I am in deep thoughts.
I am thinking to see if this world has anything, something that won’t need money, something that can allow a pervert feel first love and match his preference.
Why not gift him an artwork? General perverts usually adore artworks.
But should I gift something that matches up to Jiang Li’s taste…wouldn’t it be the same as making bankrupt?
Thus, I have decided to embrace upon a mission. I, Guan Xiao Yan will personally handmake a piece of art and give it to Jiang Li.
In fact, art is a very mysterious thing. Ugly things do not matter, as long as you boast it as a flower, then even the tiniest ugly things can make people fight to pay silver.
Due to the urgency of time and the limitations of the variety of art that I possess, I finally decided to gift Jiang Di a DIY ceramic artwork. No matter what I made, I did everything carefully to meet Jiang Li’s requirements.
So on December 24, that one day I applied for a temporary vacation. Holding He Zi, I walked to a large scale pottery shop.
When He Zi heard that tomorrow is Jiang Li’s birthday and that it is only today that I will be preparing a present, she immediately knocked on my head and scold me for not being considerate. I was bitterly sad by her abuse….my heart thinking heck does she understand?
I think I have very artistic attainments, the owner also praised me….but that was because I can make an ordinary vase into a distorted mess. It is very rare. However, only He Zi is so narrow-minded. She said that my artwork is appallingly typical. I once again lamented, what do you know ah …
Of course, my words couldn’t come out to refute her. Although my work is also a piece of art……even I can’t help but squint at the ugly gift.
He Zi can no longer stand it and then made her own beautiful bowl. While touching her bowl, she remarks “Why don’t we add a few words to it?”
I continued to stare at my pottery that couldn’t get any uglier. It was originally ugly, if I add a few more markings to it won’t it be even uglier? So stiffly laughed towards He Zi and agreed. “Fine, but you have to help me.”
He Zi uses her elbows to bump me. “What nonsense are you spouting! This is your present to Jiang Li, of course, you have to do it.”
I bitterly made out an expression with no comment.
He Zi seeming to understand my pain, then adds “Sigh, you stupid ah! Why do you insist on carving Chinese characters? We can try French, Japanese, or even Manchu Mongolian words. As long as Jiang Li can’t understand then it is fine.”
That also seems legit. I am truly stupid. Embracing all the hope I have, my eyes gleamed at He Zi. “Then, do you know French, Japanese, or even Manchu Mongolian words?”
He Zi shakes her head. “I am only responsible for ideas.”
My mood deflated like a balloon.
At this time, He Zi suddenly pointed towards the poster by the counter. “Look, it’s all weird words! There’s definitely something we want.” While saying, she pulled me forward.
He Xi pointed to words on to top corner in the poster. “This, I know. It’s happy birthday.”
Nonsense, even I know that too.
He Zi’s hands moved downwards. “And this is French.”
Me: “Oh, what does it say?”
He Zi shakes her head. “I don’t know, but I know that it is not “hello.”
I suddenly have a deep urge to smack her butt with my feet.
Just when I was hesitating to commit the deed or not, a deep voice emits from our back. “That also means ‘happy birthday.’”
He Zi and I raised our head at the same time to meet a bald uncle in his 40s standi
ng close to He Zi. From the beginning to the end, his eyes were unmoving on He Zi’s D cup.
He Zi straightened her back and retreated two steps backward. Her eyes releasing a dangerous gleam.
While our eyes were filled with hostility and contempt for the uncle, it had no effect on him. He walked absently to the front of the poster, pointing to the dotted alphabet below the French and said, “This is the German meaning of happy birthday. ” Moving his fingers, he continues, “Italian’s happy birthday, and Spanish’s happy birthday … ”
He Zi looks at his confident face and interrupts. “What about the last one?”
My line of sight also followed to the end of the few words. Those displayed characters that are much stranger. Anyhow that I have never seen before.”
The bald uncle expressed embarrassment. “This seems to be Hebrew. As to what is meant …”
He Zi exaggeratedly laughed and said, “What does it mean? Of course, it means ‘Happy Birthday.’ This old lady has learned Hebrew at the age of six.”
The bald uncle looked strangely at He Zi before finally putting it down with a smile and left.
I touched He Zi’s shoulders and challenged her with a squinting look. “Little girl, at the age of six you still couldn’t memorize the poem of ‘Chu He Ri Dang Wu.’”
