52 Confession:
‘I am from Jiu village,’
‘Jiu village was in the mountains between the Duke Cajés lands and State-owned land,’ I told Volker.
Julius nodded and continued, ‘There are few arable land and it is difficult to grow crops, so all of our people are poor. Because of this, we do temporary service to the Duke as indentured servants instead of paying taxes.’ As he spoke, his hands were clenched and his lips were thin, he looked like he was remembering something painful.
‘Even though everyone worked hard, the Duke would withhold food if anyone of us fails. It doesn’t matter if they are man, woman or child. So the people of our village are small and emaciated.’
Even though he was slender, Julius looked healthy and taller. After coming to the kingdom and spending time as Julia under Eugene’s care eating good food, his body grew.
‘Two years ago, when I first got engaged to Eugene, I came to the Duke’s land near Jiu village, were you there then?’
Julius gave a small nod.
At that time I had still been excited about marrying Eugene, but I soon realised his true nature.
‘I was at the manor to my indenture; we received a lot of bread in celebration of the engagement and your arrival.’
Oh yeah…
Volker turned to me and muttered, ‘Bread?’ Yes, a common thing like bread wasn’t common in Jiu, it was surprising. The Duke Cajés was laughing at my father at that time calling father, “A bad man with too much money”
‘Even though the Duke gets so much food, we aren’t allowed to partake in it. The food often spoils, but he prefers to throw it away than provide for his servants. But he gave us that bread.’
Julius had been amazed to eat soft bread that didn’t need to be immersed in thin tasteless soup. He ate heartily for a long time.
That was good; I had thought it weird at the time to send bread. But father had replied lazily, ‘Is there anyone who doesn’t like bread?”
And I thought about the food circumstances in the Duke’s territory and the character of Duke Cajés, it was probably the best thing to reach the people properly. Afterwards, shops selling “Castley Pan(lol)” (Zuben: Not me) opened in the small villages in the territory. Father had thought thoroughly!
Even after Eugene jilted me and we cancelled the engagement contract, Father had continued to provide cheap bread to the impoverished towns and villages.
I asked father why he was doing this, he replied, “Hmm? You would have an easier time if you grab the stomach of the citizens when you want to leave the Duke, don’t you think?” I could not judge whether father was joking or not. Father…
‘And then I met Fredericksama…’
Eh? Did we?
I’m sorry, but I don’t remember…
‘You forced a small jar of jam into my hands, you told me “I just have one, I’m sorry”’
‘Ah…’ I remember.
I had given a small bottle of jam that I had put in my pocket to lick when I was bored to a little girl who was near me.
That cute little girl was Julius?!
‘We did meet…’
Julius laughed, ‘I was really small; my friends always joked that I looked like a girl. But I was glad for it at that time, the jam was shared with everyone and was soon gone, but that small bottle I have always kept it…’
Julius’ eyes narrowed.
‘I had heard Eugene talking to his friends about his treatment of you. I spoke to my friends about it, and they said “Why don’t you dress up as a girl and try and coerce Eugene?” It seemed like a good idea at the time.’
Everyone cooperated with the aim that we were doing the right thing.
‘It was easy to wear a dress and put on light makeup. My hair was already long because I was going to sell it. I had tried to dye my hair red but it came out an impossible orange instead.’
‘I approached him boldly, and he was easily caught because I was his “ideal woman”. I did not have a visible bust.’ Julius said with laugh.
Eugene’s ideal was not feminine, it was masculine. I gave a sigh.
‘After Eugene broke up with you at the ball, I should have left at that time, but circumstances went out of my control.’
Julius looked at me directly for a moment before dropping his eyes again. I wondered what had happened, for his mouth became glum and be heaved a heavy sigh,
‘I became under house arrest,’ he said lightly. It was ridiculous. (Zuben: Wow possessive-much)
‘I could not get in touch with my friends, and then the strange rumours started going round…It was my friends that did that. I’m sorry.’
Ah, the weird messengers! Volker nodded.
‘I’m also sorry about what happened at the theatre. I was being taken about by Eugene. While he was talking to an acquaintance, I heard that you would be coming. I thought I might be able to talk to you, but then you appeared on the arm of the General. You looked beautiful and really happy…’
Julius didn’t add that he hated me in that moment.
That is fair. If it had been me, who had to pretend in such a way to save someone, and the person appeared seemingly carefree, even if they did not know, I would want to shout at them as well.
