Chapter 69
hapter 69: The Saint Woman’s Anguish
Matia’s eyebrows wrinkled slightly and her lips quivered .
In the darkness, Matia gently suppressed her emotions . She didn’t want others to notice her unsettling feelings . Therefore, she tried her hardest not to lose her dignified expression . She felt burning feelings, such as shame, which furiously burnt her heart .
She felt embarrassed with herself . Why would she think about her emotions like a fool, rather than think with a coherent mind? She felt that this degree of stupidity was too much for her .
Matia understood that her strength resided within her reason and calculation .
She believed that she had to always show a sanctified expression on her face, while burying a poisonous scorpion in her chest . She was required to behave as a Saint since childhood . She swallowed that fact for many times . So many times, that she began to believe on her own facade . Rather, she felt that emotions were useless things . There was no way that she would expose her own emotions because she had none .
Yet, her white cheeks were fiery red . Why was she upset?
“…don’t feel the need to thank you, nor do I appreciate that gesture…No, in fact, I resent you for what happened . ”
The swinging carriage gave a strange sensation to her knees . Matia’s cheeks were desperate to prevent highlighting of her unwanted feelings . She tried to tighten her cheeks .
Ah, so angry . She felt so angry . The hatred that had been sitting on her shoulders could slip away at any moment . She was a woman who lost everything, and at the same time, she got her own salvation to live and die as a Saint .
Even if the result was the eventual collapse of Heraldic Order . It didn’t matter to her how much this awfulness was inflicted on her soul as their Saint . Rather than lamenting, she would rather feel satisfied because she had a moment of pleasure . Yes, a moment of glory .
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But, that was one possible outcome, and nothing more . Matia had no choice but to focus on her own actions . Even if she felt an increasing hatred boiling in her chest, she believed that she had to forsake these thoughts in order to move forward .
She firmly believed that her body, which was no longer “alive”, must fulfill its obligations as a Saint until the very end .
At the very least, she’d like to thank the plain blessings that came with the help of the adventurer named Lugis . If possible, to continue to use him for her great purpose . Matia understood this coherent thought very well . That was the best path and the best decision . Indeed, to have him by her side would be the best course of action to take .
However, the burning feelings swirling in her chest simply didn’t allow her to behave that way .
That was one thing . While this was the other thing . In order words, all of this confusion was because he was Lugis after all .
Pathetic . One who had been trained as a Saint mustn’t have such an upsetting mind . She knew that she wasn’t alone . The Heraldic escorts were following the carriage . Afterwards, Matia bit her lips again, unnoticed to others .
In fact, Lugis saved Matia . In that part, she felt no problem in giving him thanks . Nonetheless, she could never forget that time . The words that scratched through Matia’s chest were still alive in her head .
“…Nope, this isn’t the time to face the Saint woman . At least, not yet . ”
Matia thought the following, “I am a Saint forever . Yes, no matter what happens . ” Matia was always a Saint . Nevertheless, that man tried to deny her authenticity as a holy woman .
No, it wasn’t the only thing in her heart . After all, she had gratitude towards him for saving her life, but at the same time, she felt a huge grudge because he deprived her of dying as a holy person . To be a martyr . To be released of all responsibilities through the form of death . Ah no, she didn’t know why she was behaving like this . It was the first time she felt this way .
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In her head, these two perceptions were making different claims . Matia involuntarily blinked her eyes and tilted her head because of the continuous whirling of emotions .
It was as if she was back into her childhood where she couldn’t control her emotions . Before wearing the mask of heavenly reason, she was just a human being . Yes, herself and not just a Saint .
Still, she couldn’t accept this fact . Matia tightened her expression once again .
She had undoubtedly lived as a Saint since the very beginning until the present days . That won’t change until she dies . Regardless of that resolution, Matia didn’t know why her emotions were disturbed so much by such a man .
In any case, she mustn’t expose the uneasiness of her feelings . Matia sighed lightly and moved her lips in order to adjust her breathing .
