"It's just hiding alone to be sad,
"It's just not having anyone to talk to when you're hurting,
"It's just that this time I've been hurt too badly,
"I'm not afraid to love but I'm afraid to love so deeply."
The memories of her and Lu Jinnian came to mind one frame at a time like in a slow motion video whilst Qiao Anhao sang. At that very instant, she wasn't singing for the competition but simply for their romantic journey together.
She remembered the good times when she secretly had a crush on him, and how difficult it was because she didn't dare to tell him. Happiness is to be able to turn around and smile. Every time they thought they were getting closer, they ended up farther away. They were clearly too timid to dare love, yet it was so deep-rooted in their bones.
"It's just spending the dark nights alone,
"It's just a kitchen without you and I,
"It's just not having a song to play before sleep,
"I can still live on my own..."
They were now married and she wasn't in pain like before, so she felt like she was quite fortunate whilst she sang this song again.
She was fortunate to receive blessings from heaven... to be able to find him, and hold hands with him again.
It was this kind of fortune that gave the song a very special feeling when she sang. It started to sound really emotional and it gave people a feeling of underlying hope.
It was like sadness, but it wasn't really sad.
The moment Qiao Anhao's singing came to an end, the entire audience fell silent. Half a minute passed. She didn't know who started to clap, but like a coming tide, the applause from below the stage came rushing in. The judges snapped to their senses and also started to clap along. After waiting for the applause to stop, Qiao Anhao received compliments from all five judges and all five votes to go through to the next stage
Lately, Han Ruchu's mental condition wasn't that great. Since Qiao Anhao released the recording of her and Lu Jinnian at the charity gala, it shrouded the Xu family in ashes. Xu Wanli had been ignoring her recently, and he'd often didn't come home to sleep. Sometimes he would come home late. At times, he wouldn't sleep in the master bedroom but head straight for the guest bedroom to go sleep.
The year Xu Jiamu turned three, Han Ruchu learned that her husband had another child with someone else. It was at that very moment when she poured her entire life into Xu Jiamu. In those years, she and Xu Wanli appeared courteous with one another, but that was just a show for outsiders. In reality, when they closed the bedroom door, the two of them didn't talk much. So much so, it had been almost ten years since she and Xu Wanli had lived a regular life as a married couple.
So when Xu Wanli treated her coldly, she didn't really feel much. She only cared about her son, Xu Jiamu.
Since that night when he drove off from the entrance of Beijing Club, it had been over a week. He never returned her texts and when she went to the company to see him, his assistant would just give her excuses.
At six o'clock tonight, Han Ruchu tried to call Xu Jiamu several times again. As usual, no one picked up. The housekeeper got the dinner ready, but she wasn't the slightest bit hungry. She got angry and went upstairs.
She shut herself in her room and blanked out for four hours. When she went downstairs to get some water, the two servants in the house were watching TV.
It looked like they were watching some kind of variety show, so she didn't pay much attention to it. After she waited for a servant to pour her a cup of water, she heard Qiao Anhao's name from the TV as she was just about to take her cup upstairs with her.