Published at 22nd of January 2020 09:44:19 AM
Chapter 153
Chapter 153: The Emperor’s Daughter Chapter . 153
I did not know what to call this feeling . It’s strange and new… yet, I found myself yearning for it . I wanted to protect her . She’s such a small and delicate child, I thought she might disappear if left alone . I wanted to protect her, even if it would cost my life .
I had a wish for the first time in my life . For the first time, I had a reason to live this pointless life . I would gladly sacrifice my life if I could protect her .
I had never felt this way before .
“Of course, I know it must seem out of line for me to step forward, saying I wish to protect her with my tainted hands . Hands that have stolen from so many others in the past, but even so, I truly…”
I was suffocating . I tasted the bitterness from my throat . I felt so terrible about the fact that I even wished for this . It was so gross and disgusting that I felt like I would throw up .
However, I couldn’t surrender .
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All that self-sacrifice collapsed in one thought .
What if it broke? What if it crumbled? Suddenly, I was scared . What if I never saw her bright smile again? What was I supposed to do if it broke? The blockage in my chest tightened my breathing .
It was okay to not be on her side . I would be happy to see her from afar, and I would do anything to protect her . It’s okay if I would just watch over her . No, in fact, there was nothing more I’d wish for other than the opportunity of looking over her .
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There was no purpose, no conviction, no reason to live . It was a life wherein I only waited for my own death . I continued to live in vain in memory of the Sabbath that my Lord gave me .
That’s how I let go of everything, but I thought I was glad that I was still alive . Never once did I imagine that I would want something .
“…I wish to watch over someone, which reminds me so much of you, grow up safely . Even if my soul isn’t granted salvation, I do not wish to resist my urge to continue living beside her . ”
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A wish that came with a risk to my own life .
It was okay not to allow it . Even if I were rejected and abandoned, I would find a way to protect her in my own way . What I had hoped for now was something other than the end of my life . That made me happy . I could now see what a burst of joy felt .
“I wish to see the future she will see . I want to be with her as she saw her bright life . ”
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