Similar to the previous Chapter 24, with some modifications. Still sad though… 😥
CSWH Chapter 28: Older Brother’s Wish"……elder brother."
When I returned to the mansion from the tower, I headed towards brother's room.
Somehow, I just felt like talking to elder brother.
Elder brother was playing board games by himself.
I'm sure that he was reviewing his match with Romel-ojisan on his own.
"I just started my break. No need to hold back."
"Yes……"
"……how unusual for Mel to come here."
"Is that so?"
Tilting my head to the side, I thought back to my past visits.
He was indeed right - since coming to the Capital, I've only come to visit him once or twice.
"And so, what is it?"
"Would you give me the privilege of talking with you for a while?"
"Of course. That's why you came here, right?"
"Yes…….um, why did brother want to learn the sword?"
When I asked that, elder brother laughed.
"That's quite an odd question to ask. For the firstborn son of the Anderson Marquis House, which excels in the military arts in Tasmeria Kingdom, is it not necessary to learn a certain degree of martial arts?"
"That is true, but……"
Clink clink, elder brother stopped moving the board game pieces and met my gaze.
"……Melly. If you have something that you want to ask, it's fine to ask directly. Right now, only you and I are here. There is no need for restraint between family, right?"
At brother's words, I stopped momentarily.
……now that I think of it, how long has it been since I last spoke to my brother like this?
No, it wasn't just with elder brother.
It was with father, and Granny too.
I have only been holding the bare minimum amount of conversation, and never spoke to them as family.
Or perhaps, I have only really spoken in conversations related to revenge.
That is why I was bewildered for a second.
However, without pressing me to continue speaking, elder brother simply did nothing but gaze at me.
"……has brother never desired to take revenge for mother?"
For a moment, a wrinkle appeared on brother's forehead as he appeared to ponder.
"Honestly speaking, I have. I wanted to send that bunch who killed mother straight to hell with my own hands, without leaving a single one of them behind."
"……and now?"
At my question, elder brother made a sad smile.
"Even now, I think that. If I was blessed with the chance, I would act without hesitating. I have no intention of forgiving those who stole my……our family's precious person and happiness."
"That's good……"
His answer relieved me.
"However, Melly. On the other hand, I am worried about your current condition."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You said that revenge is everything. In other words…..right now, you are turning your eyes away from the present and only looking at the past. Without desiring happiness……seeing you just single-mindedly continuing to pursue a past happiness that will never return, how am I supposed to have a peace of mind?"
As if to admonish me, elder brother spoke his question slowly.
However, those words magnificently sent my heart dropping with a thump.
……I made a choice.
I threw away that gentle world of "what if", and decided to advance on the thorny path of blood.
That is why I wouldn't look back to the past.
……however, the me who thought that was the one who was clinging on to that kind past the most, unable to break away from it.
From that past that will no longer return, and those warm days.
But, I cannot be forgiven.
Because, that day……the reason why mother separated from father and tried to return to the territory earlier was because of my selfishness.
If I hadn't said that I wanted her to celebrate on the very day of my birthday……she would have returned together with father, and mother may have arrived safely at the mansion.
……more than anything, I cannot be forgiven.
Because I was the cause that lead to everyone's precious person being stolen away.
And I cannot pretend that this violent fury doesn't exist.
This fury that desires revenge even if it drags me down with it.
"……you may be satisfied like that. However, father and I are hoping that you will become happy. Because we love you as family. That is exactly why we find your current state heartbreaking, and are worried about you."
Though I thought that, elder brother's tender eyes seemed to find fault with it. To the current me, that kindness hurt.
"Elder brother……"
"When I heard that you were attacked by bandits, my blood froze. And then, from the bottom of my heart, I felt annoyed with my own idiocy……within me, mother's incident was of utmost priority. It is not a lie that I wished to throw those guys down to hell."
Saying that, elder brother stretched a hand towards me.
"However……you are alive. You're alive……!"
A hand larger than my own grasped my hand tightly. It was as if……as if it were trying to make sure of my existence.
"I……do not want to turn my eyes away from the precious things that are currently in my hands, and then regret it later."
Elder brother's words, the tone of which gradually began to be filled with heat, pierced my chest.
I thought that elder brother's facial expressions had become more plentiful lately, like how they were when we were younger.
Father was the same.
Although I thought that it was thanks to Romel-ojisan……was I wrong?
"……brother, are you saying that I am wrong?"
"No. A person's heart belongs to that person alone. There is no right or wrong. As long as your heart does not deny your wish, then to you, that is right. That is why, what I said was……my ego."
Elder brother released my hand and stroked my head.
"I will not deny your desire to have revenge. No, I can't…….huh. You should do what you desire to accomplish. However, please do not forget. That we are praying for your happiness."
It was a kind wish.
However, that warm and gentle heart was unable to penetrate this frozen heart of mine, rendering it incapable of melting the ice itself.
Why do they pursue happiness?
……even though the same happiness from that time will never return.
Why do they pray for me to be happy?
……even though it's impossible to see the same scene from that time.
No matter how much we pray, it is impossible to take back the happiness that was stolen at that time.
……I don't understand.
Questions welled up and spun around before disappearing.
That night, for the first time in a while I was engrossed in thinking, making me unable to fall asleep immediately.
I thought the entire time, as the night wind blew in from the window that I had left wide open.