I wanted to apologise. As I leaned forward to do so, Volker stopped me. Why? He shook his head.
Why shouldn’t I apologise?
Right, I shouldn’t apologise…
‘Julius,’ I called as I leaned over the table and grasped his hands, ‘Thank you for doing your best for my sake. Thanks to you, I married Volker and I am very happy.’
Julius sniffed making his shoulders bounce. His fallen face looked up at me,
‘You’re happy now?’
‘Yes, I am very happy.’ I gave him a bright smile. If Julius hadn’t helped me, I could not be here. Thank you so much, Julius.
(Zuben: Julius, were you hoping to marry the rich girl ¬.¬)
Unexpectedly, Julius’ eyes got wet and beautiful tears ran down his eyes,
‘I am happy that you’re happy.’
It seemed that he felt it was worth the effort, and he laughed as he wiped away the tears.
53 These days Cinderella does not drop her shoe:
Julius drank a cup of the cooled tea and bid us farewell.
His eyes were red and he looked like a rabbit, but it was very impressive to have refreshing face. (Zuben: I always wonder what having a refreshing face means)
‘It is because of Julius, I can be next to you.’
Xavier was replenishing the tea. He poured fresh cups from Volker and me.
‘Yes, he should laud him as the brave man who saved the crisis of the survival of the Brennan family.’ Xavier said. He turned to towards the front of the house and stared profoundly into the distance, ‘Yes, let us pass this down forever.’
Volker spat out his tea with a 『bufu!』
What was in the pot of tea?
Xavier smiled and walked back into the house. I handed a handkerchief to Volker who coughed and I patted his back. He waved me off.
‘Do you understand what he meant?’ Volker asked after catching his breath. Hm? What is this aura?
‘Um, you mean about Julius?’
The flow of the story is perfect, isn’t it? Or maybe you should explain what else is there?
‘To tell the story to our grandchildren; is that what he meant?’
Volker lifted me up as he does, and put be on his knee. He leaned close to my ears and whispered,
‘First of all, shouldn’t there be children before grandchildren?’
Ah…? That baritone reverberated through my bones. But Volker, it’s still daylight, do you want to do that?!
‘Yes…that’s right! That’s true!’
It feels comfortable being on his knees like this.
‘Do you understand? Would you like to have children with me, Fredericka?’ he asked as his big hand stroked my back and flank. Volker, your hands are moving naughtily.
‘I do want us to have children…Volker…outside is a little troubling…’
The gradually increasing pressure underneath my buttocks was becoming too hot to ignore, I feel a responding 『ki ~yu~u~u』 in my body.
As a result of being loved until I lost my mind, without showing my face at the dinner table, I gave birth the following year to a daunting baby girl that was quite like her father.
Two years after, I gave birth to twin boys. Everyday is lively and busy.
‘Moommy, please read it to me!’ My daughter Bianca, who had been running around the garden till her cheeks were red, handed me a picture book. It wasn’t one I remember buying.
‘What is it, Mistress?’ Marie asked as she settled the tea things on the garden table. She looked at the book in our hands, ‘That is a very popular picture book! I heard it is out of stock in all the book stores.’
‘I don’t remember buying it, do you think Volker did?
Since Bianca was born, we discovered that Volker loved children very much. The moment he laid eyes on Bianca, he became tearful and announced,
“I will never give her to anyone.”
Then he amazed everyone by saying, “Bianca is my favourite.”
I cried in the shadows after being told. My husband who is so absorbed with his daughter he will forget about his wife, yet I do not feel like leaving him. I wonder why…
‘Read, Mama, reaaad…’
‘Oh I’m sorry, Bianca.’
So I read the story for my daughter; there was a prince, a tortured hero whom the heroine met at the ball, losing her shoe, finding her… happy every after, it seems. It seems somehow familiar in places.
‘Doesn’t that sound familiar? Marie said.
What is that 『niyoniyo』 face?
I know what she wants to say but she must not affirm it!
‘No, it’s not familiar at all.’
‘Well, in Mistress’ case, you didn’t drop your sho…’
‘Shush!’ I said covering Marie’s mouth. Even Bianca can understand what panties are already, let’s not talk about strange things!
‘Did you drop bread?’ Bianca asked, she didn’t wait for a reply but ran off into the garden.
I am raising a good child who can read the air.
