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This reminds me a lot of…an ancient take, given our…very unique MC. If you’ve read FM you will REMEMBER the crazy Zhou Lin Lin for her weird metaphors and strange connections. Well brace yourselves because this main character is exactly the same in her crazy thoughts, except she might even crazier? It’s up to you guys to decide lol. All I know is that this was fun yet an absolute pain to translate (no thanks to you, Ceng Li).
Chapter 1
The moment I woke up, Cui'er impatiently told me two things.
First: "Miss, it's already late. Congratulations, you have saved the household from making another meal yet again!"
I rolled my eyes at her not bothered by her particular tone.
Second: "Miss, the Young Master is not home! Today he left as soon as he woke up!"
I immediately widened my eyes, threw aside the blankets, and jumped off the bed. Then, I threw on my shoes while I hurriedly scolded Cui'er: "He isn't home?! Then how come you didn't try to wake me up earlier!"
…
Now it was Cui'er's turn to roll her eyes at me.
What I admired about Cui'er was that whatever her master did to her, she had the guts to do it back to her master. She didn't have the slightest fear of her master throwing her into the pigpen someday and then throwing boiling water all over her, along with the pigs!
"Of course I wanted to wake you up! But I'm pretty sure you also know that you sleep like a dead pig, so even if I poured boiling water all over you, you probably wouldn't even wake up!"
…
Had this servant eaten the roundworms in my stomach? She could even see through my next moves. I really had an absurd maid servant!
I rolled my eyes again at her. "Don't speak so much nonsense. You're wasting all my time! I'll wash my face, you go grab something from the kitchen, and then the two of us will leave the residence as soon as possible to play around!"
Cui'er rolled her eyes back at me before turning to run towards the kitchen.
I trembled. I really didn't know whether the master or the servant would end up blind from rolling our eyes too much.
My name is Ceng Li. The Ceng surname is the one that comes from the richest household in the country. The "Li" character in my name just means parting, so I guess I could be considered the Third Miss of the Ceng family.
Why did I say "I guess"? It's very simple. Because even though my mother was the Fifth Concubine of the Late Master, I was not the Late Master's daughter. My mother was already carrying me in her womb when she married into the Ceng family. Naturally, I had a blood-related father, but he was a scholar who did not engage in honest work. He couldn't carry any responsibility, and he also couldn't perform any real tasks. In addition, he didn't focus on his studies. Basically, this scholar had gambled until he had to sell both his house and his land. And, just when he was contemplating whether he should sell his wife and unborn daughter, my mother divorced him with the permission of the righteous Elder of her clan.
Later, based on her good looks, my mother accidentally seduced a passerby, who happened to be the Late Master Ceng. To receive my mother's affection, he solemnly promised that he would treat me like his blood related child. Under the Late Master's promise and the fierce military offensive of exchanging the gold for flowers, honied food, and silk, my mother was quickly captured.
Thus, she brought me and married into the Ceng family, becoming the smallest concubine of the Late Master.
Perhaps my mother's simple beauty from the village had made the Late Master remember her. After he married my mother, and up to the point when he died two years ago, he had unexpectedly never touched another concubine . It could be said, that he had pampered my mother until he ascended into the heavens.
All the other concubines leaned on the more noble women in the residence, so our lives were very free and happy because they ignored us.
In the Ceng family, I had always slept until I felt like waking up, and no one dared to say anything about it. For the people who did talk about it, I would disguise myself as a weakling and show off, exerting all my strength into coughing twice, and pretending I was about to fall ill. My mother definitely couldn't take my behavior for very long. If I pretended to be weak, my mother would feel so distressed in her heart that she had to vomit blood. Every time she wanted to vomit blood, the Late Master would act like someone had wrung his heart out and say that his body hurt. My sins circulated like this, and in the end, the one who got the bitter lot was always the Late Master. Thus, in the end, no one had the guts to try to manage me. I had become the most undisciplined and barbarous daughter in the Ceng family. Because of this, the other females would privately leave out my surname and just call me the 'rude daughter', while some other people had the guts to just call me the 'bastard' of the family.
Actually, I didn't mind. I had accidentally said a word or two in front of the Late Master, and the Late Master had become extremely unhappy, stubbornly kicking the people who had called me those names out of the residence, making me feel embarrassed for troubling him… hehehe…
Later, the Late Master had passed away. I thought my good days had come to an end, but no one could have anticipated that the Late Master was really an extraordinary affectionate and loyal old man. In his will, he had written that in the case of his death, his heir, the Master of the Ceng family, Ceng Yan would have to treat my mother and me well. Otherwise, I had the right to burn down everything in the Ceng family, and I didn't need to take legal responsibility- His will said that he had even already spoken to the District Magistrate in Hexian.
Thus, my life in the Ceng family did not become miserable, although some of my essential amenities had been curbed.
The heir of the Ceng family, Ceng Yan, made me tremble in spite of myself.
