43 It is difficult to remain innocent
It was hot.
I rolled about in bed looking for a cooler place. It would feel good on my heated body. I felt a sense of incompatibility when I breathed in and rolled, especially in my crotch. Did I ride a horse yesterday? (Zuben: Well…) So much that my hips are stiff? I haven’t been to the countryside because I’m with Volker…
I wakened rapidly from my half awake state by a rough surface.
That’s right, yesterday I...!
I felt like my whole face was red, but I hadn’t opened my eyes because I was still very tired. My face was heated as I began to recollect the events of the previous night. No, there are many things I want to remember, but the most important; I don’t remember the landing point. Well, I remember being asked several times; twice? Three times? I don’t think it was four times, but I did faint. Still, it was painful!
I had intended to trust Volker as my mother advised, open my heart and my crotch. Perhaps it was not enough, because my crotch hurts! And I am also very tired, and I feel like my skin has melted into mush. It doesn’t feel like my body. Oh I see, maybe because I have transformed into Volker’s wife.
I hope that is the case.
If I could make Volker feel good without having to endure, I would be happy.
As I was thinking, my pillow began to shake a bit.
Eh? I opened my eyes slightly to see Volker laughing close up.
Ehhhh?
‘Fufu, I saw you make a hundred faces before you woke up.’ He said.
I realised my pillow was Volker’s arm.
It’s an arm pillow! (Zuben: Oh Japan, fetishising everything since 1999)
Aya! It’s wonderful to wake up in your husband’s arms in the morning! And the height of the arm pillow is perfect! Ah no,
‘Good morning.’ I said shyly
‘Good morning,’ he replied as he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.
‘How do you feel?’ he asked. My aching shoulders and hips were stroked. It felt prickly and my waist shivered but it gently eased away. I’m relieved that it is done, but kind of ashamed.
‘I’m a little bit achy but I’m alright.’ I replied.
Volker rose out of bed and wore his dressing gown. My upper body is fine; the problem is the lower part and the unlikely places that suffered pain. I glanced at the drawer with the salve in it and resolved to apply the medicine in the bath or toilet later.
But when I looked again, Volker was holding the salve with the lip opened.
‘Eh! Wait just a moment, Volker, that…’ the cute pink jar looked ridiculous in Volker’s big hand.
‘It is my responsibility,’ he announced, ‘I will help you rub it in.’
I know Volker was worried about me, but I realised he was truly serious when he parted my legs.
‘No, it’s fine. I’ll do it later!’ I said as I tried to shuffle away on my butt but, Volker caught me,
‘Nothing is wrong, are you bleeding?’
I’m sorry, it’s because I ended up asking for it over and over. He had a 『shobabu』 [1] expression on his face. It was kinda cute. But I think that it is a size problem to be honest more than the number of times, but I can’t say that!
‘You’re not bleeding, so that’s okay.’
My eyes fell to the sheets, where there was a brilliant red spot on the white sheets. Oh, there was physical evidence.
I resigned myself to his ministrations, and set my heart free.
Volker’s kindness: I will thankfully receive it! U~u
[1] しょぼーん shobabu expression:
‘Did things go well?’
I was visiting with Prince Stefan, having tea in one of the courtyards of the castle. I gazed with love at the flowers and fluttering butterflies as I ate Sakuhoro’s cookies. Today, there were three royal guards. Not for me, they were for the Prince.
‘Hmm. Volker has not changed and is gentle as usual, and all the members of the household are doing well.’
It is truly a blessing, I thought, as I sipped my tea.
Volker applied for leave of seven days for me. The two days after the wedding were spent in bed, but Volker got restless after the fourth day; he could not help it.
Today was the fifth day and we were in the Castle so that Volker can work off his restlessness. I was happy to wait and stroll about but that thought was vetoed. I wasn’t allowed to roam around by myself although I was permitted to come along; he threw me into Prince Stefan’s office like a kitten saying, “I have talked to him thoroughly.” And then he told me, “Fredericka, the Castle is dangerous,” what do you mean by that?
