get married."
He lets go of me after saying this, looking at me meaningfully, then turns and leaves, leaving me behind in the pavilion, alone. I rub my pained arm with a seeming smile, now that I'm facing him every day, of course there's only him in my eyes, but as for the heart……
I raise my head to look at the skies outside the pavilion, the boundless sky, just occasionally having the few black dots of birds flying past, I recall that cold man's firm words of 'trust me', finally hooking up the corners of my lips.
Didn't I say I haven't placed anyone in my heart? But why is it that when I heard the news of him marrying Imperial Sister, I would feel a slight chill? I reach up to cover my chest, tightly biting down on myself in self-mockery, An Ke Lan ah, An Ke Lan, in the end, you have still grown feelings for him, be it of more or less.
Of course, He Lian Chen's words cannot be trusted, if those words of his are true, in contrast, I should be glad. At least I didn't let it grow into love, didn't sink deep, that just means, I don't need to take on the pain I once felt. I just need to uproot these feelings, then I can restore my character of no feelings, and no desire. Look at this, how simple it is.
I bitterly smile, that's right, how simple it is, just someone who accompanied me day and night for over a decade, just someone who knows me best, just that one person that had taken joy in picking on me since young, just, he and I just……just share concern for one another that is different to any other person.
Alternatively, should those words of his be false……
I once again hold up the tray and walk out, everything, shall just go with the flow.
Ever since saying all those words to me in the pavilion that day, He Lian Chen treated me with a lukewarm attitude, and a little eunuch like me could only lower my head and bear with the master's neglect. These few days, the happiest one is undoubtedly Xiao Shun Zi, the amount of times He Lian Chen asks for me has decreased by a lot, Xiao Shun Zi thus logically because the 'red man (favoured one)' before him. Xiao Shun Zi had even kindly comforted me, saying something like "working by his majesty's side is just like this" "what his majesty says is what shall be done" and words of this sort, I find him really funny when I hear all this.
Today is the day He Lian Chen goes out for hunting, Xiao Shun Zi and I are amongst the maids and eunuchs that follows along to the hunting grounds. That golden quiver of He Lian Chen's is also being held in the arms of the very cautious yet struggling Xiao Shun Zi, who needs to give it a few wipes with his sleeves from time to time.
"Xiao Lan Zi, this is the first time you'll be seeing his majesty hunting, right?" Xiao Shun Zi asks me rather deliberately.
I nod, "En."
Xiao Shun Zi proudly say with a flaunting attitude: "Let me tell you, his majesty's archery skills are a hundred out of hundred accurate, shooting with great precision! Having lived so many years, I really haven't seen anyone with better archery skills than his majesty!"
I think to myself, well isn't that right, how many people have you seen?
Xiao Shun Zi then says: "This hunting ground ah, is a place for men, look at his majesty's horse-riding posture, how heroic and radiant, how……"
I reach out to nudge Xiao Shun Zi, signalling him to look at He Lian Chen who is riding over from afar, "Eunuch Shun, afraid his majesty's wants the quiver in your arms."
Xiao Shun Zi immediately extends his thin and frail arms as he raises the quiver up high, "His majesty sure rides that horse very fast, ha."
I withdraw a few steps, "Eunuch Shun should hold it up well."
Xiao Shun Zi straightens up his back even more upon hearing this, both eyes rounded as he stares at He Lian Chen hectically galloping over, He Lian Chen rides the horse faster and faster, before even reaching us, he had already stirred up a cloud of dust. I slightly squint my eyes, attempting to block the dust, but immediately feel my waist tighten as I am hoisted up from the ground, when I open my eyes again, I had already been seated in front of He Lian Chen. I turn my head to see Xiao Shun Zi in the distance, just seeing him maintaining that posture with a stunned look, seemingly unable to understand why He Lian Chen had went from taking the quiver to 'picking up a person'.
The speed of the horse's running is very fast, He Lian Chen has one arm circled around my waist, so I am able to sit considerably stable, but even then, I still feel my body shake and shake. I am somewhat unable to bear with this bumpy ride, hence trying my best to speak up and say: "Your majesty, where are we going?"
I feel He Lian Chen's chest slightly vibrate, voice coldly saying: "Hold back on the words, you'll know once we're there."
I cannot help thinking: isn't he engaging in a cold war with me right now? Could it be, he wants to throw me away into the mountain as a prey, and then come hunting for me?
Eh, speaking of which, what's that again, he wouldn't be that villainous, right?