I rose from my seat, I wanted to check on the twins, but I accidently dropped the book. I picked it up to see that something was written in small print on the back of the hardcover in black ink: Happy if you are happy.
I sucked in breath at the familiar remark.
I turned about looking around the garden, but it is just Bianca and Marie playing.
Is it that you came without me seeing you? We do not have any contact anymore.
I took a deep breath and went to the babies’ room to look in on them.
“Happy if you are happy”
I smiled, I am very happy.
Extra 1 Heartrending Grief:
‘…this doesn’t mean anything…’ Marie tried to comfort me, but I could not confirm or deny it. I gave a vague laugh.
Following his return from work, Volker gave me a present box; one from a specialty store.
‘Thank you,’ I said happily, surprised by the unexpected gift.
Volker had a relieved look on his face that seemed to say “I’m glad you’re happy”. He took of his jack and went to his study to work a bit.
‘To feed caught fish, the Master is sweet! You’re loved, Fredericksama!’ Marie said happily while poking me in the side.
‘Would you like to wear it this evening even if it is not your size?’ she asked as she began to open the box carefully.
I nodded; it would be nice to wear it tonight.
What if it is some weird design, though?!
This specialty store had items that catered to men’s shameful desire. No, I’m not implying that Volker is disgusting, but sometimes men have an unexpected hobby - no I’m not implying that Volker has a strange hobby…
Marie opened the package.
‘Marie, Volker is not like tha…’
Marie’s smile died out as soon as she saw the contents of the box. I had a bad feeling about it.
‘Fredericksama, this…’ she said as she pulled out the article, ‘…this is nothing…’
We had dinner together, and then it was time for the evening bath. I was able to sit in the bath be myself because Volker was still busy.
As I dried off, I thought about my night clothes.
I wonder if I should wear that.
The present Volker bought was neither shameful nor perverted. It was a frumpy old lady night gown. It was a nightgown packed with plenty of wishes to cool the fire in one’s belly. The difference in design is to drastic compared to what I wore yesterday…but Volker picked it for me and bought it, maybe he really wants to cool things down.
I put on the nightdress. As I imagined, you can’t see the form of the body underneath the nightdress. And because I am short, I look like a child.
Is this it?
Does this imply that he isn’t interested in my body anymore?
Does this mean that he is no longer requesting the night business from me? How? Even though, Volker usually asks for it in an overwhelming manner. Even though we do it everyday; isn’t it too soon after being newlyweds for him to be bored? Is he cheating or something?
I left my dressing room and went to the Master bedroom. Volker was in bed reading documents, he looked up at the sound of me entering. His face stiffened.
‘Volker…?’
What wrong? Are you trembling in excitement? (Zuben: If he was, that would clear the weird perversion question wouldn’t it?)
‘Fredericka, why are you wearing it now?’
‘Eh…?’
Volker got out of bed, took my hand and led me back to my dressing room. He opened my wardrobe and picked out my usual night wear; a light purple babydoll.
‘When you wear this nightdress, you look like a fairy of violet flowers. I think it is very beautiful.’
Haa…
I took the baby doll from him, took of my granny nightgown and changed into the babydoll. It was a bit embarrassing to change in front of Volker, but I thought it would be strange to ask him to leave the room as I changed.
When I was done, Volker gave a satisfied nod and lifted me up and took me back to the master bedroom.
‘Volker, when do I have to wear that nightdress?’ I asked as I unbuttoned his nightshirt while his kissed my forehead and cheeks. I was curious as to why he bought it.
‘I want you to wear it in the morning.’
What kind of attention is that?
It seemed my thoughts were plain on my face and Volker smiled awkwardly.
‘When I wake up in the morning and see you in your sensuous nightgown, or if you’re naked – I don’t want to go to work. But with this nightgown, all I will see in the morning is just your face and limbs, so relatively it’s okay. I’m a bad guy, please understand me.’
Relatively?! It is not at all fine, relatively!
I wanted to retort but I got caught up in his loving caresses and I endured lovingly as well. (Zuben: Some days “enduring lovingly” sounds sweet, and other days it just sound like she don’t like it but because she loves him she lets him get on with it)
When I got up in the morning, I put on the nightdress and my stomach was not cold. While we were kissing, Volker said,
‘To some extent, your lush body is hidden in under the frumpy nightgown.’
Volker, please keep mutter that kind of thought inwardly!
The END!