This was the person I had always called big brother, because he was extremely handsome, and he had been named "The First Good-Looking Man in the City" by all the well-bred ladies- this nickname definitely made one tremble ah….
But truthfully, he was extremely handsome. Out all the people I had ever met in my life, he was the most handsome.
But what was the use of looking good? Every time he saw me, he always had a taut ice-cold face on, full of loathing, really making me want to cough and vomit and pretend to be gravely ill to hide from him.
He wasn't always ice-cold to everyone. To other people, he would be polite and amiable, but only to me would he look so evil like I owed him silver from a few lifetimes ago, and had still not returned it to him.
Wasn't I just a step-sister?! But a step-sister was also a sister… He liked to favor one, and discriminate against the other.
One time, I secretly drank some wine, and took advantage of my drunken spirits to run over in an attempt to have a long, intimate talk with him. I really wanted to confide in him with sincerity, and tell him that to be a good person, he should be more like his dad with an open-minded heart to the extent that he could love someone else's daughter like he was loving his own daughter. He could love someone else's sister like his own sister.
But he only replied, "You aren't my little sister."
At the time, I was very displeased. I said, "I am your little sister!"
He said, "No."
I said, "I am!"
He said, "What are you?"
I said, "Your little sister!"
He said, "Girls shouldn't speak so vulgarly."
Then he turned and left.
Leaving me all alone, with the evening wind that made me tremble nonstop.
F**k, how was I vulgar?!
In the past, when the Late Master had been alive, I would always disguise myself as a man and go out of the residence to goof off. It wasn't a big deal, and the Late Master would always shut one eye and open the other.
However, after he passed away, and the new Master Ceng had taken over, I did not have the same good fortune.
As long as he was at home, I had never succeeded in going out to play. That pervert was so fickle! I couldn't fathom whether he justified his actions with his stomach, or whether he actually thought through his overbearing and shameless attitude, because he had even placed a lookout by the dog hole in the wall. I had tried to get out of the residence through that hole, but all of those escape attempts had resulted in him capturing me alive at the scene.
I was so angry that I pointed at his face, pointed at the sky, and pointed at the earth as I savagely swore an oath: If I find out who told my secret, I will definitely thrash his skin, break his bones and eat his flesh!
When confronted with my rage, Master Ceng was characteristically unperturbed. He ordered people to bring over several dogs. Then, with his words as light as a feather, he said, "Ceng Li, there are so many informers here. Which one do you want to begin eating? If you choose one and you can't finish it, I'll help you!"
In front of a panting and sturdy animal, I couldn't help but shiver. In the end, I could only scold him, "Get the f*ck out![1]"
[1] This phrase is actually quite the pun in Chinese. Since she's confronted with dogs, she says 走狗, which literally means "walk dog", but is actually a curse.
From that moment on, if I ever wanted to get out of the residence, I could only go out when master Ceng was not home, and even then, I had to make sure he wouldn't find out. If he returned and found out that I had left, he would fabricate excuses and think of a way to send my mother to the temple to redeem her vows to several deities so that she would not return for a few days. And over those few days, I wouldn't have a mountain to lean on so I would have to obediently accept my punishment.
He punished me very brutally. He would imprison me and him in a room together, and force me to… watch him eat! He always ate lavish dishes and exotic delicacies! He would eat soo much great food, while I could only watch him! I would never get to eat any!!!!
I became very hungry and have such strong cravings being punished like this, and after a few days it was like I was about to go mad!
Also, he would seal my room tightly, ensuring that Cui'er could not secretly send me any food.
One time, I craved the food so much, I courageously overturned his table, and pointed at the tip of his nose, asking him if he would be just as inhuman to his blood-related sisters.
He said, "It's not like they don't do what they are told, trying to come up with any means to slip out and be wild."
I said, "But it's not like they don't want to go out! They just fear you!"
He said, "Who fears me?"
I said, "Your sister!"
He said, "Ceng Li, how many times have I told you that females should not be this vulgar."
I shook, as I hysterically asked him, "HOW HAVE I BEEN VULGAR?"
He said, "It's not like you haven't gotten out of the residence. How can you not know that today, the two words "Your sister" have become the most popular way to scold someone else?"
I really didn't know, your sister!!
Big brother and I aren't talking about cursing, your sister!!
I'm asking you whether you would be this cruel to your own sisters, your sister!!
It's all your fault for making me lose my rational from craving food, your sister!!
And I really trembled, throwing myself at Ceng Yan's body… Ceng Yan, your sister!!
I pushed him down, and sat on top of him, pulling at his lapel, as I fiercely swayed. I bellowed the most indignant words from the bottom of my heart, "BIG BROTHER I'M HUNGRY, I WANT TO EAT!"
