1293 Scumbag? Excuse me?
Zhou Li laughed, and said, “Don’t worry, we were long prepared for this! Dugu Bai, you can only dream of kidnapping the bride! Doudou, with me here, you’ll definitely get married without problems.”
After getting married off, Doudou would have his own home, and would no longer run away from home. At that time, Zhou Li would no longer have to follow behind him to clean up his messes.
He would finally have enough time to date Ouyang Yuan; just thinking about it moved him to tears.
Doudou, I will make sure that you get married, even if I have to risk my life. With this, you can be happy in the future… And so will I!
Zhou Li was indeed well prepared. All the attacks were blocked by him and the members that he had arranged.
We only need to block them for a while. When the fellow daoists of the ‘Nine Provinces Number One Group’ and True Monarch Yellow Mountain, who are on the immortal boats behind, arrive, these guys that are planning to crash the wedding will be captured in minutes!
“Kidnapping the bride?!” Soft Feather’s voice suddenly rose.
She had never expected to encounter a plot like this, one that was usually only seen in movies.
Soft Feather excitedly said, “Senior Song! Senior Song, did you hear that? They’re trying to kidnap the bride!”
Song Shuhang: “…”
He had heard Zhou Li call out ‘Dugu Bai’ just now. If his memory served him right, Dugu Bai should be Fairy Fleeting Life’s disciple, right?
Did he really have to come and make a mess here?
If Dugu Bai really wanted to crash the marriage, why not kidnap Fairy Fleeting Life instead of ambushing Doudou? What was that guy thinking?
“Speaking of bride kidnapping, I suddenly remembered some interesting news,” Su Clan’s Sixteen said. “Not that long ago, someone on the Internet wreaked havoc by kidnapping a bride, but the target of the kidnapping was quite shocking.”
Soft Feather said, “I know about that. When everyone thought that he was going to take the bride, he instead took the bridegroom away with him, right?”
“No, in the video I watched, it was a woman who took the bride away with her.”
“…” Song Shuhang sighed, and said, “Just what kind of news are you two looking at? Do you not have any news about normal wedding snatchings?”
Fairy Creation said, “Yiyiya~ Yiyiya~ Stupid~”
Soft Feather replied, “It’s because the things that appear on the news nowadays are only those that would be able to catch people’s attention. As such, they try to stand out from the rest. A man kidnapping a woman, or a woman kidnapping a man would no longer be seen as news. It is only the newer things like a man kidnapping a man or a woman kidnapping a woman that would be able to attract people’s attention.”
Su Clan’s Sixteen said, “It’s like how a dog biting a person would no longer be on the news, but a person biting a dog would be.”
Soft Feather added, “Actually, a person biting a dog wouldn’t appear on the news, either. The ones you’ll see are going to be the more violent ones. For example, people and dogs biting each other, or a person chasing after a dozen dogs to bite them.”
Su Clan’s Sixteen said, “So, you can’t blame us.”
Song Shuhang felt that he could not refute their points.
Soft Feather said, “Come, Senior Song. There’s a kidnapper who’s going to rush towards us!”
Su Clan’s Sixteen said, “You’re the one in charge of the first part, so you’ll be the one who has to deal with him.”
Soft Feather assuringly said, “Don’t worry, I’ve already come up with the lines I’m going to say to the kidnapper.”
Song Shuhang felt a little uneasy. “What are you going to do?”
Soft Feather said, “Of course, I’m going to reject him. We want to guarantee the success of Doudou’s wedding, even though the kidnapping plot feels quite exciting…”
While she was speaking, a big-bearded man got through Zhou Li’s defenses and rushed towards Doudou.
The big-bearded man said, “Puppy, come with me!”
Soft Feather solemnly said, “Scumbag, you want me to go with you? In your dreams!”
The big-bearded man muttered, “Scumbag?”
“You bastard, right when I’ve decided on getting married, you come here to ruin the wedding?! If you wanted to kidnap me, why haven’t you done so earlier? There was so much time before the wedding has begun that you could have used to talk to me. Despite that, it is only now, when I’ve already decided to get married, that you appear in front of me… Just let it go, okay? Dugu Bai, I’m never going to go with you!” Soft Feather sternly recited the lines she got from God knew where.
She was moved by her own lines and stretched out her paws to wipe the corners of her eyes.
These lines are really great.
“What?” The big-bearded man was dumbfounded.
…Time was very precious, and he didn’t want to waste it on listening to this puppy’s long story. He wanted to just grab the puppy, but his hand couldn’t seem to wrap itself around Doudou’s body.
There was a layer of golden light which was like an absolute defense on the other party’s body, preventing the big-bearded man’s hand from touching Doudou’s body. Naturally, this light was the virtuous lamia; she was guarding Song Shuhang, and consequently, guarding Doudou’s body.
Soft Feather asked, “Huh? Are my lines not moving enough?”
“Soft Feather, I think you misunderstood something here,” Song Shuhang said. “This big-bearded man isn’t Dugu Bai. Dugu Bai isn’t this ugly.”
Soft Feather asked, “What?”
Well, that was embarrassing.
The big-bearded man: “…”
Song Shuhang said, “Moreover, Dugu Bai wouldn’t come here to look for Doudou. If he did come here, it would be to kidnap his teacher.”
Soft Feather asked, “Then who’s the big-bearded man, and what’s he doing here?”
