Summary: Hunting for bounties, Hidan and Kakuzu find themselves in the Valley of Lies. But what is the secret behind this valley…?
People decorate life with beautiful words, as though it were something grand. But to live is to steal. To live is to pile up your sins.
What good are the virtues of life? They don’t feed you. It’s the natural way of life for pillagers and predators to live above the law.
So, save your holier-than-thou sermon. These are killers.
“ …hey, come on, give me a break already.”
The wind from the valley floor rose and flowed through the forests, raising a cool, refreshing breeze. Surrounded by mountains in all directions, and far away from villages… This was the perfect place to relax.
But to a follower of the Jashin faith, to one who sought out slaughter to make sacrifices to Lord Jashin, Hidan was bored to tears by this place. When he remembered that the reason they were here was to make money, Akatsuki’s rules be damned, he wanted to kill his partner.
Then again, even if he were to kill his partner, the dude just wouldn’t die. The same went for himself. It’d just be a meaningless fight.
“Seriously, I’ve got commandments to stick to. Let’s get the hell out of this boring ass forest so I can kill something,” Hidan, who’d grudgingly placed himself in the organization known as “Akatsuki”, complained to the man walking in front of him, and the man he’d partnered up with in Akatsuki: Kakuzu.
“The man at the exchange point said there’s a 1.5 billion ryo bounty in these forests. He doesn’t lie, not when it comes to money.”
Of course, Kakuzu would have liked to believe that his information was credible. But, to Hidan, it didn’t matter either way.
After all, to a religious follower shaped by his faith, attachment to money was a huge taboo. On the other hand, Kakuzu frequently commented that money was the only thing anyone could believe in. One could say he and Hidan were the perfect example of complete opposites.
A tree stump caught Hidan’s eye, and he sat down on it with a bored look on his face. It must’ve been a big tree, for the tree stump was large enough for two people to lie down on.
“I’m done with walking around in circles. I still gotta pray for repentance for not doing a ritual today. If you’re gonna look for the bounty, you’re doing it solo, Kakuzu, because I ain’t taking another step.”
Hidan took out his necklace with the symbol of the Jashin faith.
“You and your prayers…” Kakuzu muttered with distaste while eyeing the tree stump Hidan was sitting on.
Something was out of place.
“…it’s so simple, we missed it.”
“Hm? Whassat?”
“There’s someone in the area. You can tell from just looking.”
“’the fuck?”
They were surrounded by steep mountains and forests spreading out as far as the eye could see. There were probably no humans in these lands anymore, just wild animals. Hidan’d already whined countless times to Kakuzu that there was no way there were people here.
But then Kakuzu jutted his chin towards the tree stump Hidan was sitting on, and said, “That tree stump wasn’t naturally formed by lightning or by being struck. A person cut it.”
Hidan turned to look at the tree stump he was sitting upon. Its surface was completely flat and smooth.
“Well, yeah, I guess so…” Hidan would concede that, but that alone wasn’t enough to entirely convince him that someone was here. “Someone probably cut it a super long time ago. Like, maybe they wanted to build a chair or something, yanno?”
“Perhaps, but this cutting work looks new.”
“Huh? Well, sure, I guess… But, come on!”
In any case, Hidan simply wanted rid of this forest, as quickly as possible.
“We’ve come this far and the fucker’s still no where to be found! Unless he comes to us instead, we’re never gonna find him!”
Just give it up, Hidan. Kakuzu plans to continue his search.
Suddenly, an unfamiliar man’s voice rang out: “W-Who the hell are you guys?!”
The two of them tensed and, when they looked towards the voice, they saw a middle-aged man.
Kakuzu never let his feelings shows, but the moment he saw the man’s face, Hidan could tell Kakuzu was immediately in a better mood. “It seems he has indeed come to us.”
“Wait, seriously, that’s the fucker?!”
Now Kakuzu wasn’t the only one with lifted spirits.
“Fuck yeeeeeah! Lord Jashin! I’ll finally be able to conduct a ritual!”
It was the first time they’d run into a person in days. Hidan’d been holding his necklace in his fist to confess his sins, but changing his prayer to one for conducting rituals instead, he swiftly rose from the tree stump.
“Didn’t you say you weren’t going to take another step today.”
“Fuck that, I can conduct a ritual! If I don’t do this properly, Lord Jashin will remove his blessings from me. And if that ever happens, if my bond with Lord Jashin ever fades, I don’t know what I’d do…”
“…I don’t get all these religious values, but I do understand that because you’ve been jabbering on and on, our 1.5 billion ryo bounty is getting away.”
It was as Kakuzu said; all they saw was the other man’s back facing them as he ran away as fast he could.
“We finally find him, and he runs. I’m going to kill him.”
“Fuck you; I already said I’m going to kill him! Don’t you dare move from that spot!” Hidan yelled, pointing at the tree stump.
Kakuzu crossed his arms, looking weary. “…Hidan. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ll die.”
“Like you need to remind me!” Hidan, grinning, kicked himself off of the ground.
In a single moment, he’d closed the distance between himself and the bounty, and he swung down his three-bladed scythe. “Take that!”
The blades grazed the man, and blood splattered. However, it wasn’t a fatal wound.
The man, now realising he had no chance of getting away, turned around, ready to form hand seals. “Damn it! Guess I’ll have to engage…”
But then the man paused, when he saw Hidan laughing away madly.