There are lots of people here like, Prince Stefan, Volker himself, and many Royal Guard; suspicious people could not get in or out. What is dangerous?
‘Volker has become more overprotective than before. He threatens to make me stay with him all day.’
Certainly.
Volker grasped Prince Stefan’s shoulders tightly and said, ‘I’ll leave her to you, thank you,’ and left the office with an impassive face. Perhaps because it is the Prince; Volker isn’t close with other members of the royal family. I could not help but think whether I shouldn’t visit the Prince so much.
‘But I don’t get it; it’s safe within the castle. Is it because I look like a child?’
We can get closer in mind and body, but we can’t get closer in age…my heart hurts.
I hung my head and sighed. The Prince sighed too, and turned a little and cleared his throat and one of his Royal knights corrected his posture.
‘I quite understand. Volker is right.’ Prince Stefan muttered.
‘What do you mean?’ I replied indignant.
But he did not answer, even though he heard it. I had no choice but to eat a cookie.
These cookies will become an addiction. They were so tasty, my hand did not stop reaching for them. Rich buttery flavour, the exquisite mouthfeel as it melts horohoro in the mouth; like cherry blossoms! It makes me so happy.
‘You seem to like the cookies a lot.’ Prince Stefan said. He batted my hand away, taking the basket and muttering, ‘don’t eat my share.’
‘These are the most delicious cookies I have ever tasted! I wonder where the shop is? Or did a Royal patisserie make it? U ̄ n, I’m sure the recipe is a closely guarded secret, will they not let my buy it at least?’ I asked.
You can have a shop with just this! If you package it cutely and sell it, it would be a hit. On the first day the signboard goes up, there would be a line around the block.
No, how about a café? It could be for taking away and for eating in store.
If there was such a shop, I would go every day!
From the location of the store, to the price range, the menu…my thoughts were on the race. Stefan snapped his fingers,
‘Come back down.’ He said, ‘this is not from a shop nor is it by a royal chef.’ He had a cheeky grin on his face as he ate a cookie.
‘It was personally handmade for me.’
‘Eh?’
Personally hand made for the Prince? Why would anyone…? No way! I unexpectedly came up to a possibility that I did not want to imagine.
‘Who would make this personally for you?! You are engaged to the daughter of Duke Erschlen, Lady Pricilla; aren’t you? Is this cheating? How can you do that to such a beautiful, noble, innocent, impartial lady? Unbelievable! If your highness does not want her, I want her!’
To treat the one who all of us ladies admire so coldly.
Stefan says nasty things sometimes, but I always thought he was a steadfast passionate person.
While I worked myself up into a lather, Stefan drank his tea with a chuckle
‘Priscilla Erschlen made them for me.’ He said with a laugh.
The fist that was going to swing lost its momentum and fluttered down like a fly. Oh dear, a hasty conclusion. I sat back down. One of the Royal Guards was doubled over in laughter at my sudden change in attitude, or it could be that he was short and plump.
U-n, this Royal Knight is one of Volker’s men; I hope I haven’t besmirched Volker’s reputation. I have to be careful with my actions.
‘But Priscillsama in the kitchen…?’ I asked incredulous; moving along swiftly. It was unbecoming of a Duke’s daughter to enter the kitchen to cook or bake. Even a daughter of a Viscount like myself, had been welcomed with aloofness.
‘It seems she has fun sneaking about.’ Stefan replied. Crown Prince Stefan was a gentleman who went along with the change peaceably. So I made him tell me all about Lady Priscilla, and I casually asked if we could meet. I would like to tell her how much I loved her cookies.
44 Not Casually
Prince Stefan seemed a bit embarrassed at my praises of Lady Priscilla. He sipped his tea to change the tenor of the place. He was about to say something when movement caught his eye and he turned sideways,
‘Priscilla?’ His voice had a panicked tone.
‘Stefan-sama, are you having tea?’ a dignified feminine voice said from the entryway of the courtyard. She appeared; a beautiful lady with presence. Although, she was dressed in a low key manner that wasn’t gorgeous at first glance.
