30. The Mrs. Long San Who Suffers A Nightmare
Translated by Ju Hua
Edited by Pu Er
Feng Ning put a lot of effort into thinking, yet her mind couldn’t find any memories pertaining to her father and mother. But that Lady Feng’s face was really familiar. She figured the reason for this is because Lady Feng and her are a fifth similar.
Lady Feng turned her head and saw Feng Ning, and her face immediately broke out into a smile. She walked over and gently embraced her, then called out, “Feng Feng, you can be counted as returned. Mother was almost worried to death.”
Feng Ning was a bit reserved, and didn’t know how she should respond. So she only said, “I’m fine, mother, don’t worry.”
Lady Feng let go of Feng Ning, held her and carefully inspected her from top to bottom, “That’s good, that’s good, having nothing wrong is just great.” Lord Feng Zhuo on the side coughed once, and towards his wife said, “Ah Li, stop scaring her, come over here and sit.”
Qiao Li rubbed her eyes, and pulled Feng Ning over, “That is, that is… look at me being too happy and muddleheaded. I have even forgotten that Feng Feng is sick, and that she doesn’t remember things.”
Feng Ning looked back to glance at Long San, and he nodded his head. She then followed her mother over to sit, and also called Lord Feng Zhuo “father.” Lord Feng Zhuo also followed up with a response, and it could be seen that he was also extremely happy. Long San and Long Er exchanged glances with each other, and also went over to sit down.
No one said a word. Long Er was busy drinking tea, Long San was watching Feng Ning, and Qiao Li and Lord Feng Zhuo were also staring at Feng Ning. In the end, it was still Feng Ning who opened her mouth, “Why have father and mother come?”
“We wanted to come see you. Until now we heard that you were inflicted with a sickness that made you not remember things, and also heard that Long Manor was incidentally robbed and you chased after the thieves. Luckily our good son-in-law found you. We have just been here waiting for you two to return.” Qiao Li smiled while explaining, and also gently helped Feng Ning smooth out the stray hairs on her temple.
At this gesture Feng Ning’s heart grew warm, and she no longer had any more misgivings. She flew into Qiao Li’s bosom and acted like a spoiled child, “Mother, I thought about the two of you very much, but I couldn’t remember your appearances and was always doing my best to think about it in my mind. Now that I’ve finally seen you two, I am extremely happy.”
“Silly girl.” Qiao Li held her and smilingly said, “If you miss us, then just send a letter over. Your father and I will naturally come see you. You see if you don’t say anything, how are we to know if you’re living well over here, right?”
Her words were hiding needles in them*. Long Er’s face sank and wanted to flare out, but Feng Ning said, “I’m living well, rest assured Mother. Er bo and husband both treat me very well.”
*Basically Qiao Li is indirectly suggesting that they are mistreating Feng Ning; pretty passive-aggressive.
Long Er embarrassingly closed his mouth, and gloomily drank a mouthful of tea again. But on this side Qiao Li once again said, “That being the case, then mother is relieved. You living well is more important than anything else.”
Feng Ning’s heart was momentarily touched. As expected, it was father and mother who treated her the best. She heard Qiao Li continue speaking, “You, child, are really willful. If you could get along well with good son-in-law the way you are now, it would be great. Don’t always be afraid of this or that.”
Feng Ning did not understand what she meant, and could only reply, “Yes, mother.” Qiao Li also said, “Your father and I have discussed this, but we can’t allow you to continue being so frivolous, that’s why we’ve brought Bao’er over. Live well with good son-in-law. Even though you gave birth to a daughter, she is still related by flesh and blood. Good son-in-law won’t mind. The both of you are young, and the future is long, so giving birth to a few more plump and healthy children will also be possible.”
This time Long Er didn’t drink tea. He sat up straight, and secretly kicked Long San’s leg. Feng Ning did not pay attention to their side. She didn’t comprehend Qiao Li’s words, but she knew it was an extremely important matter. Could it be, she also had children?”
Sure enough, Qiao Li turned around and pointed to a place at the wall behind her where a servant was sitting. There was a maid there carrying a quiet baby. Qiao Li said, ” Do you still remember, you gave birth to a daughter?”
