MRS BAR. Well, lusty guts, I mean to make ye stay, And set some rubs in your mind's smoothest way[254].
_Enter_ PHILIP.
PHIL. Mother--
MRS BAR. How now, sirrah; where have you been walking?
PHIL. Over the meads, half-way to Milton, mother, To bear my friend, Frank Goursey, company.
MRS BAR. Where's your blue coat[255], your sword and buckler, sir?
Get you such like habit for a serving-man, If you will wait upon the brat of Goursey.
PHIL. Mother, that you are mov'd, this makes me wonder; When I departed, I did leave ye friends: What undigested jar hath since betided?
MRS BAR. Such as almost doth choke thy mother, boy, And stifles her with the conceit of it; I am abus'd, my son, by Goursey's wife.
PHIL. By Mistress Goursey.
MRS BAR. Mistress Flirt--yea[256], foul strumpet, Light-a-love, short-heels! Mistress Goursey Call her again, and thou wert better no.
PHIL. O my dear mother, have some patience!
MRS BAR. Ay, sir, have patience, and see your father To rifle up the treasure of my love, And play the spendthrift upon such an harlot!
This same will make me have patience, will it not?
PHIL. This same is women's most impatience: Yet, mother, I have often heard ye say, That you have found my father temperate, And ever free from such affections.
MRS BAR. Ay, till[257] my too much love did glut his thoughts, And make him seek for change.
PHIL. O, change your mind!
My father bears more cordial love to you.
MRS BAR. Thou liest, thou liest, for he loves Goursey's wife, Not me.
PHIL. Now I swear, mother, you are much to blame; I durst be sworn he loves you as his soul.
MRS BAR. Wilt thou be pampered by affection?
Will nature teach thee such vild[258] perjury?
Wilt thou be sworn, ay, forsworn,[259] careless boy?
And if thou swear't, I say he loves me not.
PHIL. [Mother] he loves[260] ye but too well, I swear, Unless ye knew much better how to use him.
MRS BAR. Doth he so, sir? thou unnatural boy!
"Too well," sayest thou? that word shall cost thee[261] somewhat: O monstrous! have I brought thee up to this?
"Too well!" O unkind, wicked, and degenerate, Hast thou the heart to say so of thy mother?
Well, God will plague thee for't, I warrant thee: Out on thee, villain! fie upon thee, wretch!
Out of my sight, out of my sight, I say!
PHIL. This air is pleasant, and doth please me well, And here I will stay.
MRS BAR. Wilt thou, stubborn villain?
_Enter_ MR BARNES.
MR BAR. How now, what's the matter?
MRS BAR. Thou sett'st thy son to scoff and mock at me: Is't not sufficient I am wrong'd of thee, But he must be an agent to abuse me?
Must I be subject to my cradle too?
O God, O God, amend it!
[_Exit_.
MR BAR. Why, how now, Philip? is this true, my son?
PHIL. Dear father, she is much impatient: Ne'er let that hand assist me in my need, If I more said than that she thought amiss To think that you were so licentious given; And thus much more, when she inferr'd it more, I swore an oath you lov'd her but too well: In that as guilty I do hold myself.
Now that I come to more considerate trial, I know my fault: I should have borne with her: Blame me for rashness, then, not for want of duty.
MR BAR. I do absolve thee; and come hither, Philip: I have writ a letter unto Master Goursey, And I will tell thee the contents thereof; But tell me first, think'st thou Frank Goursey loves thee?
PHIL. If that a man devoted to a man, Loyal, religious in love's hallowed vows-- If that a man that is sole laboursome To work his own thoughts to his friend's delight, May purchase good opinion with his friend, Then I may say, I have done this so well, That I may think Frank Goursey loves me well.
MR BAR. 'Tis well; and I am much deceived in him, And if he be not sober, wise, and valiant.
PHIL. I hope my father takes me for thus wise, I will not glue myself in love to one That hath not some desert of virtue in him: Whate'er you think of him, believe me, father, He will be answerable to your thoughts In any quality commendable.
MR BAR. Thou cheer'st my hopes in him; and, in good faith, Thou'st[262] made my love complete unto thy friend: Philip, I love him, and I love him so, I could afford him a good wife, I know.
PHIL. Father, a wife!
MR BAR. Philip, a wife.
PHIL. I lay my life--my sister!
MR BAR. Ay, in good faith.
PHIL. Then, father, he shall have her; he shall, I swear.
MR BAR. How canst thou say so, knowing not his mind?
PHIL. All's one for that; I will go to him straight.
Father, if you would seek this seven-years'-day, You could not find a fitter match for her; And he shall have her, I swear he shall; He were as good be hanged, as once deny[263] her.
I'faith, I'll to him.
MR BAR. Hairbrain, hairbrain, stay!
As yet we do not know his father's mind: Why, what will Master Goursey say, my son, If we should motion it without his knowledge?
Go to, he's a wise and discreet gentleman, And that expects from me all honest parts; Nor shall he fail his expectation; First I do mean to make him privy to it: Philip, this letter is to that effect.
PHIL. Father, for God's[264] sake, send it quickly, then: I'll call your man. What, Hugh! where's Hugh, there, ho?