But she wasn’t just any Lady, she was a transcendent Lady!
A lady all the noble young ladies want to be like. If she was seen wearing something new, the item would be out of stock in no time. The glimmering pearl in the hand of Duke Erschlen; Priscilla Erschlen-sama!
She asked to meet the Crown Prince!
A~h, I hope I hid it well but, actually, Lady Priscilla is my most longed for person.
‘May I join you?’ she asked with a smile on her face. Prince Stefan rushed over to take her arm and escort her to the table. My mouth hung open at the divinity of Priscillsama’s smile when she touched the Crown Prince’s hand,
‘Are you alright?’ he asked. I wondered why he asked that, as I rose quickly when Lady Priscilla reached the table. She tilted her head.
‘Please have my seat.’ I said, hastily offering my chair, but one of the Royal Knights quickly brought a third chair so we were all seated. I gazed at Lady Priscilla; her purple eyes were really beautiful.
‘Pardon my intrusion, Stefan-sama, Fredericksama,’
‘No need. I don’t mind. Did you just arrive?’ Stefan asked her
‘…yes.’ She replied vaguely.
I felt like there was something off about her response; had she been here a while ago? If that was the case, then I hope her first impression of me is cute. She must have heard me asking the Prince to tell me all about her. But then again, it may also be bad.
Would I be an annoying bug now? Would it be best to make my excuses and take my leave quickly?
‘Um…Lady Priscilla?’ I called.
I suddenly felt sick! I’m sorry I will be gone soon!
Lady Priscilla turned to me, ‘Yes?’
She smiled. Her appearance is just a completely perfect beauty! A goddess! Yes, a goddess who came down from heaven!
‘I just um wanted to say, I’m sorry I ate the cookies you made for Prince Stefan. But I just wanted you to know they were the most delicious cookies I have ever tasted. It was like a professional made them…um’ I blurted out in a torrent then lost my train of words. My brain became numb and my eyes were stinging.
U~uu Volker, please lend me your strength!
‘Did you like them that much? I’m glad.’ Priscilla replied with another of her smiles.
I fell in love with Lady Priscilla who told me she was glad.
‘Lady Priscilla…um…if you don’t mind…’ I began.
Priscilla had her attention on me, but Prince Stefan had an expression on his face that indicated he knew I was about to say something embarrassing. I knew it was stupid but I continued anyway,
‘Um…’
‘Um?’
‘May I call you onee-sama?’ I blurted out. 『Buha』 I felt like someone spewed out, but I didn’t pay attention. I have been longing for Lady Priscilla; I have eyes for no one else!
I watched her lovely eyes widen in surprise. Studied the long lashes that bordered them. She used an elegant gesture to cover her mouth, but she was sitting very straight!
‘Ma~a, I get such a cute little sister? How lovely.’
There is a God!
I felt as tired as I was on the first night, drained of feeling. But I mustered myself and kept up appearances. Luckily, Volker came to pick me up shortly after, like a godly prophecy.
As I left, Lady Priscilla said, ‘See you soon,’ and smiled.
I’m so happy!
‘You have been getting along well for a while, haven’t you?’ Priscilla asked me. We had sent the Knights farther away.
She blinked at me, and I realised I had a habit of looking at the shadows formed by her long lashes.
‘Yes. She is a pitiful fellow who has no friend to consult with on things; like the first night.’ I replied.
Looking at her expression, she seems to have accepted that explanation.
‘Perhaps, you were planning on introducing Fredericka to me soon?’ she asked gazing directly at me. She doesn’t know how much it affects me when she looks at me that way.
‘I will not force you.’ I said.
I think that it was necessary to have someone I could talk to freely, that was separate from my family and companion. Although, it may be seen differently by the eyes of Society.
‘I have an older brother as you know, but not a younger sister…’ she began.
‘…it felt nice to be called ‘sister,’ she said with a chuckle. It seems she has accepted Fredericka.
