Chapter 1 - Trash should stay in the trash can
Part 1
For me to be seventeen and never even once have had a girlfriend....
I feel ashamed.
I really don’t understand what kind of beings girls are - what type of boys are they willing to date?
I’m not exactly handsome, but at least I keep myself clean and proper; I’m not exactly rich, but at least I own a bike; I’m not exactly smart, but at least I’m in a somewhat prestigious high school; I don’t have bad hobbies because I have none at all; I have a relatively good social life and have many good friends——
But I have never dated a girl.
Why is it like this?
It seems like even if I ask the creator of the universe to help me with this, there will be no answer.
However, even though I don’t want to admit it, I’ve come up with an answer on my own.
The reason is very simple, and it is because my name is Bryce Lee1.
My dad once told me that the name was a cooler version of Bruce Lee, and I replied that he was an idiot.
But there’s another reason - I have five sisters.
As for which of these reasons have a bigger impact, all I want to say is please don’t fucking ask, because either way I can’t stand this anymore.
Legend says that when virgins reach thirty, they will become a wizard : I’m only thirteen years away from accomplishing this legendary feat. I’ve also heard that when a man reaches a hundred years old as a virgin, he will become the god Xuanwu, TV also calls him Zhang Sanfeng2. I do not want to be like him.
“What should I do?”, I mutter with my forehead on the table.
The classmate sitting across from adjusts his nerdy glasses and laughs contemptuously at me, “We are in direct competition, if I taught you how do it, that would be killing my own chances of winning.. ppfft, I’m not that dumb. You are destined to become my servant.”
“Are you a retard? Why would a virgin consult another virgin for advice, you think I’m stupid?”, my forehead stays on the table, “Instead of backstabbing each other , we should be collaborating. It’s already been two months since our bet, do you have any advancements on your part?”
Yup, both us bet in a meeting two months ago: whoever gets a girlfriend first will be able to call upon the other person like an indentured servant until graduation from high school.
Thinking back, I definitely had a bit too much to drink that day, otherwise this messy situation wouldn’t have happened.... wait, didn’t I say earlier that I had no bad hobbies? That’s definitely wrong.
My rival in this competition is actually very scary.
TN:
His name 李狂龍 is very similar to 李小龍 (Bruce Lee). In a direct sense, Bruce Lee’s Chinese name would be “little dragon”. The MC’s name is a play on that, meaning “wild dragon” literally. I gave him the name Bryce just bc of the similarity to the name Bruce. Any suggestions for names? Xuanwu is a powerful deity in Taoism. One story says that he was originally a man who after doing some great deeds was made into a god. Zhang Sanfeng (張三丰) is another very famous Taoist who achieved immortality.He has a super cool name - Perseus Wang - a name that would only appear in legends and myths3(I just call him Percy though). This highlights his already special disposition - he usually doesn’t talk and only quietly reads his books. He acts emotionally detached towards everyone, even girls. When someone approaches him, he just pushes up his rimless glasses and talks in a flat tone.
I know that girls love this kind of vibe, plus, he always ranks quite high in the year-end academic rankings, so he has that aura of a “smart and good student”. All of this just inches me towards the role of a servant.
“There has been no advancements.”, from Percy’s deep voice, I detect a troubled tone, “ So far, I’m still searching for a girl, and since we are looking for one, I want her to be someone I can date long-term.... that’s why I’m still collecting data.”
“Collecting data.....”, I roll my eyes.
“Yes, I might as well show you a couple of my databases since you said we should help each other. It’s wrong for me to be in the lead too much.”, he says as he takes out a laptop from under the table, “Take a look, this database has info of girls approximately in the league for guys like us.”
“You really are the pinnacle of misogyny, a super misogynist pig, I can’t believe you’ve objectified women like this!”, I sit up and enunciate it quite loudly on purpose, hoping that the girls eating lunch in the classroom would hear it, “Perseus Wang, you gave a score to all the girls, are you looking down on women?”
“Ugh whatever, I was really trying to help, I can’t believe you still want to destroy my reputation.”
