All alone in a creepy, sickening and hollow yet beautiful world. Is this a dream?—this place, vaguely twisted and distorted? I thought, while gazing at a bubble, moving up and down over and over again.
Would it be more appropriate to call this my memory? No, such a thing never happened in my life.
Would it be more appropriate to call this my record? No, I have never touched such a thing.
That fading bubble turned into scent, into noise, into an image, brushed gently on my skin, and sometimes gave off a taste.
It was a feeling that made me feel nostalgic and empty simultaneously. It made me feel as if I was being forced to pick up and read the book I threw away thinking I wouldn't need it.
This is not mine. While knowing that to be true, I also understood that only I knew that.
In other words, this was—at the same time, mine.
How should I express it?
—If you are okay with cliches, then I guess I can call it my previous world.
She was a normal girl born to a family with both parents and a younger sister and into a world highly advanced.
A girl, who had or did nothing worthy of mention other than the fact that she died an early death.
A girl who did not have any hobbies she could be passionate about like her sister. A girl who had a slightly cold and lacking personality.
A girl who did not really leave an impression on the people around her—that was the kind of girl she was.
The fading bubble brought about only the most vivid memories from the girl's memories. In other words, going behind from her death, those memories aren't really old either. My senses grew dull and distant as I gazed and experienced the girl's memories one by one—as I experienced her life.
This goes without saying but this girl is a completely different being from me and while I can understand her thought process, I can't sympathize with it anymore.
(I have been getting exhausted quite often lately…..)
The girl's voice faded out slowly.
That was what she had thought sometime before her death. Is she getting tired from running because she had not been involved in any exercise since high school? Then what about running out of breath just from going up and down the stairs? Is this also because of low stamina?
At that moment, the girl remembered—'ah, I have been using the elevator and escalators recently and have hardly used my legs to walk. I have only used the car or the train when going outside somewhere, not walking more than a kilometer'.
As that bubble dissolved and disappeared, the next bubble came rising up.
(Something's weird. Was I, always this weak?)
Before she knew it, the girl had become unable to properly continue standing. Many times when she went to sleep at night, she felt suffocated and often woke up feeling dizzy.
Is lack of sleep the reason behind the swelling on her limbs and face?
This condition continued and finally after collapsing more than 5 times, the girl took a break from her studies and returned to her parents to start controlling her life and health thoroughly. Every single day, she woke up at the designated time like a machine, ate calculated amount of food and had done the proper amount of exercise.
However, the situation did not turn for the better at all. On the contrary, she had started to feel a pain in her chest from time to time.
And then, on a certain night, she writhed in pain and passed away.
The bubble distorted as if it was twisting the body. The pain and suffering the girl felt lightly covered me like the bubble and just when I thought I could somehow get past this crushing pain, the next bubble came floating.
The girl did not have a clear opinion on most things.
This grew worse when the subject at hand was difficult—for example, although the girl was able to talk about her favorite food, she couldn't say whether it was good or bad to eat an intelligent animal.
On the other hand, her younger sister was a person who voiced her opinion clearly and disliked the tendency of giving vague answers.
The younger sister was not pleased with her elder sister's weak-mindedness and the elder sister was unable to comprehend her younger sister's ability to properly express herself.
As if to represent the things it projected, the bubble disappeared after becoming vague and blurry. The next bubble came floating up.
'You seem to be in bad shape recently. Are you doing alright?'
After collapsing thrice during a lecture, she was finally called to talk to the instructor. Seeing the girl's badly swollen face, the instructor recommended a checkup at the hospital.
The girl had gone for a checkup but maybe because they couldn't find out the exact reason for her illness, they told her to reconsider her daily habits and way of life.
The girl had done everything she could in her atypical student life, however, her condition had only worsened.
The faded bubble disappeared once again. I had slowly started to feel my heart growing dry from looking at the bubbles. Without a care in the world, the next bubble came floating up and I helplessly took it in.
When the girl had returned to her parents' home and was re-evaluating her daily life, her parents recommended her to do something for entertainment, as well. Certainly, the plan the girl came up with was too mechanical.
However, the girl was unable to think of something that would bring her pleasure or entertainment. The girl had no special hobbies. She usually just watched television or checked the internet, read the manga or magazine she borrowed from a friend—activities to kill time.
'—Hey, this game is recommended by a lotta people, you wanna try it?'
Being unable to look at the girl's condition, her younger sister suggested.
I felt goosebumps all over my body. For some reason, that is one memory I do not want to recall. It makes feel extremely sick.
The moment I thought that, I had vigorously emerged to the surface.
The faded bubble and the loathsome tint—everything lost color and rapidly disappeared into the distance.
Even still, I didn't wake from the dream. This time, being overwhelmed by slumber and feeling everything grow distant, I was made to gaze at my world.