At this moment, with my whole heart, it thought it was good that my fiancée was Priscilla.
45 Priscilla: Swan’s anguish
Unforgivable!
The woman who is getting along with my fiancé – I wonder how to punish her.
I watched them from behind the pillar.
“When you have time, come and play.”
As usual, I had been invited to tea with Stefan, “I will join you for afternoon tea” I replied. I rushed to our family’s third kitchen.
Stefan likes sweet things, so I worked hard to learn how to back sweets for him to give us a bridge to get along. So everytime my skill goes up, we get closer to each other.
For that reason, father and mother who had been opposed to me cooking, allowed me to use the third kitchen to bake. It goes without saying, I have become more ambitious in the sweets that I make. I do not announce that I do this; it is fun to bake sweets for Stefan-sama in secret.
Making sweets is fun and delicious.
I use the best ingredients gathered with the prestige of the Duke, and add my love; so it’s can’t be tasty.
There were mistakes at the start; I made Stefan eat chocolate truffles that were too hard, and a too hard cake. But they were fun memories now.
“…It looks nice,” he had said, “practice more so it can taste better.”
He had covered his mouth with a napkin and was frowning. I have regretted again and again making Stefan eat such things.
I improved my appreciation of tasting and my baking improved. So that, even when Stefan did not get to taste them, I am still delighted with the sweets that I make.
I wallowed in happiness every tea time we met…until that girl began to get in the way.
One day we were having tea together, dear Stefan said, “I cannot call for tea tomorrow.”
We don’t have to meet each day, but I was curious about the reason so I asked Stefan.
“Is there something important happening?”
He gave a slight smile and said “A friend is coming.”
I was very happy in my heart; he has made a friend who he could talk to freely.
Because of his status as the Crown Prince, there was a distance that could not be bridged. Even myself as his fiancée, despite my daring endeavour to be close with the power of sweets - I still came up short. I was glad I asked Stefan.
“Who is this person.”
“Castley.” He replied easily.
I wasn’t shocked about it at the time
Castley. Castley. I recalled the aristocratic directory in my head, there was only one family Castley and it was the nouveau riche Viscount Castley.
They had only one daughter as far as I knew. No sons. And the only other male in the family was the Viscount. In addition, Miss Castley was rumoured to be engaged to the Eugene Cajés and was jilted but, shortly after, was engaged to the Royal Knight General Brennan.
The reason that Eugene gave for jilting Miss Castley was that she had bad manners and was a spend thrift and unpleasant to be around. He handed his judgement at a ball.
Althought, I hadn’t been there; I had heard about it from others. I had felt like it was bad form to have jilted Miss Castley in such a public place as a ball. If it had been me, I would not have been able to recover and withdrawn from Society.
However, it seems that was the price to pay for besmirching the prestige of a Duke.
Anyway, they were in opposition to the Cajés family.
I hope our family isn’t like the Duke Cajés.
“I have heard rumours of the Castleys.” I said as I sipped my tea. I was careful not to put derision in my tone, but there was a slight tremor in my hands.
“I also fell for those rumours. I summoned her to tell her to stay away from Brennan, but it turns out she was misunderstood. Brennan was very angry with me.” Stefan answered. He also added that when he had asked her to name her reparation, she had asked to be friends since she didn’t have any herself.
Stefan picked up the small tart and ate it deliciously.
I am happy but I couldn’t rejoice.
My chest felt like there was a stone lodged there.
"Aright, see you soon.” I replied.
“That’s is only natural.” He said with clear eyes, but I could not sleep that night.
After their last tea together, Stefan came to visit. I wanted to bake something as usual, but I was still very upset. The pudding I usually made smoothly turned out awful. I had no choice but to take a cake made by our family patisserie.
When Stefan ate the cake, his eyes widened in surprise for a moment,
“Is something wrong?’ he asked me.
“No nothing.’ I replied.
The tea visit turned awkward. He only stayed for a half an hour before he left.
My mind wasn’t sunny for a long time.