“…Why does he have a complaining expression on his face? He should be grateful enough to get even my recognition . He is just a mere hero after all . ”
She closed her lips without saying any words . Her eyelids closed as well . Her cheeks stopped getting fiery red .
How odd . The words of defiance and the words of malice were wrapped together in a piece of cloth . A piece that swirled in both her mind and heart . Why is it that the only thing that crossed her mind at this time was the combination of reasoning and viciousness? Why did it feel like a mixture of poison? She never had the chance to ask her parents when she was young about what to do in moments of great turmoil .
She breathed again . This time in her head, she slowly composed the following words .
“…I’ll tell you boy . I don’t sleep . I won’t know what you’ll do if I’m sleeping . ”
Matia didn’t speak until the dawn came .
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—
It was almost time for the sun to open its eyes . Suddenly, the carriage stopped moving . I had just dumped the piece of chewing tobacco that no longer tasted good .
After all, I could hardly sleep at night . When I thought about the impeding attack from the Saint woman that stood close to me, I didn’t feel like falling asleep at all . Besides, the Saint woman looked somewhat different from normal . In the end, her strange behavior was like a distraction, and I ended up vigilant of my surroundings .
「Lady Saint…There’s a shadow of a beast in front of the carriage . 」
Said the escort while holding the reins of the horses .
At this moment, I looked ahead after hearing those words . I could see that the land was now mostly covered with vegetation . The terrain was inaccessible, and untouched by humans . It was undoubtedly the Elves’ territory . The carriage was also stuck in the pure terrain of nature . It was as if the wheels were broken . In fact, we might have naturally entered the realm of wild beasts and monsters .
Ahead of the carriage horses . There was a giant monkey sitting there .
It was much larger than a horse . In addition, it was not just big . Its eyes were eerie and brilliantly shining an ominously red hue . Its mouth was practically on its belly, although it was hidden in its fur . The muscles of its arms and legs were rough and bursting . It was as if each part of its body was made of steel . In fact, if one punched it, I was sure that one’s fingers would break immediately .
「Hmm… I’ve never seen anything like it before . I heard that a few types of monsters were on the rise, so perhaps, is that thing one of them?」
Caria appeared from the side of the carriage to see the supposed beast . Apparently, the shaking of the carriage awakened her eyes . Alternatively, did she wake up when she leaned her head to the side? Her silvery hair swung right next to her leaning face .
「Choose another detour . If we don’t have that option, then…we’ll have to push through . 」
After hearing those words, the escort knights immediately searched for the surroundings . That was probably useless . The Elves’ territory was largely covered with trees, and they didn’t like humans destroying them down just to make passage way . This uneven and old path was created when this part of the territory belonged to the humans . But, that was a long time ago .
Matia stared slightly at me . Summing up, one had to resort to brute force in the event of an emergency, was that what she tried to say?
Let’s be honest . That thing was not a beast that an ordinary person like me could fight evenly and win . There was no doubt that a fully armed knight would confront this beast regardless of its threat . At first glance, it didn’t look like a threat, but this assumption was deadly wrong .
「Speaking of which, I remember that you are deeply knowledgeable about the new types of beasts and monsters . So, how about that thing? Or is your brain good at hiding things?」
Ah, Caria’s finger touched her head lightly . She seemed to be wondering if I was still hiding something . It was true that I hid things . Still, that wasn’t a sin, because every human had a secret of their own .
「Well . It would be better not touch it with your bare hands . It’s not good for us to step into the Elves’ territory with such a demon beast as an opponent . 」
However, I stroke my chin with my fingers when I described that beast . Well, speaking of which, weren’t they rampant around the Elves’ territory by this time? It wasn’t that unexpected, but it was rather surprising .
Of course, it was just a matter of time . Inevitable . The world seemed unprepared for the upcoming catastrophe .
While I was immersed in my thoughts a strangely heavy air stroked the back of my lungs .