Farewell, son, I will go me to prepare.
THERSITES.
Mother, God be with you and keep you from care.
[_The mother goeth out, and Thersites saiyeth forth_:
Whatsomever I say, sirs, I think ill might she fare; I care not if the old witch were dead: It were an almsdeed to knock her in the head, And say on the worms that she did die; For there be many that my lands would buy.
By God's blessed brother, If I were not sick of the mother!
This toothless trot keepeth me hard, And suffereth no money in my ward; But, by the blessed Trinity, If she will no sooner dead be, I will with a cushion stop her breath, Till she have forgot Newmarket heath.
Ill might I fare, If that I care Her to spare: About the house she hoppeth, And her nose oft droppeth, When the worts she choppeth: When that she doth brew, I may say to you, I am ready to spew, The drops to see down renne, By all Christian men, From her nose to her knen[612]
Fie, God's body, it maketh me to spit, To remember how that she doth sit, By the fire brawling, Scratching and scrawling, And in every place Laying oysters apace.
She doth but lack shells: The devil have they whit else.
At night, when to bed she goes, And plucketh off her hose, She knappeth me in the nose With rip, rap, Flip, flap, That an ill-hap Come to that tap, That venteth so, Wheresoever she go!
So much she daily drinketh, That her breath at both ends stinketh; That an horse-comb and an halter Her soon up talter!
Till I say David's psalter That shall be at Nevermass, Which never shall be, nor never was.
By this ten bones, She served me once A touch for the nonce.
I was sick and lay in my bed; She brought me a kerchief to wrap on my head, And I pray God that I be dead, If that I lie any whit, When she was about the kerchief to knit, Break did one of the forms' feet, That she did stand on, And down fell she anon, And forth withal, As she did fall, She girdeth out a fart, That me made to start: I think her buttocks did smart: Except it had be a mare in a cart, I have not heard such a blast.
I cried and bid her hold fast: With that she, nothing aghast, Said to me, that no woman in this land Could hold fast that which was not in her hand.
Now, sirs, in that whole pitch and fire-brand Of that bag so fusty, So stale and so musty, So cankered and so rusty, So stinking and so dusty, God send her as much joy, As my nose hath alway Of her unsavory spice.
If that I be not wise, And stop my nose quickly, When she letteth go merrily.
But let all this go. I had almost forgot The knave that here erewhile did jet, Before that Telemachus did come in.
I will go seech him; I will not blin, Until that I have him: Then, so God save him, I will so beknave him, That I will make to rave him; With this sword I will shave him, And stripes when I have gave him, Better I will deprave him, That you shall know for a slave him.
[_Then Miles cometh in saying_:
MILES.
Wilt thou so indeed?
Hie thee, make good speed!
I am at hand here prest, Put away tongue-shaking And this foolish craking.
Let us try for the best: Cowards make speech apace; Stripes prove the man: Have now at thy face!
Keep off, if thou can.
[_And then he must strike at him, and Thersites must run away, and leave his club and sword behind_.
Why, thou lubber, runnest thou away, And leavest thy sword and club thee behind?
Now this is a sure card: now I may well say, That a coward craking here I did find.
Masters, ye may see by this play in sight, That great barking dogs do not most bite.
And oft it is seen that the best men in the host Be not such that use to brag most.
If ye will avoid the danger of confusion, Print my words in heart, and mark this conclusion: Such gifts of God, that ye excel in most, Use them with soberness, and yourself never boast; Seek the laud of God in all that ye do: So shall virtue and honour come you to.
But if you give your minds to the sin of pride, Vanish shall your virtue, your honour away will slide.
For pride is hated of God above, And meekness soonest obtaineth his love.
To your rulers and parents be you obedient, Never transgressing their lawful commandment.
Be ye merry and joyful at board and at bed: Imagine no traitory against your prince and head.
Love God, and fear him, and after him your king, Which is as victorious as any is living.
Pray for his grace, with hearts that doth not feign, That long he may rule us without grief or pain.
Beseech ye also that God may save his queen.
Lovely Lady Jane, and the prince that he hath sent them between,[613]
To augment their joy and the Commons' felicity!
Fare ye well, sweet audience, God grant you all prosperity.
AMEN.
FOOTNOTES:
1. A Select Collection of Old Plays. A new edition, with Additional Notes and Corrections, by the late Isaac Reed, Octavius Gilchrist, and the Editor (J.P. Collier. London, 1825-27-28. 13 vols. post 8vo, including a Supplement).
2. Not only has the editor brought together, and arranged in their proper sequence, certain dramas of great curiosity hitherto not reprinted at all, but he has incorporated with the old series of Dodsley all the pieces in the collections of Dilke, Hawkins, &c., which still remained uncollected. Of course, of those writers of whom we possess valuable texts by Gifford, Dyce, and other scholars, no specimens were necessary.
To the library editions of Jonson, Shirley, Greene, Peele, &c., these new volumes, from which they have been intentionally excluded, ought to be acceptable companions.
3. Origin of the English Drama. 1773. 8vo, 3 vols.
4. Old English Plays, being a selection from the early dramatic writers.
1816. 8vo, 6 vols.
5. For many of the notes contributed by Dodsley and his followers, the present editor should not be held answerable; nor would he have retained them, had he not apprehended a complaint that the work was by their omission impaired in value. In certain cases, nevertheless, where a remark or explanation was absolutely erroneous, it seemed to be an imperative duty to suppress it, and if necessary to substitute another for it. A large proportion of the extracts at the foot of the pages have been collated, by which process a variety of mistakes has been removed.
6. The tone of this inscription almost renders it allowable to infer that Sir Clement Dormer had communicated to Dodsley some of the plays which appear in his collection as originally published. Sir Clement Cotterel, who was probably related to Sir Clement Cotterel Dormer, was master of the ceremonies during the early Georgian era, and curious old books with his book-plate occasionally occur.
7. "Interlude of the Four Elements: An Early Moral Play." Edited by James Orchard Halliwell, F.R.S. London: Percy Society, 1848.
8. But see Mr Collier's reason for assigning it to 1517. "History of English Dramatic Poetry," ii. 321.
9. See Hazlitt's "Handbook," p. 463.
10. That is, a fool. "Good faith, I am no wiser than a daw."--"I Henry VI." ii. 4; Malone's Shakespeare, xviii. 61.--_Halliwell_.
11. Everlasting. It occurs twice in Shakespeare: see "Macbeth," iii. 2, _apud_ Malone, xi. l54.--_Halliwell_.
12. That is, animal. This word is not always used by early writers in a bad sense. "By bestial oblivion" Hamlet refers to the want of intellectual reflection in animals, there applied to human beings. Still more clearly in "Othello"--"I have lost the immortal part, sir, of myself, and what remains is bestial." Even "bestial appetite," in change of lust, in "Richard III.," may be similarly interpreted.--_Halliwell_.
13. Establish or fix firmly in thy mind.
"Why doth not every earthly thing Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny The story that is printed in her blood!"
--_Halliwell. --Much Ado about Nothing_, iv. 1.
14. Wondrously; and so "wonders" for "wondrous," elsewhere in this interlude. In "Adam Bel," 1536, we have "wonderly"--
"These gates be shut so wonderly well."