PHANTASMA.
_Habet et musca splenem, et formicae sua bilis inest_.
INGENIOSO.
Gramercy,[118] good lads. This is our share in happiness, to torment the happy. Let's walk along and laugh at the jest; it's no staying here long, lest Sir Raderic's army of bailiffs and clowns be sent to apprehend us.
PHANTASMA.
_Procul hinc, procul ite, profani_.
I'll lash Apollo's self with jerking hand, Unless he pawn his wit to buy me land.
ACTUS IV., SCAENA 3.
BURBAGE, KEMP.
BURBAGE.
Now, Will Kemp, if we can entertain these scholars at a low rate, it will be well; they have oftentimes a good conceit in a part.
KEMP.
It's true, indeed, honest Dick, but the slaves are somewhat proud; and besides, it's a good sport in a part to see them never speak in their walk, but at the end of the stage; just as though, in walking with a fellow, we should never speak but at a stile, a gate, or a ditch, where a man can go no further. I was once at a comedy in Cambridge, and there I saw a parasite make faces and mouths of all sorts on this fashion.
BURBAGE.
A little teaching will mend these faults; and it may be, besides, they will be able to pen a part.
KEMP.
Few of the university pen play well; they smell too much of that writer Ovid and that writer Metamorphosis, and talk too much of Proserpina and Jupiter. Why, here's our fellow Shakespeare puts them all down--ay, and Ben Jonson too. O, that Ben Jonson is a pestilent fellow; he brought up Horace, giving the poets a pill;[119] but our fellow Shakespeare hath given him a purge that made him bewray his credit.
BURBAGE.
It's a shrewd fellow, indeed. I wonder these scholars stay so long; they appointed to be here presently, that we might try them. O, here they come.
STUDIOSO.
Take heart, these lets our clouded thoughts refine; The sun shines brightest when it 'gins decline.
BURBAGE.
Master Philomusus and Master Studioso, God save you.
KEMP.
Master Philomusus and Master Otioso,[120] well-met.
PHILOMUSUS.
The same to you, good Master Burbage. What, Master Kemp, how doth the Emperor of Germany?[121]
STUDIOSO.
God save you, Master Kemp; welcome, Master Kemp, from dancing the morris over the Alps.
KEMP.
Well, you merry knaves, you may come to the honour of it one day. Is it not better to make a fool of the world as I have done, than to be fooled of the world, as you scholars are? But be merry, my lads; you have happened upon the most excellent vocation in the world for money. They come north and south to bring it to our playhouse; and for honours, who of more report than Dick Burbage and Will Kemp? He is not counted a gentleman that knows not Dick Burbage and Will Kemp. There's not a country wench that can dance Sellenger's round,[122] but can talk of Dick Burbage and Will Kemp.
PHILOMUSUS.
Indeed, Master Kemp, you are very famous; but that is as well for works in print, as your part in cue.[123]
KEMP.
You are at Cambridge still with size cue, and be lusty humorous poets.
You must untruss; I rode this my last circuit purposely, because I would be judge of your actions.
BURBAGE.
Master Studioso, I pray you, take some part in this book, and act it, that I may see what will fit you best. I think your voice would serve for Hieronimo; observe how I act it, and then imitate me.
[_He recites_.
STUDIOSO.
Who call Hieronimo from his naked bed?
And_, &c.[124]
BURBAGE.
You will do well--after a while.
KEMP.
Now for you. Methinks you should belong to my tuition; and your face, methinks, would be good for a foolish mayor or a foolish justice of peace. Mark me:--
Forasmuch as there be two states of a commonwealth, the one of peace, the other of tranquillity; two states of war, the one of discord, the other of dissension; two states of an incorporation, the one of the aldermen, the other of the brethren; two states of magistrates, the one of governing, the other of bearing rule. Now, as I said even now--for a good thing[125] cannot be said too often. Virtue is the shoeing-horn of justice; that is, virtue is the shoeing-horn of doing well; that is, virtue is the shoeing-horn of doing justly; it behoveth me, and is my part to commend this shoeing-horn unto you. I hope this word shoeing-horn doth not offend any of you, my worshipful brethren; for you, being the worshipful headsmen of the town, know well what the horn meaneth. Now therefore I am determined not only to teach, but also to instruct, not only the ignorant, but also the simple; not only what is their duty towards their betters, but also what is their duty towards their superiors.
Come, let me see how you can do; sit down in the chair.
PHILOMUSUS.
Forasmuch as there be, &c.
KEMP.
Thou wilt do well in time, if thou wilt be ruled by thy betters, that is, by myself, and such grave aldermen of the playhouse as I am.
BURBAGE.
I like your face, and the proportion of your body for Richard the Third.
I pray, Master Philomusus, let me see you act a little of it.
PHILOMUSUS.
_Now is the winter of our discontent Made glorious summer by the sun of York_.
BURBAGE.
Very well, I assure you. Well, Master Philomusus and Master Studioso, we see what ability you are of; I pray, walk with us to our fellows, and we'll agree presently.
PHILOMUSUS.
We will follow you straight, Master Burbage.
KEMP.
It's good manners to follow us, Master Philomusus and Master Otioso.
PHILOMUSUS.
And must the basest trade yield us relief?