I didn't know if he was angry from being caught by surprise because his face turned red. He turned his face away from me, and coughed. Then, his face turned back to being cold and calm, and he asked me, "You still have this much strength even though you're hungry Are you sure you want to eat from hunger and not your cravings?"
Me: "…"
Ceng Yan, your sister!! Who cares if this is from craving or hunger?! Who cares?! Who cares?!?!?
Note: The MC used to like to sneak out of the residence so that she could play around, disguised as a boy. Girls back then used to be confined to their residences so they couldn't really get out to enjoy life. Our MC, Ceng Li obviously likes to take advantage of whatever she can. Anyways, just thought I would clear that up for those of you who haven’t read as much ancient novels as some other readers.
Translated by tranzgeek
Edited by the amazing Ely!
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Ceng Li has some really SAD moments and this whole chapter is practically just one whole derp moment. Her interactions with her bro tho are what I live for LOL. Thanks to Ely for editing another part of this (we complain about this so much because the MC is so crazy lol).
Chapter 2.1
I hastily ate some food, and then me and Cui'er changed into male clothing and slipped out of the residence. Before I left, I didn't forget to take two fans from Ceng Yan's room.
Cui'er brimmed with disdain at my actions, and rolled her eyes at me. "Miss, not everyone with a fan seems elegant!"
I used the fan to ruthlessly smack her on the head. "Please, can you not look down on my chest that continues to surge with every coming day? I'm taking the fan to cover my chest, okay?!" I stuck out my chest at her.
This was a really big bother. I didn't know if I had eaten too many steamed buns in the past year, but from the beginning of this year my chest had continued to swell with pain, as it continued to painfully grow, gradually becoming bigger and bigger… In the past, I could use white damask to bind my chest, and it wouldn't hurt, but now, as long as I wrapped the damask around my chest lightly, my heart wouldn't be in as much pain and distress as whenever I wanted to yell "Your sister" at Ceng Yan.
Actually, if I had never met Ceng Yan's second little sister, second sister Ceng, and I had not listened to her nonsense, perhaps my chest could still be content with being bound by the cloth.
It was all Ceng Yan, his sister's fault!
That day, I felt my chest was swollen, and I ran over to my mother to ask her what had happened. Mother said, "Li'er, don't get angry. Your chest's prosperous bulging is the luck that you have gained from the heavens. This type of luck doesn't come to just anyone! In the future, your… uh… will definitely like it very much!"
I asked, "What is ….?"
Mother's face actually blushed. "Your future, uh…"
I asked, "What are you talking about in my future?"
Mother feigned anger and said, "You child! How can you randomly ask about this? You really don't know how to be shy!"
I was rendered speechless.
How did I not know how to be shy? What had I asked about? From beginning to end, mother had been talking to herself and letting her imagination roam, alright…?
Later after I left my mother's place, I bumped into second sister Ceng. Thus I asked her, "Did your mother ever say this to you: Second sister, do not get angry. Your chest's prosperous bulging is the luck that you have gained from the heavens. This type of luck doesn't come to just anyone! In the future, your… uh… will definitely like it very much!"
Second sister Ceng looked askance at me cooly. "Are you trying to show off to me?"
I said, "I only want to know what it is."
Second sister said, "I don't know either; you can ask your mother."
I calmly told her, "My mother said: Li'er, do not get angry. Your chest's prosperous bulging is the luck that you have gained from the heavens. This type of luck doesn't come to just anyone! In the future, your… uh…something… will definitely like it very much!"
Second sister's eyes began to draw out into slits. "You're actually showing off!"
I was a little confused. "Is that good?"
Second sister hmphed. "Is it not?"
I suspiciously asked, "Really?"
Second sister rolled her eyes. "If you think they're bad then just squash them flat!"
I open-mindedly asked for advice. "How should I squish them?"
Second sister was annoyed. "Use your two hands to squash them!"
Thus, before I went to bed every night, I would concentrate on kneading my chest to and fro to squash it flat.
But who knew that a few months later, they seemed to get bigger…
On August 15th, I hadn't had time to make new clothes, so I wore my old clothes and went to the pavilion with the Ceng family to admire the moon.
That day, I ate very little and although my chest hurt, I held back my discomfort.
The next day, the special dressmaker came over.
While she was taking my measurements, I asked her, "Was it my mother who called you over?"
She shook her head. "No! It was the Master who ordered this subordinate to come!" While she measured my chest, she laughed. "The Master sure is attentive. It's time for Third Miss to change into some new clothes!"
After the woman left, I thought about it and felt I should go thank Ceng Yan. Thus, I went to go find him.
I said, "Thank you."
He asked me, "What are you thanking me for?"
I said, "You told the dressmaker to come over to make me new clothes."
He said, "Oh."
Then, silence.
Then, he said, "There's no need to thank me. I was just afraid that you would suffocate to death."
I was speechless.
I also became silent.
Then, I said, "Ceng Yan, your sister!"
Translated by geeky
Edited by Ely