"A while back, I accompanied her back to her hometown, ever since then, it became harder for me to accept you."
Yang Sisi widened her mouth. "You… Previously, when you weren't in Beijing, it's because you went to her hometown?"
"Yes."
"So that night when you canceled dinner all of a sudden, it was because of her?"
"Mmh." Xu Jiamu knew that his honesty was hurtful, but he wasn't willing to deceive her. From the moment he had asked for her number, he had already hurt her. The only thing he could do now was to be truthful, it was the only form of respect he could offer.
"When you called me and agreed to meet in Beijng, it was to break up with me?"
"Yes." Xu Jiamu nodded lightly.
Yang Sisi couldn't suppress her tears. "Didn't you end things with her? Weren't you prepared for a new life? What changed your mind? Did things work out between the two of you?"
"No." Xu Jiamu shook his head, the scene of Father Song at his deathbed flashing past his mind. His gaze turned glazed. "It was because I realized that after so many years, the first one who inflicted harm wasn't her but me."
Yang Sisi blinked her tear-stained eyes, looking up at him wordlessly, waiting for him to continue.
"She was with me for eight years, from when she was nineteen to twenty-seven. It was the most beautiful period of her life, and during those eight years I didn't know when she fell ill, I didn't know when she quit school, when she was injured, when she was bullied, when she spent her New Year's alone, when she called from loneliness....
"Eight years, three thousand nights and I didn't know anything about her.
"The most hurtful thing wasn't my harsh words or the child that was aborted, but the negligence.
"And I had neglected her for eight years.
"She gave me eight years worth of time and opportunities, waiting for the day I would cherish her, but never once was she rewarded.
"During those eight years, I didn't give her any care, warmth, or the slightest bit of happiness...
"Can you imagine something? I helped you carry your bag, grabbed onto your shoulder to protect you from traffic, shielded you in my embrace when it was crowded, gave you a hot cup of ginger tea when you were on your period, endured the scorching heat to get you the drink you wanted, bought you whatever you desired... But imagine, I've never done any of these in the eight years I was together with her.
"Everything I'm now is all because of her.
"If it wasn't for her, I would never be the sensitive Xu Jiamu I'm now.
"She used eight precious years to change me..." Xu Jiamu's eyes turned red. "How can I use the things she taught me on another women?
"So..." Xu Jiamu's voice weakened. "I'm really sorry, I really can't continue this..."
Because... She made me better, so I can only use everything I learned for her.
Yang Sisi stared at him for a long while in silence.