Feng Ning shook her head in extremely slow-motion. She didn’t even have the slightest impression. She stared at the child, and was unable to shift her eyes away. She heard Qiao Li say, “When you had returned to the maternal family to nurture the fetus before, you said you wanted to give birth then return here. In the end, you gave birth to a daughter, and said the Long family didn’t like it, that they only wanted a son. Afterwards, Bao’er was given to us, and you planned to talk things out with good son-in-law, then perhaps after you gave birth to a son, you would return home to pick up Bao’er. However, two years have already passed like this, and there has been no news from you the entire time. Our visit this time, is also because we thought we can’t allow you to be so willful. No matter what, it’s best for a child to follow their father and mother. Don’t you agree?”
Feng Ning was speechless. She stood up, and slowly walked towards the child. Her heart had a sudden burst of chills. She was actually such a vicious woman. Why did she make such a decision at the time? How could she throw away her own child and not care? Even if the husband’s family didn’t tolerate a daughter, it would be strange if she didn’t beat them until they were looking for their teeth all over the floor*. How could she not love her daughter and just leave her because of the husband’s family?
*Getting beat up really badly.
Feng Ning walked until she was in front of the child. She was nestled in the maid’s bosom sleeping soundly. Her eyelashes were long and black, just like two small fans, her little mouth was a light pink cherry red, her face was round, and her bright and clean forehead was beautiful. She was a very cute and very beautiful baby girl!
Feng Ning felt the rims of her eyes grow hot, and tears gushed out. How could she be so, so terrible, how was she able to abandon her own daughter? Feng Ning carefully and cautiously extended her hand to touch the child, caressing the child’s little face. She softly said, “This is my child?”
Qiao Li replied, “You silly girl, you really don’t remember anything; 10 months of pregnancy, and being in pain for a whole day to give birth. At the time, you were carrying her while she ‘wawa’ cried, but now you don’t even remember a single bit of it.”
Feng Ning once again stroked the baby’s face, and the little baby blinked her eyes, waking up. She opened her eyes, saw Feng Ning, and earnestly stared at her for a while, then she drew her lips back into a smile. Feng Ning both excitedly and happily cried, “Aiyah, she’s awake, she’s smiling at me.”
Qiao Li walked over there, and carried the child, “Just a smile is already enough to make you as her mother happy like this. Our Bao’er can already speak. Come, quickly say mother.”
Bao’er delicately yawned, carefully looked at Feng Ning, and childishly called out, “Mother…” Feng Ning was so happy she shed tears. This child was very beautiful and lovely.
Qiao Li said, “Look, isn’t she growing to look similar to you when you were younger? Her eyes are like her father’s.” Feng Ning nodded with vigor, and her heart was enveloped in ecstasy. She had such a cute daughter, her’s and Long San’s child, that she wasn’t afraid of becoming a pig. She wanted to take her daughter, and properly pass her days with Long San.
Full of joy and expectations, she turned around and quickly called to Long San, “Long San, look, it’s our daughter, she’s very adorable, right?” However Long San’s reaction completely went against her anticipations. He was neither happy, excited, surprised, nor angry; he was only expressionlessly watching the entire thing.
A smile stiffened on Feng Ning’s face, and her hands were already stretched out mid-air ready to hand Bao’er over to be carried, but she was stopped by Long San’s reaction. She turned her head to look at Bao’er, then turned again to look at Long San. She stared into Long San’s eyes, and there were complex emotions there. She wasn’t able to read his look, and didn’t understand it. She shook her head, wanted to open her mouth to ask, but was unable to make a sound, and found that she didn’t dare to.
Her mind suddenly flashed to that night where Long San had said some things, he said, “That incident hasn’t been confirmed. Since it hasn’t been confirmed yet, speaking about it would be useless.”
Feng Ning suddenly felt like the blood in her body was about to freeze, so cold that she was trembling. She secretly gave birth to a child, found a reason to leave the child at the Feng family, and made herself look like a person who had nothing happen while returning to the Long Manor. No one at Long Manor should’ve known she was pregnant, otherwise they would have already taken that situation out as evidence. Therefore, the greatest possibility could only be…
Feng Ning used her hand to cover her mouth. She didn’t dare believe it, she didn’t dare to believe it one bit.
