"I have never said or felt such things," I was happy to tell him. Whatever that stupid female had felt, I could not call Reever tedious or dull. "You speak of my former self."
"Yes. Your former self." He lifted the server and drank from it. "However much I despise what you have done, Jarn, it gives me hope. Cherijo would have made the same choice to go to Vtaga."
He said the last with such venom that I flinched. Not because he despised me, but...
"Did you love her, or hate her?" "I hated myself for not being the man she wanted. For not inspiring enough love in her." Now he looked at me, and there was so much pain in his eyes that a sound escaped me. He ignored it. "She chose another man over me."
"Another?" I felt alarmed.
"He is dead."
Why had Cherijo not written about this? "You are not," I pointed out. "She remained with you, did she not?"
"It doesn't matter. Even dead, he always took first place in her heart."
I would have to discover who this dead man was. "A woman would not love a memory more than a real man."
"I thought what happened to you would at last give me some advantage." He looked at the server as if he couldn't quite recognize what it was. "You have no memories of him, only me. I took the first place in your heart... or perhaps I have not." He rested his forehead against his fist. "I did not want you to know of him, so I erased everything she wrote about him in her journal files."
That explained the periodic gaps in the data. I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing, but I saw no shame in it. Indeed, I thought his endless obsession with my former self unhealthy. Such fixations had nearly driven Teulon insane, although it had been more understandable in his case. He had lost his bondmate and every member of his HouseClan except his young son.
Discovering Xan had survived the Jado Massacre had given Teulon hope and renewed interest in life. Could not Marel do the same for Reever?
"I am not interested in the dead," I said. "We are together, and even when we do not agree, we suit each other." I glanced at the bed chamber. "If last night did not convince you of this, remember that we also share a daughter. She needs both of us. Can that not be enough for you?"
"For me?" His head came up. "You don't care that I destroyed some of your past?"
It is not my past. I shook my head. "I might erase the rest of it myself; it would save me much confusion."
He seemed shocked by my words. "You should know how you came to be."
"I know I was made from a man and grown inside a machine instead of a woman's belly. I cannot get sick and I may never die. If there are more unnatural things involved, please, do not tell me of them." He did not respond. "You understand the Hsktskt better than I, husband. I will need your wisdom when we reach Vtaga. And I... care for you. Do not let this become another wall between us."
He was silent for a long time. "If I agree, you must also make a concession."
"Anything."
"When we are among the Hsktskt, you must listen to me and do as I say." Before I could speak, he put his hand over mine. "I know this species intimately. I served as a member of the Faction for years. Your death on Akkabarr may have lifted the blood bounty, but there are other dangers. You cannot recognize them, but I will."
I hardly heard the last of what he said, so busy was I trying to absorb the fact that Reever had once belonged to the Hsktskt. Cherijo had said much about him in her journals, but never this. That he had once been a slaver changed everything. "Perhaps it will be better if I summon Teulon."
"No." His hand tightened. "I did not join them. I made a pretense of it. I never enslaved anyone." When I jerked at his hold, his mouth became a thin line. "You will listen to me this time."
I felt a curious paralysis move up my arm. Before I could react, some unseen force rendered my body immobile. I tried to cry out, but something besides myself filled my mind.
I can do more than read your thoughts, Jarn, Reever's voice said inside my head. I can use your mind to control your body.
My heartbeat raced as I tried to escape the invisible force he used to hold me in place.
At the same time, I felt Reever's own cool, focused thoughts enclose me as he somehow slowed my pulse and relaxed my knotted muscles.
I had never felt such an invasion, not even when we had coupled. I should have been terrified, or outraged, but his thoughts held me as gently as his arms. How can you do this?
I don't know. I have never been capable of such a link with anyone else but you.
Reever spoke as if my thoughts were my voice. It is the bond we have shared since the moment we first saw each other. Kiss me.
The paralysis lifted, and I shifted forward, leaning across the table to press my mouth against his.
He took his time enjoying the kiss before immobilizing me again. I can make you say or do anything I wish.
My lips tingled. Why have you never done this to me before now?
It is wrong to control another person. His fingers threaded through my hair. I'm only demonstrating what I can do. I will not lose you again. It nearly drove me mad when they took you from me the last time.
The mild affection I felt for Reever tightened inside me. I had respected him before this, but now I understood many things about his relationship with my former self that had not made sense. You might have said something about this when we made our agreement. You hide too much from me. How can I trust someone as dangerous as you are?
"Not dangerous." He sat back. "Devoted."
The paralysis vanished, as did his presence in my mind. I lifted my hand to touch my mouth, and then looked down at myself. "This is why she worried about giving herself to you. Because you could do this thing to her. Because you did it to her without her say.