(T/A): 锄禾日当午 is the poem used. It is a famous child’s poem used to teach a child of the hardships when farming and planting to bring food to one’s table. If memory serves me well, that was what my teacher told me. In other words, it means the hardships to bear fruit to something.
He Zi glared at me before continuing, “Stop the useless talk and hurry to carve the Hebrew words.”
I looked at the strange words. “Are you sure it is the meaning of ‘Happy Birthday’? What if it is some sort of curse words? Then won’t Jiang Li strangle me to death.”
He Zi knocks on my head. “I say, can your brain have any more holes in them? All these other languages have the meaning of ‘Happy Birthday,’ how can these Hebrew words be cursed words?”
I pondered at her words before realizing the truth in her words. Thus, I took my stiff hands and craved the words. So what if they are curse words? Jiang Li will never be able to comprehend the meaning of it.
I covered the whole body of the vase with Happy Birthday in Hebrew, an ancient symbol that gave this abstraction an overwhelming sense of mystery. Along the perfect combination of modern art with traditional elements together, this is simply a genius masterpiece.
Of course, He Zi feels that my masterpiece has another version: neither good nor bad.
I hate He Zi, really really hate.
……
As I embrace my masterpiece, I walk home. It was night by the time I came back. Today is Christmas Eve, and on the way, I saw many brightly lit up Christmas trees. It was very pretty, only, I am not the type to believe in God but Buddha. Therefore, my interest towards Christmas diminished only leaving a festive feel.
Just as I walked into my house, in front of my face lies a big Christmas tree in the living room that shocked me. That Christmas tree was decorated with so many colored balls, colored lights, and on the bottom were filled with beautifully wrapped boxes. I retreated a few steps backward in fear. Looking at the door plate, I noted indeed this is my house.
I lightly walked close to the Christmas tree and circled around it. Then I aimed my shout toward the study room, “Jiang Li, is this plaything something you made?”
Jiang Li walked out from the study room and leaned against the door frame nodding. “Yes.”
I touched my chin, contemplating. “I couldn’t tell you are still so immature. At the age of six, I have long stopped doing this kind of thing….”
Jiang Li stared at the Christmas tree and with a poker face replied. “Yeah? They said that females tend to like this kind of stuff.” As he talks, he turned his gaze toward me and asked, “You don’t like this kind of stuff?” Giving me the glare, I can only interpret it as ‘you dare not like it?!’
What the heck! I could only force nod and say, “I like it very much. How can I not like it? Hehehe……”
Jiang Li’s line of sight suddenly fell onto the present that lied within my embrace. Walking to my front, his face was brightly lit with a smile. Lowering his head he questions, “What are you holding?”
The gleaming light from the Christmas tree brought a shimmering light reflecting on Jiang Li’s face. This gave a strange beauty to him. I could only sigh that these type of weird situation only works for perverts like him.
I took hold of the box and shoved it to Jiang Li. While smiling, I said, “ Jiang Li, happy birthday!”
Jiang Hu rubbed my head and then took the gift box smiling. He quickly opened the package. As a result, that ugly piece of artwork was exposed to him. He held the bottle and asked, “Where did you buy? This model is really … unique.”
I protruded my lips and proudly exclaimed all the credits to myself. “I personally handmade it. This type of brand is one of kind. How is it? Don’t I have talent?”
Jiang Li gave me a complimenting smile and then flipped the pottery over to carefully study the words inscribed. All of a sudden, he lowly chuckled. His laughter was very pleasant to the ears but I only snorted. Turning around, he puts one hand on my shoulder blades and another wrapped on the pottery. Still while suppressing his merry laughter, he looked at me. “Guan Xiao Yan, I love you too.”
By this point, Jiang Li was very close to me. So close that I could, in fact, feel his breath on my neck. My instinct flashed warning me of danger and I hurried to push him away. “What are you doing?!”
Jiang Li gently shakes the pottery as he laughed smugly. “Don’t you love me? No need to be shy.” I was turned off by his narcissistic attitude and so questioned his weird behavior. “Isn’t it just a vase? Why are you like this?”
Jiang Li massages the pottery and time after time would gently tap on the character engraved. He lifted his brows and smirked at me. “Did you personally carve these characters?”
Me: “Yeah, you still don’t know what these words mean? Come, let me teach you…..”
“Of course I know.” Jiang Li’s lips hooked by its corner sinisterly. “This is Hebrew and it means ‘I love you.’ I should count this as your confession? This is pretty literal.”
