Chapter 78
Chapter 78: Scarecrow
「…No . You are actually wrong about me . I’m not going to put my life in the hands of a delusional princess raised in a comfortable greenhouse . Moreover, I’m going to tell you this, so listen well . I have no intention of dying . 」
As soon as I uttered those words, I closed my mouth immediately . I felt that my expression quivered a little .
Ah, I said it . I definitely spilled out those words . Nope, I mustn’t feel this way . I didn’t care about the consequences anymore . I just had to say what I felt . Nothing else . I didn’t want to be stuck to other people . I’d rather have her following me, than me following her .
If I succumbed to her words, I wouldn’t change anything about my personal resolutions . However, her eyes intensified . I wanted to avoid her strong gaze, so I held my head down . I felt that her blue eyes were chasing me . My soul was still trapped after all . But, as I said, I had no intention of trying to escape from here without a proper plan . I didn’t want my life to end because of irrational strategies .
Nonetheless, my lips, which should’ve been firm after I spoke, got distorted . The end of my eyes began to shake . My knees were losing strength . I started to feel fear . A momentary void filled the whole room . No voice . No sound . It was too quiet for my taste . It felt as if it was the calm before the storm .
I forced my expression one more time, and slowly raised my face . Eldith’s blue eyes were visible . Oh gosh, those eyes . Yes, those very eyes . I feared those glittering eyes .
Her big eyes were widened to the maximum . The whole iris of her entire blue eyes were indignant . My words weren’t wrong . I was sure of that . But, her eyes told me that she was irritated with my bold response .
I was convinced during this time . If I had said those words in the past, I would be dead by now . I felt so much frustration . What a dangerous bridge that I’ve crossed right now .
At this precise moment, Eldith didn’t take my life herself because of her current position . Even though she was a prisoner, she was still a noble . Unlike the past where she didn’t care about anything around her, this current Eldith still wasn’t like that . She probably valued the teachings of her father . At least for now . And that belief was the thin thread that connected me to my life .
Scared . I was so scared that it felt extremely unbearable .
「What the hell . So, you really haven’t given up yet . You lied to me . 」
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Eldith’s piercing words engulfed the whole space . The last bit of her voice quivered slightly, as if she was struck by burning emotions . She gritted her back teeth and continued to speak .
「I hate this . I hate people who don’t take responsibility for their words . In the end, you’re just saying big words just to make yourself look better…」
Behind her anger was contemptuous feelings as well . Her sarcastic voice made it seem as if she laughed bitterly at some insect singing . Her eyes looked at me with ridicule and hate .
Damn it . What the hell was I doing now? My tongue didn’t move, and I noticed that my sweat was falling down from my face to my neck .
Now I understood . I knew that I shouldn’t let her talk like this . I had to stop the ongoing flow of words that came from her mouth . I had to do something . At least, I had to defend myself and stop her from acting hysterical .
But, what happened to me? My body couldn’t move . I couldn’t even move my tongue . I tried to move my eyes and realized that neither my body nor brain were trying to move . What was this thing?
Even the flow of the wind teased my ears and mocked me .
「…After all, you are all the same . You think that you are someone great, but you are nothing . In fact, I heard that you were an infamous person . But, that’s all . I don’t know what kind of luck you’ve got, but don’t forget that when there are allies, there are enemies as well . 」
…She really thought that I was a worthless human .
Yes, the Elf Princess continued with her scornful words .
How great . Indeed, how great . Besides my likely death, I put myself into a greater trouble .
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What was this feeling? I knew exactly what happened to me . My heart was still buried in fear, and my mind flickered as if I was crushed like a bug . This was an unmistakable fact .
However, something different was gushing out from the bottom of my chest .
This feeling was different from the angry resentment I had once . The fear that covered my whole body was also different . I didn’t know how to describe this emotion .
But, one thing was clear .
After all, no matter where I went, I was still a little rat . Finally, my mouth opened .