She knew."
He nodded. He did not seem ashamed of it.
"Do you understand nothing about women?" I demanded. When he didn't answer, I got to my feet. Perhaps I had been made from a man, but I felt wholly female now. "You wish me to give you my trust, and then you do things like this as if you would destroy it.
You wish me to desire you, and then show me that you do not even need my cooperation to have me whenever you wish."
"I demonstrated the power of our link so that you would know that I love you," he countered. "If I did not, I would use it to take what I want."
"What is it that you want from me?" I shouted.
Reever did not move. "You. All of you, mind, body, and soul. You are all I have ever wanted."
"Are you insane? Blind?" I threw my arms out. "You have me." "I can never have you, just as I could never have her." His thoughts filled my mind again, but this time with an aching longing. Only you can choose to give yourself to me.
Not as repayment of a favor, or in fear of me because I am male. Your choice must be made because you love me as I love you.
I knew Reever had loved Cherijo. No man would have searched as long and as hard as he had for a woman unless she meant everything to him. He had joined the rebellion on Akkabarr and fought a war not his own rather than abandon his quest for my former self.
For a moment, I felt unworthy of this man and his love. I was not the woman for whom he had sacrificed so much, and yet he wanted me, and was apparently willing to settle for me and love me in her place.
Could I be happy with that? "Iisleg men and women do not love each other. Love cannot... is not..." My vision blurred and the room began to whirl. "Stop doing that, or I will puke."
"It isn't me. The ship is making an inter-dimensional transition," Reever said, his voice drawing near. "Close your eyes."
Darea had warned me that it would be disorienting, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt arms come around me.
Joey.
"Jarn. I am Jarn. I will never be anyone but Jarn." My skin crawled as I realized it was not Reever who had called to me.
"Who..."
Joey.
"Jarn?"
The two voices blended together, confusing me, and then they were lost in the darkness, as I was.
About the Author.
Since 2000, Lynn Viehl has published thirty-five novels in five genres. On the internet, she hosts Paperback Writer (http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com), a popular publishing industry weblog which she updates daily. Lynn's StarDoc science fiction series has been a genre bestseller since 2000, and Lynn has made the USA Today bestseller list three times since 2005 with her first three novels of the Darkyn, If Angels Burn, Private Demon and Dark Need. Lynn's next Darkyn novel, Night Lost, will be released nationwide in May 2007
Readers are always welcome to send feedback by e-mail to [email protected].
Note to Readers If you've enjoyed this free e-book, please let other people know about it, as word of mouth is the best advertising a writer can't buy. Also, if you're interested in reading other novels I've written, here's my bibliography:
Science Fiction (writing as S.L. Viehl)
StarDoc SF series: StarDoc January 2000 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451457730 Beyond Varallan July 2000 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451457935 Endurance January 2001 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451458141 Shockball August 2001 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451458559 Eternity Row September 2002 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451458915 Rebel Ice January 3, 2006 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451460626 Plague of Memory To be released January 2007
Other SF novels: Blade Dancer August 2003 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451459261 Ring of Fire (Anthology; short story: A Matter of Consultation) January 2004 BAEN ISBN 074347175X Bio Rescue August 2004 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451459784 Afterburn August 5, 2005 Roc SF/F ISBN 0451460294
Romance (writing as Gena Hale) Paradise Island April 2001 ONYX ISBN 0451409825 Dream Mountain August 2001 ONYX ISBN 0451410033 Sun Valley June 2002 ONYX ISBN 0451410394
Romance (writing as Jessica Hall) The Deepest Edge February 2003 ONYX ISBN 0451207963 The Steel Caress May 2003 ONYX ISBN 0451208528 The Kissing Blades August 2003 ONYX ISBN 045120946X Into the Fire March 2004 ONYX ISBN 0451411307 Heat of the Moment October 2004 ONYX ISBN 0451411587
Dark Fantasy (writing as Lynn Viehl) If Angels Burn April 2005 Signet Eclipse ISBN 0451214773 Private Demon October 2005 Signet Eclipse ISBN 0451217055 Dark Need June 2006 Signet Eclipse ISBN 0451218663 Night Lost To be released May 2007 Signet Eclipse
Note to Readers (cont.)
Christian Adult Fiction Series (writing as Rebecca Kelly) Grace Chapel Inn Series/GUIDEPOSTS Going to the Chapel Home for the Holidays Midsummer Melody Promises to Keep Portraits of the Past Life is a Three-Ring Circus
You can also find more free e-books that I've written on the sidebar of my weblog, Paperback Writer, at http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com.
Happy reading!
Lynn Viehl