ACT V.
_Enter_ FRANKLIN, SHALLOW, LUCE, FRANCISCO _in a parson's habit, and a true_ PARSON _otherwise attired_.
FRANK. I'll take your counsel, sir, I'll not be seen in't, But meet you when 'tis done: you'll marry them?
FRAN. Fear not that, sir; I'll do the deed.
FRANK. I shall Rest thankful to you; till then I'll leave you.
SHAL. I pray, father, leave us, we know how to behave ourselves alone; methinks, Luce, we are too many by two yet.
LUCE. You are merry, sir. [_Exeunt._
_Manet_ FRANKLIN.
FRANK. Now they are sure, or never! poor Francisco, Thou mett'st thy match, when thou durst undertake To o'erreach me with tricks. Where's now your sumner?
'Fore heaven, I cannot but applaud my brain, To take my daughter even against her will, And great with child by another, her shame publish'd, She cited to the court, and yet bestow her On such a fortune as rich Shallow is: Nay, that which is the masterpiece of all, Make him believe 'tis his, though he ne'er touch'd her.
If men ne'er met with crosses in the world, There were no difference 'twixt the wise and fools.
But I'll go meet them; when 'tis done, I fear not. [_Exit._
_Enter_ FRANCISCO, PARSON, SHALLOW, LUCE.
FRANC. Nay, fret not now; you had been worse abus'd, If you had married her: she never lov'd you.
LUCE. I ever scorned thy folly, and hated thee; though sometimes afore my father I would make an ass of thee.
SHAL. O women, monstrous women! little does her father know who has married her.
LUCE. Yes, he knows the parson married me, and you can witness that.
FRANC. And he shall know the parson will lie with her.
SHAL. Well, parson, I will be revenged on all thy coat: I will not plough an acre of ground for you to tithe, I'll rather pasture my neighbour's cattle for nothing.
PAR. O, be more charitable, sir; bid God give them joy.
SHAL. I care not greatly if I do: he is not the first parson that has taken a gentleman's leavings.
FRANC. How mean you, sir?
SHAL. You guess my meaning. I hope to have good luck to horse flesh, now she is a parson's wife?
FRANC. You have lain with her, then, sir.
SHAL. I cannot tell you that; but if you saw a woman with child without lying with a man, then perhaps I have not.
LUCE. Impudent coxcomb! Barest thou say that ever thou layest with me?
Didst thou ever so much as kiss my hand in private?
SHAL. These things must not be spoken of in company.
LUCE. Thou know'st I ever hated thee.
SHAL. But when you were i' th' good humour, you would tell me another tale.
LUCE. The fool is mad; by heaven, my Francisco, I am wronged!
[_He discovers himself._
FRANC. Then I must change my note. Sirrah, unsay what you have spoken; swear here before the parson and myself you never touched her, or I'll cut thy throat: it is Francisco threatens thee.
SHAL. I am in a sweet case, what should I do now? Her father thinks I have lain with her: if I deny it, he'll have a bout with me: if I say I have, this young rogue will cut my throat.
FRANC. Come, will you swear?
SHAL. I would I were fairly off; I would lose my wench with all my heart. I swear.
FRANC. So now thou art free from any imputation that his tongue can stick upon thee. [_To_ LUCE.]
_Enter_ FRANKLIN.
FRANK. Well, now I see 'tis done.
SHAL. Here's one shall talk with you.
FRANK. God give you joy, son Shallow.
FRANC. I thank you, father.
FRANK. How's this, Francisco in the parson's habit?
FRANC. I have married her, as you bad me, sir; but this was the truer parson of the two: he tied the knot, and this gentleman is our witness.
FRANK. I am undone! strumpet, thou hast betrayed thyself to beggary, to shame besides, and that in open court: but take what thou hast sought: hang, beg, and starve, I'll never pity thee.
LUCE. Good sir!
SHAL. I told you what would come on't.
FRANK. How did your wisdom lose her?
SHAL. E'en as you see; I was beguiled, and so were you.
FRANK. Francisco, take her; thou seest the portion thou art like to have.
FRANC. 'Tis such a portion as will ever please me: but for her sake be not unnatural.