I eventually heard that the Royal Knight General had married Miss Castley, I smiled with relief. I was amazed at myself for being so concerned about the Miss Castley. Well, now that she was the General’s wife, she won’t come close to Stefan anymore. My heart should also be cheap.
But one day a few days later, Stefan asked, “May I let my friend sample your sweets?’
I clenched my fists. My emotions went rampant, swirling within me looking for an exit. No, for him to want to do such a thing, Stefan must hate me! My fists were clenched so tightly that my nails bit into my palms, but I managed to ask,
“What would you like me to make?’
‘Hmm, I guess cookies would be nice.’
My favourite cookies that Stefan complimented as delicious, he wants to share with this ‘friend’.
‘Alright, when would you like me to make it?’
I must remain a Lady at anytime no matter the situation.
‘I’ll ask her schedule, and send you a message later.’
‘Certainly…’
It was difficult for me to sit there any longer, so I left.
The message came suddenly, in the evening. It arrived with a bouquet. He wrote: I know it is short notice but she is coming over for tea tomorrow afternoon.
I did not mind, I had the ingredients all ready. But I suddenly felt so stupid.
I wasn’t going to sleep well.
The next morning in the hours before Stefan and his “friend’s” tea dare, I woke up early and bake the cookies.
Trying to avoid being swallowed by jealousy or anger, I kept my mind as serene as possible and filled my mind with happy thoughts of Stefan.
I didn’t sleep last night, but I was dedicated to behaving like a lady with all the skills I could muster.
I was Stefan-sama’s fiancée, I had nothing to be ashamed of.
The cookies came out delicious looking. I packed them in a basket and added a few seasonal flowers for decoration. I don’t want to convey my ugly feelings to Stefan.
I delivered them to the Palace myself. Took them directly to Stefan’s office,
‘Priscilla, I have troubled you.’ He said standing up from his desk. I made a curtsey. He led me to a sofa to sit. The fingers held over my laps were cold. I was nervous.
‘It’s alright; I did not have any pressing engagements.’ I responded with a small smile. But Stefan frowned.
‘You look a bit wan, are you feeling alright?’ he asked. He was sitting next to me and looking at my face. He was still kind to me. The white walls of his office hurt my eyes, I definitely needed to sleep.
‘I’m just worried that your “friend” will not like the cookies.’
I had made a strange emphasis of the word – I should not have. Anyway, it was unsuitable for Fredericksama who was now the wife of General Brennan to be friends with Stefan.
‘What are you saying, the cookies are my favourite. There is no reason why she would not like them.’ He said as he picked up the basket and took a cookie and ate it.
‘Delicious as usual.’ He said.
I smiled and told him I was going home.
On my way back to the main hall, I passed by three knights. I stepped sideways for them to pass, and the men bowed to me. As they walked away I heard one of them say,
‘Did you see the General’s new wife?’
A frisson of awareness ran through me, I did not walk forward.
‘I did, she is young, lovely and very sexy.’
‘Don’t be such a weirdo!’
‘But she is!’
‘Rumours can’t be relied on, though. She is completely different from what I had heard.’
‘Yes, a lot of the rumours seems to conflict with reality.’
Young.
Lovely.
Sexy…
A woman like that would be having tea with Stefan soon.
I couldn’t stay still if I tried. I rushed to the courtyard I knew he would be.
There was a perfect pillar wide enough to hide a person. I stood behind it with a sigh. No matter what is bothering me, a lady did not act this way. This is unbecoming of Stefan’s fiancée. It is as though I did not trust Stefan.
But I could not leave this place. And I could hear them talking.
‘How did it go? Was there success?’ I heard Stefan asked. A pretty voice like a bell answered Stefan; so different from my lower tones.
The lives of the newlyweds was going well. I could hear the smile in her voice. It was opposite of my current state of mind.
I was beyond irritated. Because of her, I haven’t been able to have fun with Stefan. Now she’s eating the cookies I made for Stefan, happily with Stefan…My heart was filled with anger.
Unforgiveable!
