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Published at 13th of December 2020 02:20:48 PM


Chapter 105

Chapter 105: Temporary Deferment

“…God has chosen us to do good deeds toward powerless people . ”

Matia no longer remembered whether it was her parents or the heraldic priest who spoke those words . However, Matia felt that someone had told her these words many times when she was young . But, most of the things related to her childhood were buried at the root of her memory .

The Heraldic religion worshipped knowledge and wisdom . The truth of this world was the ongoing quest, and the coat of arms of the Heraldic Order pointed to this characterization . In order words, the essence of the doctrine taught by the Heraldic Order .

The more one kept that doctrine in mind, the farther away the Heraldic religion was from good or bad intentions . Those belonging to this religion had to forsake their judgmental ideas about whether knowledge was good or bad, or if reason was good or bad . Those of the Heraldic Order had to seek all knowledge and wisdom, regardless of their nature .

However, that did not mean that accumulation was the only thing that mattered . Knowledge was not regarded as something superficial . Such, as it was no different from stacking gold coins without the need for riches .

Matia narrowed her eyes and distorted her lips .

“Accumulation of knowledge, but for the good of the people . Yes, I have been taught that before . ” Matia thought .

Accumulation of knowledge in order for people to be better and in order for people to be healthier . That was the origin of the Heraldic religion .

Therefore, Matia believed that it was good to help people and take their hands . To open their hearts and souls . To do good no matter what type of resources or statuses these people had in their lives .

Of course, she also understood there were times when that was not possible . Matia was not someone naive . However, it felt painful to use people indiscriminately . Sometimes it caused her great pains . There were times when the depths of her heart sank in sorrow .

Sometimes, Matia confessed to God the times she trampled on the people’s good will .

Matia believed that these feelings were common to all human beings .

The slaughterers, the thieves, the heretics, the outlaws . Even though these people had no better lives due to unavoidable circumstances, they still trampled on the innocent . Matia questioned whether these people had good intentions or not . Was their root wicked? That’s why Matia felt the need to trample on them too . She felt sorry for the innocent, but not sorry for these unlawful people .

That’s the reason why Matia couldn’t understand the need to help everyone in need, even those whom she trampled on, such as helping Lugis .

She knew that the human being named Lugis was someone whose thoughts were twisted by distortion . The words Lugis mentioned earlier may be his own twist .

Still, those words got stuck somewhere deep in Matia’s heart .

「…Saint Matia . Is something wrong? 」

Matia involuntarily raised her eyelids upon hearing the caring voice of her aide, Largud Ann . A parchment stood in front of Matia . She was apparently writing on it . There was a large amount of ink stains left there . Apparently, she lost consciousness for a while . She stopped writing right at the beginning of the parchment .

Suddenly, Matia spoke, after leaking a sigh in the back of her throat .

「I’m sorry, Ann . It seems that my mind got empty . Can you give me plain hot water?」

Ann went through the door of the office room, showing a worried expression on her face . She was worried about Matia’s health, and Matia knew this too . Therefore, she asked Ann to bring a glass of water to appease her worries .

Matia sighed while holding her finger between her eyebrows . After a while, she breathed deeply again .

The watchtower located inside the Great Walls of Garoua Maria . This watchtower was the main residence of those who now lead the Heraldic Order, the Saint Matia . This place was the easiest location to respond to an emergency . Even if the enemy tried to invade the city, being in this place made it easier to command the soldiers . With that in mind, Matia designated this place strategically as her office .

However, Matia touched her shoulder with her own hand . She felt confused . Perhaps, she even felt that it might have been a mistake .


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The interior of this watchtower, which was basically built by stacking stones, got very cold . If someone was not careful, their fingertips would freeze in a blink of an eye . Matia felt cold as iron sometimes .

Especially if she worked late at night, that alone could freeze her entirely .

However, Matia couldn’t take a rest . After all, she was the only person who could be the central figure . Ann or even other personal retainers worked well enough, but they were not the leaders . Therefore, only Matia could do the specific job of a leader .

The city still didn’t have the ability to replenish supplies, nor did it establish a network of contacts with the allied Ghazalia . Other matters had great importance as well, such as responding to emergencies, handle the sick, and deal with merchants . Therefore, all of these matters were sent to the watchtower of the city, under the leadership of Saint Matia .

“My head is hot . ” Matia wondered why she felt this way .

Matia knew from her excellence that she could handle everything, including small affairs . Matia even endured the betrayal at the Elf Kingdom, and took part in the rebellion that succeeded in overthrowing the old government .