Song Shuhang replied, “Maybe he’s Dugu Bai’s partner?”
Soft Feather said, “Since that’s the case, I’ll have to change the lines.”
While the big-bearded man was busy trying to get through the defensive golden light, Soft Feather continued, “You, Big Bearded Man, go and tell Dugu Bai that I will no longer have any ties with him in this life. Tell him to forget about me, I’m a bad woman.”
“Excuse me?” The big-bearded man was dumbfounded.
Who the hell is Dugu Bai?!
Soft Feather shouted, [Senior Song, this guy doesn’t seem to even know who Dugu Bai is. Could there be another misunderstanding?]
Song Shuhang muttered, [If this kidnapping isn’t related to Dugu Bai… Who else would want to crash the wedding?]
At this time, Zhou Li’s voice came. “Hahahaha! Fellow Daoist Dugu Bai, just give up already. You don’t stand a chance. Seniors, please help me take care of these wedding ruiners!”
“F*ck, I haven’t even come out and tried to kidnap the bride, alright?” At this moment, a voice suddenly came from a distance.
It was Dugu Bai. He stood up and angrily said to Zhou Li, “That person who’s kidnapping the bride right now isn’t related to me! I haven’t even done anything yet!”
Dugu Bai decided to abort Plan A.
This other wedding-crashing team had completely messed up his plans. Now, even if he did lead his team to charge forward, he wouldn’t be able to secretly replace Doudou according to plan A, as Zhou Li had been alerted.
Godlike opponents weren’t that scary, piglike teammates on the other hand…
From where did this other team come?
With Plan A gone, Dugu Bai took the initiative to implement Plan B.
Zhou Li looked at Dugu Bai and froze.
F*ck, if this isn’t Dugu Bai’s doing, then who are the ones that are trying to kidnap the bride right now?
At this time, at the edge of the golden platform, a guy dressed in assassin’s clothing rushed towards the big-bearded man, and angrily said, “Fool, what are you doing?! Grab the dog!”
The big-bearded man replied, “Big Brother, this dog is protected by light of virtue; I can’t grab it.”
The guy dressed as an assassin exclaimed, “Damn, why the hell does this dog have such a strong power of virtue?!”
Zhou Li said, “I know, but I won’t tell you. Little shiet, have a taste of my chain!”
Two strange chains were summoned and shot towards the assassin and the big-bearded man.
On the edge of the golden platform was an inescapable net that Zhou Li had set up earlier. Even if Doudou had not had the ‘power of virtue’ protecting him, the big-bearded man would not have been able to leave the platform.
In the next moment, the big-bearded man and the assassin were both ensnared.
“Who are you?” Zhou Li said in a deep voice. Since this big-bearded man isn’t a part of Dugu Bai’s group, who in the world is he? And, why is he trying to ruin the wedding?
A guy in the shadows said, “It doesn’t matter who we are. Do you think that you’ve won just because you’ve caught us like this? Naive.”
The big-bearded man shouted, “Plan A has been compromised, execute Plan B!”
These days, when doing something big like this, it would be embarrassing for one not to have prepared an entire series of plans.
Some of the members of the wedding-crashing team complained, “Damn, we’re executing Plan B already? Whoever planned plan A is an idiot. It failed so quickly.”
Subsequently, under the questioning gazes of Zhou Li, Fairy Lychee, and the others, all of the members of the wedding-crashing team stretched out their hands towards their eyes, scooping them out.
The assassin and the big-bearded man also followed suit.
Eventually, all of the eyes proactively gathered together, a huge eye was formed directly above the big-bearded man.
This huge eye looked like it was made of flames; it burned fiercely. Within the flames, a red pupil could be seen.
Another eyeball? Song Shuhang thought. Recently, he had been encountering eye-related things time and again. It had been a bad experience every time it happened.
What was the origin of this flaming eyeball?
Meanwhile, the wedding crashers who had scooped out their eyeballs, including the big-beard man and the assassin, all turned into ashes.
Immediately afterward, a soul-like thing emerged from their bodies and soared into the sky towards the huge flaming eye.
The ‘soul’ of the big-bearded man smiled with pride. “Haha, since you’ve forced us to use Plan B, you’re done for. Originally, we had only planned on snatching this puppy, but now, all of you are going to be sent to your deaths.”
After he finished laughing, he also rose into the sky, preparing to throw himself into the flaming eye.
But at this moment, a golden arm suddenly grabbed the big-bearded man’s ‘soul’.
It was the virtuous lamia.
After she grabbed the ‘soul’, she turned to look at Doudou’s body. Inside her, Scarlet Heaven Sword tacitly dubbed her. “Shuhang, the soul ferrying technique!”
The soul ferrying technique? But I’m not in my own body right now, can I still use the soul ferrying technique?
The big-bearded man angrily said, “Let me go.”
Song Shuhang immediately took over the control of Doudou’s body from Soft Feather.
After that, he tried to use the soul ferrying technique—he stretched out his paws to grab the big-bearded man while chanting the ❮Ksitigarbha’s Soul Ferrying Scripture❯.
Doudou’s body suddenly exuded a feeling of great compassion and great wisdom.
The big-bearded man exclaimed, “Fool, I’m not a ghost! How are you going to ferry me?”
At this time, the virtuous lamia spat out Scarlet Heaven Sword and used it to stab the big-bearded man’s chest…