WILD. The plague, as I live; and all my relation is truth, every syllable. But, Mistress Wanton, now must you play your masterpiece: be sure to blush, and appear but simple enough, and all is well: thou wilt pass for as arrant a chambermaid as any in the parish.
PAR. Hum! new plots?
CAPT. Let me put on a petticoat and a muffler, and I'll so chambermaid it, and be so diligent with the clean smock and the chamber-pot.[268] Now would I give all the shoes in my shop to lie with 'em both.
WAN. Let me alone to fit them; I can make a scurvy curtsey naturally: remember, I am an Essex woman, if they ask.
WILD. Come, come quickly, take those sweetmeats; bring the great cake and knife, and napkins, for they have not supped; and, Captain, make some lemonade, and send it by the boy to my chamber; and, do you hear, Jolly, you must stay till we come, for we must lie with you to-night.
JOLLY. We'll stay, but make haste then.
CAPT. And bring our cloaks and swords out with you.
WILD. I will, I will; but be quiet all.
PAR. Master Wild, I hope there is no plot in this.
CAPT. There's no jealousy, Master Parson, 'tis all serious, upon my life. Come away with us.
[_Exeunt omnes._
SCENE VI.
_The tiring-room, curtains drawn, and they discourse. His chamber, two beds, two tables, looking-glasses, night-clothes, waistcoats, sweet-bags, sweetmeats, and wine:_ WANTON _dressed like a chambermaid. All above, if the scene can be so ordered._
_Enter_ WIDOW _and_ MISTRESS PLEASANT, WILD _and_ CARELESS: _the_ WIDOW _and_ MISTRESS PLEASANT _salute_ WANTON.
WILD. Faith, aunt, 'tis the first time I have had the honour to see you in my house, and as a stranger I must salute you.
WID. As I live, nephew, I'm ashamed to put you to this trouble.
WILD. It is an obligation. Mistress Pleasant, I know you have not supped; I pray you, be pleased to taste these sweetmeats, they are of Sall's doing; but I understand not sweetmeats, the wine I'll answer for; and, in a word, you are welcome: you are Patrona,[269] and we are slaves.
CARE. Good rest and a pleasing dream your humble servant wishes you.
WID. Good night, nephew; good night, Master Careless.
PLEA. Good night, Master Careless; your humble servant, Master Wild.
[_Exeunt_ WILD _and_ CARELESS.
WID. Why, ay, here are men have some wit: by this good night, had we lain at my servant's, we should have found the laced cap and slippers that have been entailed upon the family these five descents, advanced upon the cupboard's head instead of plate.
[_They sit down to undress them._
PLEA. They are a couple of the readiest youths too; how they run and do all things with a thought! I love him for sending his sister's maid. A pretty wench.
WID. Pray, let's go to bed; I am weary.
PLEA. You will not go to bed with those windows open: sweetheart, prythee, shut them, and bring me hither--dost understand me? As I live, 'tis a great while since I went to the play.
WID. It has been one of the longest days; a year of them would be an age.
PLEA. O, do you grow weary? you'll break your covenant ere the year go out.
[_The curtains are closed._
WID. Prythee, shut the windows, and come pin up my hair.
SCENE VII.
_Enter_ WILD, JOLLY, CARELESS, CAPTAIN, PARSON, _and_ FIDDLERS, _and one with a torch, with their cloaks and their swords, putting them on_. _Enter_ WILD'S _man_.
WILD. See you wait diligently, and let them want nothing they call for. Come, shall we go? 'tis very late.
CAPT. But how does Wanton carry it?
WILD. They saluted her; and Mistress Pleasant swore you might see the country simplicity in her face.
PAR. A pox upon her, crafty gipsy!
CAPT. Why, art not thou glad to see she can be honest when she will?
PAR. I'll show you all a trick for her within these few days, or I'll miss my aim.
JOLLY. Come, let's go.
[_They all offer to go._
CAPT. I have a mind to stay till Wanton comes.
WILD. Stay a little, then, for 'twill not be long ere they be abed.
CAPT. I hear Wanton's voice.
_Enter_ WANTON.
WILD. Are they abed?
WAN. Yes, and have so admired you and Master Careless, and abused the lovers! Well, gentlemen, you are the wits of the time; but if I might counsel--well, they might lie alone this night; but it should go hard if I lay not with one of them within a month.
CARE. Were they so taken with their lodging?
WAN. All that can be said, they said: you are the friendliest men, the readiest men, the handsomest men; men that had wit, and could tell when to be civil, and when to be wild; and Mistress What's-her-name, the younger, asked why Master Wild did not go a-wooing to some rich heir; upon her conscience, she said, you would speed.
CARE. Well, well, there's a time for all things: come, let's go.