「…I don’t need you to tell me that, Princess . I’m not dumb . But, I can’t change my fate no matter where I go . That’s right . No matter how hard I try, I will always remain as a small and insignificant rat . I tried to grasp confidence with this hand, but it’s been hard to hold on to it . 」
Before I knew it, I could move again . I stood out of my bed . My view, which should’ve been cloudy, was clear now . My heart’s pulsation, which shrunk to fear, was thriving freely .
I spoke aloud with unswaying words to the blue eyes that looked quite upsetting at me .
「But, you see . There’s one thing that I agree with you . An ally and an enemy . I truly have those . Yes, an unmistakable ally and enemy…That hero . That’s the only thing that I’m convinced about, and my feelings will never change about it . That’s unquestionable . 」
That was correct . I hardly had confidence in myself . Rather, how could I even be confident in the first place? I “crawled in the ground” in order to achieve small moments of glory . Summing up, I survived by selling off my dignity .
I perfectly knew that some specific people were able to live without hardships . A feat that was achieved quite easily, and without having the need to degrade their bodies . Yes, unlike me . The master of swordsmanship, the genius of witchcraft, and the unmistakable hero .
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They were the pride of my heart and, at the same time, my hateful enemies . What complicated emotions . I couldn’t explain it in a single word . All I knew is that I couldn’t help but hate them, and hate myself too . I felt quite ridiculous for having these silly thoughts .
Ah, I felt that my lips began to quiver again because of fear .
「Actually, you are the one who is making excuses now . 」
Despite my growing fear, I continued to speak with Eldith . I managed to open my lips to say what I felt inside of my heart . It felt quite astonishingly . I had to overcome this fear in order to face her with self-assurance .
After I spoke those words, I felt a comfort that crawled from my spine to my heart . It was a good feeling . I was now trampling on the horrors of the past .
That’s why I couldn’t avoid her now . I had to keep pushing things forward in order to achieve some development .
「Excuses, you say? What excuses do I have? Just speak for yourself . 」
Eldith’s lips trembled as she replied to my words . I noticed that her gaze changed . It felt somewhat powerless .
「You are the one who wants to give up, Eldith . So, you are the one who’s making excuses . Not me . You’re trying to give up on your own will . 」
I thought that this woman had conflicted feelings as well . The mocking color of her eyes disappeared when I confronted her directly . She showed a totally different color now . I had no doubt about it . Ah, this was going on the right direction . If this ended up well, then I wouldn’t have to step on my own . That was the relief that I sought .
I knew those feelings very well .
After all, Eldith’s heart was still undecided . It meant that she didn’t exactly give up . She just uttered those mocking words in order to provoke me, even though she didn’t want to admit it herself . I just hoped that she’d say to Valianne tomorrow that she was just telling a joke . I didn’t want to die just yet .
Yes, I saw through her face that she was in conflict with herself . Her cheeks were dyed with shame, and her eyes were swaying, but she couldn’t speak .
It was impossible for me to notice this before because I lost my sanity in the past journey .
Eldith, the Elf Princess, I now know that you were different from the other members of the Rescue Party . Caria Burdnick, Filaret La Volgograd, and Helot Stanley . She wasn’t a hero as capable and spirited as they were . She was, on the other hand, a sad woman that kept on living with the only power she had .
But, I knew it different . In fact, she was a woman who had a meaningful power . And yet, she was imprisoned alone on this Tower, and unable to go outside .
Her deep roots were strong, but miserable . She was the same as me .
「Princess . As I said, I can’t bet my life in your hands . So, you must be the one to put your life in my hands . Let us both get involved in my flow and survive this . It’s time for you to stop running and face your own problems . 」
Eldith couldn’t say a word back to me upon hearing my statement . Her eyes quivered, and then, she closed them . All I could see was her blue eyes shaking in confusion .
Yeah, I hoped that I swayed her with my words . I thought that I would have a chance to change someone’s mind if it were with this woman .
She wasn’t a hero who held her emotions in the palm of her hands, but a scarecrow who was swayed by emotions . Yes, emotions that were similar to mine .
Eldith, if you feel like me, if you accept my words, if you are truly like that, you won’t be my enemy anymore .