To be honest, Percy doesn’t really care about his reputation either, but he still moved to put his laptop away. I grab his arm before he did.
It ain’t exactly the time for protecting female rights, and my earlier exclamation was to no effect at all due to the noisy chatter of lunch.
“Let go of me....”
He gives me a cold look.
“Please just let me see it for a few seconds.”, I let go and clap my hands together begging, “Based on my eighteen rejections out of my seventeen confessions during high school, please give me a chance.”
“Why would you get rejected eighteen times if you only confessed seventeen times?”
“Oh, because for one them, I accidently forgot I’ve already confessed, so I confessed to her again. So she exclaimed ‘No, I hate you’ twice right there, basically buy one get one free deal.”
“Honestly, you’re so tragic.”
“I know, that’s why I need help.”
“I doubt I can help you, only your sisters can help you at this point.”
“Sisters? Those five?”
Percy nods profoundly, ignoring my bewildered look, and says, “I’m an only child, so I can’t ask anyone about these relationship problems, but you are blessed with five sisters. Just find one to consult for help, she’ll definitely be of better help than I ever will.”
TN:
3. Original sentence : 他叫王雲逸，一個帥到爆的名字，這種武俠小說才會出現的人名. His name 雲逸 is kind of uncommon, sounding like a hero that would only show up in a wuxia novel. A wuxia novel usually centers around heroes with exaggerated martial abilities. For context of the english name, I chose the name Perseus, which is also pretty uncommon (in the US) and also appears as a powerful hero in Greek mythology. Wuxia novels -> “legends and myths”
“I refuse to do that. I don’t want to explain why, but that’s not happening.” I raise my hand and give him a no-entry sign.
“Now I’m confused, are your sisters super harsh towards you or something?” Percy questions me while using his long and slender fingers to brush his middle-part hair.
“They treat me very nicely..... very nicely....”
I believe my expression at this time would be the same as someone who just ate shit.
“Yea, my sisters are very reassuring.”
Outside the classroom window, a head suddenly pops up. I didn’t even need to look and I already know who it was. In one smooth action, my hand shot towards a bread I had just bought. Without even taking off the plastic wrapper, I shove it in my mouth.
“Sis five4, I already got my lunch and I’m real full...... it’s all good.”
It’s all because of this crappy seat position. Our class has forty-two students, but our seats just happened to be at the most far left from the podium, right beside the window and backdoor, causing us to be often scared by weird things.
Percy offered his seat like a gentleman, ignoring the SOS signal I was beaming to him with my eyes.
Sis five clearly got a bit embarrassed, so with two panda patterned lunch boxes on her hand, she said politely, “Kouhai5, pull a chair over, I’ve got more than enough.”
“Nah I’m good, I’m already full. The teacher already asked for me earlier, so I was heading out anyways.”
Percy just lies with a straight face, he was definitely planning to eat lunch at the student store.
Shit, now I don’t even have a chance to escape.
Sis five nods her thanks and with one hand on her skirt, she slides onto Percy’s seat. She put down the bento box and opens it as if she was opening a treasure chest. “Open sesame!”, she pairs it with a cute comment and pulls the unopened bread from my mouth.
“Eating this is unhealthy.”
“Sis five, I want to tell you something more important.”
“What would be more important than eating?”
Sis five takes her panda patterned fork, picks up a piece of braised pork, and positions it by my mouth.
“……”
TN:
4. In Chinese culture, when you call sisters (or brothers), some people say 五姊 (literally means 5th sister) as their name, instead of using their real names. Similar to Japanese culture, this is supposed to show respect (while still can be used quite casually like a nickname). Sis five here is the closest in English I can get. Do tell me if you have any suggestions.
5. Assuming you know what kouhai means. The reason I put “kouhai” here as the translation because it is pretty much the same thing. In Taiwan when you call a underclassmen, you call them your 學弟 (literally means school younger brother). It’s like calling someone a freshie (but holds a bit more respect than freshie). 學長 (school elder) is pretty much senpai.