Unforgiveable!
That woman who is getting along with my Stefan – how do I punish her?
But the conversation went in an unexpected direction.
She was complimenting the cookies as the most delicious she had ever tasted. If she could, she would like to buy it regularly. Was her compliment really genuine? Did she want Stefan to like her?
Yet, despite my worries and fears, I would sense that the atmosphere between Stefan and that woman was not sweet in that sense. It was more like a good cordial sibling relationship. I wonder…
Just then, the woman exclaimed loudly,
“Who would make this personally for you?! You are engaged to the daughter of Duke Erschlen, Lady Pricilla; aren’t you? Is this cheating? How can you do that to such a beautiful, noble, innocent, impartial lady? Unbelievable! If your highness does not want her, I want her!”
What? What has happened? I saw that she had risen from her seat and shouting at Stefan. In addition, she said such embarrassing things in my defence.
It looked like she thought that Stefan was seeing someone else other than me. And the person made the cookies. She has misunderstood. Stefan corrected her right away, and she unfurled her fist and sat back down with a thump. From my hiding place, I saw her profile stained red with an embarrassed blush and her shoulders trembled.
I am suddenly aware; she was different from what I had imagined.
No matter how much Stefan saw her as his friend; it wasn’t normal to give an opinion so openly to the Crown Prince in such a loud voice. And it wasn’t about herself but about someone she’s never even formally met.
Indeed, rumours can’t be relied on.
“Rumours can’t be relied on, though. She is completely different from what I had heard.”
The words of the Knights surfaced in my mind.
Indeed, the money is bad, but she did not seem like a bad person. (Zuben: If the money is bad, how do you pay for your "high quality baking goods"?)
Then, Fredericksama asked Stefan to tell her about me. She spent a lot of time gasping in admiration, “Wow, it is indeed!” and “How nice” in her sweet voice.
From behind the pillar, I was able to hear the Stefan’s feelings for me from a different point of view, and my heart healed.
I leaned back against the pillar and sighed.
I am also guilty of judging a person because on an irresponsible rumour. Stefan had told me that he came to realise she was different after he accused her of villainy. I felt ashamed that my mind had been clouded by jealousy.
I thought that I should apologise to Fredericksama. Just then Fredericksama was asking if she could meet me. Stefan replied,
‘If she is agreeable.’
Although, he treated my decision with regard, I have decided to be kind.
I shall not forget: I am Priscilla Ershlen.
Stefan’s fiancée and future Crown Princess.
I have lived this way thus far and will continue to do so in the future.
Chest up. Back straight.
I stepped out from behind the pillar.
‘Priscilla..?’ Stefan called out in a rare state of panic. I looked over the courtyard gently.
‘Stefan, you were having your tea here? May I join you?’
As I came closer, Fredericka whose mouth was agape rose from her seat,
‘Please have my seat.’ She said.
The panicked Knight quickly brought another chair so we were all able to sit down.
I looked at Fredericka; she had sparkling green eyes and rosy cheeks. She smiled broadly.
Wow! I wanted to exclaim.
She was like a small cute animal; very cute and interesting.
‘Pardon my intrusion, Stefan-sama, Fredericksama.’
‘I don’t mind. Did you just get here?’
‘Er…yes.’ I told a little lie. Stefan was probably embarrassed, wondering if I had heard his previous remarks. But, I have firmly put them in the treasure chest in my heart.
‘Oh, um, Lady Priscilla…’
‘Yes?’ I turned to face the shy Fredericksama.
She praised my cookies enthusiastically with a lovely smile.
‘Did you like them that much? I’m glad.’ I replied as I thought of her pretty appearance. Somehow, I feel like I’m looking at a friendly kitten-puppy. I want to care for her, put her on my knees and stroke her head.
I wonder what kind of crazy desire that is.
Did the Royal General feel this way as well?
Even though we had never met, I feel that to only get to know her today was rather regrettable.
I apologise to her in my heart and resolved to be friends with her, but Fredericka’s subsequent remark took it a bit further…