If she couldn’t handle everything with her cold mind, then everything would have been lost . All she had to do was do her best to keep everything in order . Of course, she had feelings . Sometimes paperwork was too much for her . If she wanted, she could give some of this work to her retainers . However, as the Saint and as someone proud, she could not afford to do that . Matia had to endure the dissatisfaction sometimes, and she had to surpass obstacles sometimes . She knew that perfectly well . Therefore, she had to continue to abuse her body and soul for the sake of her religion . For the sake of being the Saint . Negligence was not allowed .

For this reason, every minute was precious to Matia . She could not miss any hour, minute or second on trivial things . How many issues did she have to fix? Many of them .

Matia forgot the heat in her brain . Overwork was something that became part of her . However, even hotter than that, was the burning in her chest .

“Why do I have to worry about that man? This is not the time for foolish feelings . How idiotic am I . ” Matia thought deeply in her heart .

Her emotions were shaken, and she felt deeply humiliated about this fact . But the more she tried to forget everything and keep her emotions inside her chest, the more frustrated she became .

A Saint must not have the emotions shaken . By anything . This resolution was what Matia believed in order to become the Saint .


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Her emotions could burst out and change her facial expressions, but she tried everything she could to wrap them all in a cloth . Matia knew that she had to proceed within reason and calculation . She had to bear this mask and endure . This was what a Saint should be as a leader .

Yet, these unwanted emotions were stronger than she thought they would be . Matia instinctively bit her lips and squeezed the pen with a strong grip . “So, am I now off the road as a Saint?”

“No, that’s wrong . I am not the one who’s the bad here . That man named Lugis is the evil one . ”

“First, I went to see him as one of my allies even though I am extremely busy . But, what was that attitude? What is wrong with him?”

“As always, he jokes around and has that frivolous attitude . It’s hard to see what he has in mind . But, that attitude was disrespectable . He is far from being a gentleman . ”

“Yes, that’s right . Most probably because of that attitude . I cannot control my emotions because of his spitting poison . That’s why my cheeks got red . But then, for some reason, I accepted his words obediently . Why?”

Matia felt as if a large number of emotions fought inside her own mouth . Confusion, irritation, hatred . Every single emotion swirled inside of her wide opened mouth .

Matia’s blood circulation increased and the palpitations of her heart accelerated . Her insides were full of fire and haste, and yet, she was not even moving her body .

“…I’m so busy that I can’t even see him properly . And when I finally saw him, those were the words he spoke to me? Where are the words of kindness?”

Yes, the moment these thoughts came into her head, Matia’s big eyes quivered .

“What was I thinking about now? Why am I letting anger and disappointment sparkle the insides of my chest?”

“No, that’s wrong . It can’t be . I am just resentful because I didn’t receive a normal greeting from that man . He is no longer a guest or a captive . He is now a formal ally . Therefore, he needs to behave with respect and honor . That’s why I felt indignation in my heart . Yes, that’s it . ”


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“Otherwise . Yes, if that wasn’t the case, then it would seem to others that I was expecting that man’s recognition . As if I wanted to be praised by that man . ”

Matia didn’t know what was happening with her . She gently touched her cheeks . Up until now, her brain seemed to boil with too much work and responsibility, but this time, her cheeks were the ones being hot . She felt that she was not feeling well .

At that time, a light noise echoed in Matia’s ears . Ann appeared with a glass of water . Matia coughed to clear her throat, straightened her face and smiled at Ann .

「Thank you, Ann . You should go and sleep . I will rest after I finish this paperwork . 」

Ann nodded upon hearing Matia’s words, but then, she anxiously distorted her lips .

「…I understand, Lady Saint . But, you see… 」

Matia rounded her eyes in a quiet manner . Ann was a clever girl . She knew that this was not the moment for more words .

After a short moment, Ann opened her mouth again, as she glanced at her surroundings timidly .

「No, it’s nothing…Tomorrow, we will have a meeting with the messengers from Ghazalia, so please go rest early today . 」

With that said, Ann quickly left the office room with an uneasy feeling . However, she could not talk about it, and tried to cover it up .

Matia mysteriously touched her lips as if her mind were about to wander again . However, she held the pen once more to clear up the impeding work .

Occasionally, the movement of the pen would stop . Matia couldn’t figure out whether the pen stopped moving because of fatigue or because of the emotional fluctuations that made her chest burn .

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