Published at 9th of January 2021 12:00:05 AM
He said it, but I couldn’t get myself to sleep when I laid in bed until morning came .
I thought about it all night .
Yes, as Havel said, I immediately realized that I was too much from Assisi’s point of view . That didn’t mean that I would let go of what was done . Anyway, without any other thoughts, from a third person’s point of view, I tried to rationalize the situation with a cool head .
Nevertheless, I still needed to know why Assisi did that . That’s my conclusion .
If Assisi did that, there had to be a reason . No, there was a reason, and it wasn’t because Assisi was being considerate of the kids . I wasn’t going to believe that . When I cared for someone, I tried to learn more about them . It would have been easier not to know . I could also make some kind of an excuse about not knowing the reason or demand why he did that to a man .
But I couldn’t ask that .
Assisi was my guardian knight, but he was also a very precious person to me .
I did know that it wasn’t possible to learn every detail about a person . I was aware of that, but I couldn’t let things pass . I was the curious kind .
If they think about it, Lady Sicelia said the same; there was too much that I didn’t know about Assisi .
Although we had been so close and lived together for a long time, I didn’t know anything about him .
It was a natural desire to learn more about a person you like, to become close to them emotionally . I wanted to know, even if it meant digging through Assisi’s wounds .
Maybe I was doing something evil .
I don’t know if I would do something painful to Assisi in the name of learning more about him .
However, I knew that if I went over there without forming a conclusion, I would always question myself . I had no idea why but seeing Assisi’s behavior, I knew a scenario like what happened last time would occur again .
Then, I’ll go and ask him again why he had to do that .
Assisi would go silent again . Then I would get angry, and the same situation as last night would happen again .
No, I won’t do that .
I shook my head . I couldn’t let that happen .
“Assisi, are you really not going to tell me why?”
Before leaving for Bureti, I went to Assisi’s room . To finish yesterday’s story and to bring closure to my thoughts .
Assisi was silent as ever .
Watching him say nothing, I held my desire to cry my guts out .
“Are you going to live without talking to me forever?”
My voice had resentment in it, but Assisi bowed his head and stayed silent . I was tired . It was like talking to a wall .
I already knew from the experience that there’s nothing I could do to make him speak . In other people’s eyes, I would appear like someone who was messing with a good friend .
Right, right .
“Fine . Assisi can do whatever he wants to!”
That was when Assisi raised his head .
It was the best plan I came up with in my pretty head last night .
“From this moment on Assisi, I am relieving you of your duty as my escort knight . ”
Assisi was clearly shocked .
I felt guilty, but I spoke steadily .
“I don’t need a guardian knight who can’t trust me . ”
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