I coldly snorted three times before refuting. “Whatever Jiang Li, it clearly means ‘happy birthday,’ you don’t need to prank me anymore.” Jiang Li is not
The smile on Jiang Li’s face fell and upturned. “You really don’t know it’s meaning?”
I continued to coldly laugh. “Of course I know, this means ‘happy birthday.’ You may not know these sort of things but I understand it well. Relax, this is something that only this lady can do. I am one of a kind….” Oh my god, I almost threw up at this part.
“Guan Xiao Yan.” Jiang Li puts the pottery on the sofa and continues, “This means ‘I love you’ in Hebrew. I am currently thinking whether I should accept it or not.”
My face became furrowed with anger. I took my notebook (laptop) that was conveniently lying around. “ You don’t know. I don’t know. Only Baidu knows!”
Jiang Li ignores me and sat staring at the pottery for awhile. The finally, for a moment the silence was broken. “I have decided. Seeing you so passionate made me pity you. So I have decided to accept you.”
(T/A): I was drinking water while I was translating. Yes, I have accidentally spilled it. Why is Jiang Li so cute?!!! OMG!! HE COULDN’T FIND THE MOMENT TO CONFESS SO HE USED THIS CHANCE TO START THE FIRST MOVE!
Immediately, I picked up a pillow and threw it towards his face. While scouring the net, I yelled at this shameless bastard. “Accept your ass! This old lady doesn’t want to be accepted by a pervert!”
Jiang Li, on one hand, hugging the pottery so dearly, on the other hand, stayed silent. He neither refuted nor resisted. I could only found his current behavior a bit weird but continued to ignore him. I was too busy surfing the net for the meaning.
That was when I found it. I snatched the pottery from Jiang Li and matched the words one by one. I was surprised.
It was not the same. Really not the same.
The words on the pottery and the words on the internet were spelled differently. The Hebrew words were not the same.
I was suspicious that it was due to the carving of the words being too ugly that I could be wrong. After matching it, again and again, I have arrived at the conclusion, it was indeed different.
A hand stretches forward and snatched the ugliest pottery back. While embracing the pottery, Jiang Li annoyingly remarks. “Guan Xiao Yan, can you be any dumber?”
I was not pleased, so I searched the meaning of ‘I love you’ in the Hebrew translator and the result was like Jiang Li said.
I slumped against the sofa. My limbs were weak. “Jiang Li give that pottery back to me. Tomorrow I will bring you another one.”
Jiang Li: “It’s alright. I only like this kind of contorted stuff. For example, this pottery. Another example…” He looks up with his eyes pointing at me. “You.”
(T/A): I died.
My chest was heaving up and down. I wanted to choke the heck out of him. Immediately I wanted t to grab the pottery away from him. I can’t lose this big of a face to this kind of person.
Jiang Li sensitively picks up a hint of danger and immediately stood up hiding the pottery behind him. Lowering his head, his voice contained a tone of a sneer. “Guan Xiao Yan, can you be any more better? The things that you have gifted, can you still shamelessly take it back?”
I could only slump on the sofa not moving. My head was filled with anger that I wanted to pound myself onto the wall.
Jiang Li was unforgiving. He squatted down and patted my head. That feeling was as if he was raising a Golden Retriever. Then he padded his chin on the couch and watched me proudly. His face was very close to mine. I could see his long eyelashes shaking. The inner demon within really wanted to root out all these long weeds. This old lady is a woman but still, have no eyelashes of his length!
Jiang Li’s eyes blink as they careful watch me. “Guan Xiao Yan, I think you did this on purpose. You actually want to confess to me, right?”
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Please, even if I am no good I will never ask a pervert out, okay?”
Jiang Li: “The what if…I am not gay?”
I took my hand and comforted Jiang Li. Patting his broad back, I lamented. “Be a good child, this kind of thing has no what ifs. You are gay.”
Jiang Li: “Then what if…I said that I am bi?”
Me: “Then…that is even more perverted. I say, don’t tell me you are actually bi?”
Jiang Li stood up and condescendingly looked at me. Within his sleepy eyes, he retorted. “How can that be possible. You are the kind of woman that I will never look at.”
I feel as if Jiang Li’s word is weird but couldn’t detect where. So I coldly snorted and replied, “Relax, you are the kind of man that I will also never look at.”