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The squeaky noises of the soles of sneakers sliding against the smooth floor echoed throughout the dance studio.

We danced to the explosive beat and melody of Yoso's song as if it were our own. We mouthed the lyrics that we had heard over and over again as we moved without any rest.

Even until the end, all five of our lines of movement fell into place without any messy spots. Our choreography was in total sync as if we were a single person.

When the song ended and the squeaky noises of our sneakers stopped, our jagged breaths replaced the silence.

It had already been five days since we had received the dance cover mission. We were holed up in the dance studio day and night to practice highly technical movements.

During the night, we practised iridescent's debut song, Demonische. During the day, we practised the dance cover of Yoso for the reality show.

In the first two days, we continued to confuse the choreography of the two songs, which was why we had decided to split the practising times for the two songs and re-memorise them.

Since their melody and rhythm were completely different from each other, memorising the choreographies of the two songs didn't take us much time or effort.

Yoso's song was passionate and exciting from start to end, while Demonische began in a syncopated rhythm that brought out its dreamlike melody. The only part of the song that changed to on-the-beat rhythms was in the climax, which made it even easier to differentiate it from Yoso's song.

"Phew. If we want enough time to edit and send in the video, we should film the dance cover today," said Seo Yoon-hyung, after trying to regulate his breath for a long time.

"""Yes."""

I answered as I concentrated on breathing slowly. I had no strength left in me to offer a longer reply due to my lack of sleep and accumulated exhaustion.

Since we were spending our time tied down to the dance studio day and night, our sleeping hours began to decrease as did the frequency of returning to our flat. We used the shower room next to the dance studio when we needed to shower, and had a pile of our clothes to change into stacked on one side of the dance studio. When we were tired from practice to the point where we were about to collapse, we ended up just sleeping in the dance studio after showering.

Hahh, why did I decide to become an idol in the first place?
I really want to go back and kill my past self.

"Hahh…"

"Hyunggg, are you tired?"

"Yeah, the drowsiness is killing me."

Ryu Sunho had been excusing himself from his classes since the entrance ceremony to focus on practising. His school had been informed that we were filming a reality show as our debut approached.

Seo Yoon-hyung was replaying our practice videos on the camera. He stood up all of a sudden and said, "I'll be heading out for a moment to speak to Chief. I have something I want to discuss with her, so I'll go ask her if that'd be possible."

"Sure."

"Have a safe trip, hyunggg."

"Be back soon."

"Okay."

We all replied and glanced at Seo Yoon-hyung's back as he left the dance studio before straightening our heads.

"Just a little more and we'll be done, Lee Suan."

"Yeah, I know. You still seem energetic."

All this bastard has is stamina…
Perhaps because of my lack of sleep or because I had dreamt about my life before returning in time for the past few nights, I was on edge.

"Hyung, do you want me to massage your hands? That might help wake you up."

"No."

A strange sense of dissociation hit me.
I feel like my headache is getting worse. This isn't how you acted towards me in the past.

"Hyunggg, do you want a massage?"

"Don't."

I saw their past self overlapping with their present self. Am I in the past, or the present? Was this really a dream? Everything was swirling in my head, and my words grew thorns as they escaped my mouth.

I also didn't like that the tall-ass doggy bastard was gently patting my shoulder.

—slap!

I swatted away Ryu Sunho's hand that was placed on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me."

This was probably the first time that I had spoken coldly since my return in time.

"H-Hyunggg…?"

It wasn't long before the shock on Ryu Sunho's face began to turn into pain.

"Lee Suan?"

"Hahh. Lee Suan, did something happen?"

Park Jitae, who had been standing next to me and telling me just a little bit more, spoke with a slightly restrained voice.

"Hey, Oh Rion."

"Yes, hyung?"

"Take Ryu Sunho and go for a walk."

"Hyunggg, I'm okay. It's because I kept touching Suan-hyung when he didn't want me to—"

"I know. So just go and get us some water with Oh Rion."

"Yes."

"Okay…"

Park Jitae called Oh Rion over, glanced at Ryu Sunho who still seemed hurt, and sent them out of the dance studio. Only Park Jitae and I remained in the studio.

"Lee Suan."

"What!"

"Is something wrong?"

Something wrong, my ass.

"Hey, I'll only know if you say something."

"…Nothing's wrong."

"Then are you just lashing out on Ryu Sunho?"

Park Jitae's low, husky voice sounded almost frightening. It felt cold and emotionless.
Perhaps it was because I was on edge—but I thought for a moment that Park Jitae's voice sounded similar to his voice from before my return in time when he had despised me.

"Hahh… Lee Suan, you're not the only one who's exhausted here. I get that you're tired, but did you really need to let your anger out on your teammate?"

Yeah, right. If the team was so important to you guys, why did you need to let your anger out on me back then?

However, Park Jitae's words slapped me awake. Disgust washed over me.

You two-faced bastard.

Since our debut was confirmed, I had never once deserted the group and left alone until now. Even up until my retirement during my difficult young days, I kept everything to myself so that nobody would have to suffer the consequences of my actions. Perhaps that was why I felt uncomfortable in one corner of my heart despite my confusion.

After Park Jitae's final question, I had internally cursed at him—you two-faced bastard—and stormed out of the dance studio. Now I was wandering aimlessly around the streets.
I had no destination nor a place I could go to. Instead, I walked around to organise my thoughts and feelings.

Ah, what time is it?

It had been long since I turned off my phone, which probably would have received a lot of missed calls by now, and put it deep inside my pocket. The tip of my nose was red in the fierce wind and my hands were freezing cold.

Right, I turned off my phone…

Winter hadn't left the early March weather. The wind was frigid and I could see my opaque white breaths in the air dissipate in front of me. The darkness that had settled into the sky in this cold weather told me that a long time had already passed.

In the end, this is where I come back to.
I had nowhere else to go. Where my footsteps led me was none other than our flat.

Everyone else still seemed to be in the dance studio. Even though it was quite late, no sound came from the flat. Darkness awaited me in the house without a single light turned on.

Now that I think, did Park Jitae even look for me after I left?
As I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes, the scars from the past that I had locked away in one corner of my heart overwhelmed me like a large wave.

I'm tired. It's too difficult. I want to quit…

Why was I sent to the past to meet everyone who had changed? Was it so that I could live my past once again and not leave any regrets, or was I punished to live with all my pain once again?

Goddammit. If whatever destiny sent me back in time after hurting me that much, it should've erased my past memories.

.

.

Send me back! Send me back to when I had let go of everything. Send me back to when I finally had peace of mind.

All I wanted was to fall asleep, bothered by no thoughts and no worries.
I curled up on my side and closed my eyes.

"It really hurts," I muttered as I covered the tears that streamed down the corners of my eyes.

Both my mind and my body.

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