Chapter 123 Iris’s monologue
After Tanya prepared my bed for me, I lay down for a bit .
And then after she left, I went to the balcony .
Although it was a bit unseemly, it should be fine at night…at least that’s what I told myself .
I gazed at the night sky, and looked at the street .
It was quite dark . I couldn’t make much out .
It was the darkness of a world without electricity .
But even that kind of darkness made me happy .
“…a wish that I can’t abandon, hm? Like an idiot…”
I clenched my jaw…but still I couldn’t hold back the ugly tears . It was only because I didn’t have to worry about being seen by others that I could allow an expression like that onto my face .
My whispers echoed, then dissipated in the darkness .
More and more tears flowed down my face .
With the tears came the sobs that I tried my hardest to hold back .
…I wasn’t ignoring what Tanya said .
It was actually the opposite .
Tanya’s words were a signal to me .
Sleeping deep within my heart was… . a wish that I couldn’t abandon .
I was the idiot .
I had encountered painful, awful experiences, and the emotions that should have been locked away spilled out so easily .
I had encountered painful, awful experiences, and the emotions that should have been locked away spilled out so easily .
How fragile .
I had realized it . Even though I pretended I hadn’t .
I made up excuses, even lied to my own heart .
If I could just face myself, it would be easy .
Why did I rely on him, flirt with him?
Who did I reveal my pains and my emotions to?
Why did I get so deep into the trenches of ugly jealousy?
It was because even though my heart understood everything, my mind had stopped thinking .
But I…could not fail any more .
But I…could not fail any more .
What I might lose was of too much importance .
The people following me, my territory . And the people who lived on this land .
Facing all of this, I felt that I was turning back into the idiotic self of my past . Thinking about the desperation of being betrayed…made me so scared .
I don’t want that .
Uncertain things that I couldn’t confirm with my eyes, things that I was powerless against–why would I chase after them like this?
Although I was so afraid, there was also an intense emotion in my heart, waiting to erupt .
“I like…”
Trying to say it made my heart drop to the ground with a thud .
I hadn’t said that in front of him .
I hadn’t said that in front of him .
Because my yearning would never come true .
A love that went past identities, a story that was more like a dream .
Cinderella was also a noble .
Yuri was also a duke’s daughter .
That’s why I didn’t tell him .
…I couldn’t throw away all that was so important to me .
So I hid my true feelings again .
And then, looked away .
Tomorrow, my smile would be the same as always .
Chapter 123 Iris s monologue After Tanya prepared my bed for me, I lay down for a bit . And then after she left, I went to the balcony . Although it was a bit unseemly, it should be fine at night at least that s what I told myself . I gazed at the night sky, and looked at the street . It was quite dark . I couldn t make much out . It was the darkness of a world without electricity . But even that kind of darkness made me happy . a wish that I can t abandon, hm Like an idiot I clenched my jaw but still I couldn t hold back the ugly tears . It was only because I didn t have to worry about being seen by others that I could allow an expression like that onto my face . My whispers echoed, then dissipated in the darkness . More and more tears flowed down my face . With the tears came the sobs that I tried my hardest to hold back . I wasn t ignoring what Tanya said . It was actually the opposite . Tanya s words were a signal to me . Sleeping deep within my heart was . a wish that I couldn t abandon . I was the idiot . I had encountered painful, awful experiences, and the emotions that should have been locked away spilled out so easily . How fragile . I had realized it . Even though I pretended I hadn t . I made up excuses, even lied to my own heart . If I could just face myself, it would be easy . Why did I rely on him, flirt with him Who did I reveal my pains and my emotions to Why did I get so deep into the trenches of ugly jealousy It was because even though my heart understood everything, my mind had stopped thinking . But I could not fail any more . What I might lose was of too much importance . The people following me, my territory . And the people who lived on this land . Facing all of this, I felt that I was turning back into the idiotic self of my past . Thinking about the desperation of being betrayed made me so scared . I don t want that . Uncertain things that I couldn t confirm with my eyes, things that I was powerless against why would I chase after them like this Although I was so afraid, there was also an intense emotion in my heart, waiting to erupt . I like Trying to say it made my heart drop to the ground with a thud . I hadn t said that in front of him . Because my yearning would never come true . A love that went past identities, a story that was more like a dream . Cinderella was also a noble . Yuri was also a duke s daughter . That s why I didn t tell him . I couldn t throw away all that was so important to me . So I hid my true feelings again . And then, looked away . Tomorrow, my smile would be the same as always .