I really didn’t know what to do, and just as I glance as Percy, he fast walks away.
“Today, I specially prepared your favorite food! Come~open your mouth.”
“We really can’t do this anymore.... I’m for real.”
I think it was about time to put down my cards and show her what I mean directly. It has been way too many years and I didn’t want to hold back anymore.
“What’s wrong?”, smiling, Sis five lowers her fork, still waiting for me to bite.
“From now on, you don’t need to come over during lunch anymore. You have your classmates and I have mine. I’m very thankful that you came over during elementary and middle school, but.... we are almost adults now, doing this... isn’t really right.”
I say everything I wanted to say at once. It’s not like I haven’t done this in the past, this time was just more direct.
Not even glancing up at her, I take the fork from her hand and start to eat my lunch.
Even though I only took a few bites, I suddenly felt like the silence lasted a bit too long.... it felt a bit scary.
“You think.... sis embarrassed you, right?
I raise my head abruptly, fork still in mouth, and blankly stare at my one year older sister that has taken care of me since I was small.
She tightens her lips until they start turning white, and her usually petite and white face show hints of red. Her big eyes blink rapidly and her body also start shaking lightly. Even her panda hair clip nearly slides along her long hair down to the ground.
“Sis five, I didn’t mean it like that, I mean both of us have matured right? We should be getting boyfriends and girlfriends, and if we are always together, then that special someone would definitely misunderstand.... right? ... fuck, not like this.....”
It was too late, without even waiting for my sentence to complete, the tears gathering in her eye fall one by one onto her skirt.
“Brybry, I’m the one at fault here... I really can’t st-stand it.... seperating for five hours in the morning.... that’s to-too much.....”
Based on my experience with sis five, she starts off quietly weeping then follows up with loudly bawling. Because of that, my classmates slowly started to look back towards us.
I can be a jerk, but I really cannot take on the crime of making my sister cry.
“Sis has already held back..... I’m already so irresponsible.... I should come over after every period, every fifty minutes I need to take care of you..... Sis isn’t good enough.... So-sorry.....”
Is it too late to go on my knees and beg for forgiveness?
I knew this was going to happen, why did I ask her for impossible things?
Now that sis five will come after every period, I don’t even need to bother think about getting a girlfriend - I won’t even be able to breathe the fresh air of freedom.
“Sorry, sis five.... I lost it for a second there that’s why I said such mean words, please stop crying.” I take out a pack of tissues from Percy’s desk, “I’m really sorry, I won’t say those things again.”
Sis five didn’t take the tissues but kept crying, “Re-really?”
“Yes, really, really.”
I am very serious that’s why I say it twice.
“Me coming won’t embarrass you anymore.... right?”
“How can it be? You have stellar grades and you’re pretty, you should definitely come everyday, it would be a blessing.”
If the punishment for lying was cutting off my tongue, then I probably would need to cut off a couple hundred by now.
“Th-then help sis... wipe her tears off.... then we can be peaceful siblings again.”
“.......”
“Come on.... your classmates are all watching.”
So know a lot of people were watching tooooooooooo!
Sis five leans forward, gently putting her chest on Percy’s desk, and moves her face towards me with both eyes tightly closed. It was obvious she is blushing and embarrassed, even her eyelashes are quivering.
The chance of this ending peacefully was miniscule already, and if I drag it on longer there would be the possibility of it never ending.
I quickly take out a couple tissues and help sis five wipe the tears off her face. Two tear streaks were still left on her cheeks but she seemed happy with my help.
“Thanks little brother, hehe.”
She reaches over and pats my head, just like when we were kids. I ain’t exactly happy at this, and I didn’t even dare to look at my classmates’ faces.
It has been said there is a type of man called “mama’s boy”, the type that girls look down upon the most. Even if they are super handsome or super smart, if you are a mama’s boy, you are instantly not boyfriend material.
I totally get it, if I was a girl, I wouldn’t be able to stand a man that relies on his mother for everything.
Nevertheless, I’m not a mama’s boy.....
I’m something even more brilliant than that —— “sisters’ boy”.