She deceived both parties; she concealed the truth from Long Manor, and lied to the Feng family. However paper can’t cover fire*, and there was bound to be a bit of news that leaked out. That’s why Long San said that the incident hadn’t been confirmed yet, but in reality there was a bit of suspicion in everyone’s heart. So that’s why they didn’t like her. She was the red apricot tree that leaned over the garden wall**, and she stole their things, robbed their valuables… Feng Ning looked at Long San’s eyes, and the entire time she watched them she felt like she couldn’t breathe. So it was actually like that, it was really actually like that!
*The truth can’t be concealed.
**A wife having an illicit lover.
How could he let it go? Any man in the world wouldn’t be able to let it go. Even if they were to get along again now, what use was it? What use was it even if she were to make him like her again?
Cold despair filled Feng Ning’s heart. She really liked him. She liked the gentle voice he used when he spoke, liked the way he dealt with things magnanimously and open-mindedly, liked his clear and bright smile, and liked his helpless expression; she wanted to be with him, and wanted to pass the days with him.
Feng Ning could no longer endure it, and silently rushed out of the hall. In one breath, she rushed into her own little courtyard, ran into the room, and threw herself onto the bed crying very loudly.
She hated herself, and hated everything that she had done. She hated her infidelity, and hated her vicious heart. She also hated herself for liking Long San. If it wasn’t for that, she wouldn’t be in such pain. She also hated that their hearts shared a tacit understanding; if it wasn’t for her looking at him and understanding what had happened, she would also not find out in such a penetrating way that she was a wicked wife.
How she hated, so hated!
Now, not even mentioning the Long family, even her father and mother must know how terrible she is. They also must definitely be thoroughly disappointed. She lost everyone’s trust and affection. What exactly did she mess herself up until this point for?
Feng Ning’s mind was entirely blank, and she could only loudly ‘wawa’ cry. She would no longer have a shoulder to rely on. That unconfirmed matter was testified to by her maternal family, and was confirmed right in front of her face.
She no longer had any face to ask Long San not to abandon her. He will no longer smile at her, and will no longer look at her with such gentleness. She was a bad woman, a completely bad, bad woman.
Feng Ning cried until she was out of breath, cried until her guts and liver were cut up*, and cried until the world was colorless. In this small room, she was the only one there, alone, venting out her emotions.
*Broken-hearted.
Feng Ning didn’t know how long she cried for, and also couldn’t cry anymore. She laid in bed in a daze, and her mind was empty. Chaotically, she only felt both grief and despair, and allowed fear to tightly constrict the arteries in her heart.
From outside the door came knocking. Feng Ning didn’t move. She didn’t want to see anyone. After a while, the knocking came again, and this time she could hear her mother’s voice outside asking, “Is she inside?” Then it was Xiao Qing’s voice replying, “Yes.”
Feng Ning heard her mother send Xiao Qing away, and also heard her softly say to her father, “Leave this alone, let me talk to her.” Feng Ning sat up, and rubbed her eyes. Her desolate heart could be counted as finally having a bit of comfort. Yu mama* once said that her parents and her were close. Feng Ning thought what she said must be right. Seeing as there was now such a scandal, there could only be her father and mother who would care about her, and would come visit her.
*Term for older and authoritative maids.
The person outside knocked on the door again. Qiao Li’s voice sounded, “Feng Feng ah, it’s mother, don’t cry. First, don’t be sad. You’re sick, and there are a lot of things you don’t remember, so don’t worry. Open the door, and let mother look at you. Mother will accompany you to chat a bit, alright?”
Feng Ning wiped her face, and very slowly walked over to open the door. Her heart felt touched, felt wronged, but mostly felt ashamed and guilty. She timidly called out, “Mother…”
Qiao Li nodded her head, and pushed her into the room, “Let’s enter the room and then talk.”
The mother and daughter pair went into the room, and Feng Ning moved a chair to Qiao Li. Just as she was thinking about how to open her mouth, as she lifted her head, Qiao Li unexpectedly sent a slap over, directly hitting Feng Ning’s face, making it crooked, and her cheeks felt a scorching pain. Her brain went dull, and she heard Qiao Li ferociously cursing, “You shameless thing!”