Hidan retrieved another weapon from within his robe. It looked like a normal rod, but after flinging it up and down, its tip extended and it became a sharp spear.
“Lord Jashin! Let me prove my faith!”
Hidan then plunged his newly-extended spear tip into his own palm. Watching this sudden unexpected display, the bounty’s eyes went wide like saucers.
“Ugh…” Hidan removed the weapon from his palm, and his blood spilled out over the ground. He drew the symbol of the Jashin faith with it.
Hidan stood in the center of this symbol and brought his blood-stained scythe to himself and licked the bounty’s blood off of it. In doing so, patterns resembling a skeleton rose to the surface of his body. “Everything’s in place…. Hahahahaha! Lord Jashin must be fucking pleased right now!”
Hidan was at his peak. He couldn’t stand it. In a few moments, the grandest pain of all time would be inflicted upon this body of his.
“Let’s begin!!”
And then, Hidan pierced himself through the heart.
The man, bewildered by Hidan’s actions, couldn’t comprehend what was happening, but felt an incredible surge of pain run through him, and he spat blood out from his mouth.
“…this feels… so… damn… good…!”
It was the first taste of death Hidan had had in a while. The euphoria ruled over his entire body. And, the bounty, unable to do anything, fell to his death.
The only thing left in the area was Hidan’s haggard breathing.
But then, a new unfamiliar voice rang out, “That’s… That’s amazing…”
Hidan had been enjoying the pain of death at its finest, hellbent on eating up every single last bit of it, when he was pulled back to reality. “Who the fuck is that?! Don’t interrupt, dammit!”
Alertness and irritation clear in his eyes, Hidan sought out the source of the voice. As soon as he had found it, he felt the physical effects of his ritual begin to take place, and he grew weak.
He’d been the first one to claim that there was no way there was anyone in these woods, but there was a young teenage boy looking over at him from within the shadows of the trees. And, he looked happy.
He must’ve been playing with the dirt or something, for he was clutching mud balls.
“Who the fuck are you?” Hidan tilted his head to one side without really thinking about it.
“…what’s the matter, Hidan. Aren’t you done with your ritual yet.”
Kakuzu, who’d been waiting at the tree stump, noticed that Hidan was moving strangely, and he approached.
“I haven’t even started yet, dammit! But, hey, there’s a brat over there.”
Hidan pointed at the boy peering out from the shadows of the trees, but Kakuzu kept looking Hidan.
“Hidan, even if it is a child, don’t let your guard down… You’ll die.”
“If he could kill me, I’d let him. D’you really think a kid like him could take me out, anyway?!” Hidan grabbed his scythe once more. “In any case, shall we just kill him?”
It was clear that Hidan was eager to clean this place up as soon as possible, but the kid did not attempt to run. In fact, he simply looked flushed with happiness.
“…wait, Hidan. This is an interesting brat.”
Curious, Kakuzu stopped Hidan from raising his scythe.
“Well, yeah, I guess so…”
Upon seeing the scythe lowered, the boy raised his hand, leaned forward and called out, “Hey! What was that move you used? Doesn’t it hurt?”
“What? Of course it friggin’ hurts. It ain’t just as painful as death; it’s death itself.”
“Death itself… To kill your opponent, you must taste death yourself… You carve your opponent’s death upon your own body… That’s so cool!”
Looking at the gleeful boy, Hidan then turned to Kakuzu and said, “That kid’s fucked up.”
“I think you’re fucked up too.”
“’the fuck you just say?!” Hidan raised his voice without thinking, and the boy began to ask more questions.
“Isn’t the pain of death unbearable? Aren’t you scared?”
“Huh? I’m a follower of the Jashin faith, kid. Lord Jashin watches over me and protects me. Once you get that, there ain’t nothing to fear no more, seriously.”
“Jashin faith… Lord Jashin…” The boy repeated these words to himself over and over again. Then, as though he’d found an answer, he jerked his head up. “Hey! I wanna join the Jashin faith too! How do I do that?”
At these unexpected words, Kakuzu muttered, “What an idiot.”
“Hey, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?! The Jashin faith is the best, and it’s the one and only true religion in the world! Of course people would want to join it!”
Just mere seconds ago, Hidan had called the kid fucked up, but he took personal insult at Kakuzu’s comment and he just had to object.
“Yeah! That’s right! Of course people want to join it!” The kid joined in on the shouting, agreeing with Hidan.
“The only thing you can believe in is money,” Kakuzu repeated his mantra. Then, he asked the boy, “You, what’s your name?”
It was rare for Kakuzu to ask people for their names.
“I’m called Hohozuki!”
Hohozuki. Hidan looked at the boy again. This boy was charming in every way. However, this was Hidan, who was unperturbed even in the faces of the people he killed for his rituals. But, the boy did say he wanted to join the Jashin faith, and that sent Hidan reeling.
An increase in the number of Jashin followers was a joyous event. If this kid was for real, he would have to be taught everything in detail, from the wonderful teachings of the religion’s origins to the its strict commandments.
But for now…
“I’ve gotta finish my prayers for this kill. We’ll talk after.”
Hidan then lied down upon the mark of the Jashin faith, which he’d previously drawn with his own blood.
“A Jashin ritual… I’ll observe from right here!”
Hohozuki left some distance between himself and Hidan, and then sat down, sitting up straight. The proper posture for observation.
“Make it quick. Your prayers are excessively long.”
“There’s no concept of long or short when it comes to prayers! It’s just bad karma, seriously.”
End of Chapter 1