"It is ever so folkloric," he murmured.
Father Herrick was possessed of no such laissezaller attitude. As the first of the village matrons approached him, reptile to the ready, he drew himself up stiffly, remarked, "I think not," and turned his back upon the solemn ritual.
Merlin clicked his tongue in marked disapproval, but said nothing.
Olivia yearned to know how long she would be required to wear her Flying garlands. The beasts' claws were only gentle pinpricks when felt through her ceremonial robe, but although it was no ordeal, neither was it a sensation she wished to prolong indefinitely. Unfortunately, her respect for local custom prevented her from saying a word, lest silence be requisite at this point in the rite. She breathed ever so much easier when -- soon, if not soon enough for her --the women removed the lizards.
"Arr.Weel , that's done," said Granny Bones with satisfaction. "All t'narsty children-bearin' powers has beentookenoff'un by t' blest lizards an' has now been put 'ponye two. Anddear'tisye've been t' be our help." She pinched Telemachus' waxy cheek until it colored.
"Do you mean we've caught your spare fertility?" Olivia asked.
Granny Bones only laughed and patted Olivia's stomach. The younger woman cast her eyes hastily downward to hide her blushes. Not so hastily, though, as to miss the look of proprietary joy onTelemachus ' face as he gazed at her.
"That's quite all right," he said. "Miss Drummond and I both adore children."
"Aye? Best hurry the banns, then." Granny Bones underlined her counsel with a sly wink.
"Am I to assume that you -- you have no further need of our services?" Olivia asked.
"Bless t' lass! Nay, 'tisye'll beravin ' some service o' we, by way o' thanks."
The crone clapped her hands and PaisleyBloodwell hauled a small wooden chest from beneath the lizard-washing table.
"See aught ye fancy?" the innkeeper asked as he tilted back the lid. Heaps of jewels and gold bedazzled the eye, stole breath from the body. The chest contained the ransom of one king, three dukes, and a baronet. "By way o'
souvenir, like, t' help ye remember wewi ' some fondness in latter days."
"Oh,"Oliviabreathed , lifting a gemmed dagger with gold wolf's head hilt from the trove.
"Ahhhh,"Telemachus likewise exhaled, extricating a weighty gold torque from the tangle of riches still reposing in the chest.
"Good Lord!" Father Herrick exclaimed, plunging both hands into the wallow of exquisite treasures. And also, "Ouch!" when PaisleyBloodwell slapped his wrists smartly and shut the chest with a snap.
"Them'sthings as belonged t' our old folks hereabouts,onc't on a time.
Trinkets an'gew-gawswot's been handled down through t' countless generations o' Greater Ambrose. Well, t' four or five generations, any road, but still.
Them'sfavors butfer those as helped us celebrate this day," the innkeeper said, severe as any headmaster.
"Helped?" The vicar snorted. "Well, why didn't you say so? I'll help you."
"Too late," said Granny Bones. "We be done with t' lizards." And as if to give credence to her words, the lizards now squirmed free of the women's grasp and trundled themselves briskly to the lip of Hob'sChimbley . By ones and twos they peered into the depths and hurled themselves in.
"Oh, the poor things!" Olivia cried.
"Let 'emgo," said Merlin. "It's all a part of the rite, lass. What's Yule without a visit to them as is our closest bloodki --?"
"I'll save them!" Father Herrick shouted, drowning out Merlin's words as he bounded after the apparently suicidal reptiles.
"Here, you daft coot, don't do that!" The wizard tried to reach him, but too late.
"You can thank me properly when I've rescued them for you," Father Herrick declared. He eyed the treasure boxmeaningly for an instant before plunging down the shaft after of the last of the lizards.
Merlin's curses rose to heaven on a spiral stair of frosty breath. Olivia attempted to calm the wizard.
"He'll be all right. It's all feathers down there, remember?" she said. "And I don't think he'll land on any of the lizards. Just have someone go fetch the ladder again and --"
"Woman, I know he won't land on the lizards," Merlin snapped. any goodda'd let some ravinggit squash his children! Never mind the bloody ladder."
Olivia wanted to ask why not. It was an innocent question, quite reasonable and harmless, but it never did get asked. A roar from below shook the village, flinging everyone but the wizard flat. The trestle collapsed into its component boards and sawhorses. Basins of soapy water tumbled across the snowy ground. A geyser of sulfurous flame gushed from the shaft to overtop the square-built church.
And then there was silence. Merlin gave Olivia a hand up. She clung to him as a shipwreck victim might adhere to a coastal rock and whimpered, "What was that?"
The wizard shrugged. "That was Hob."
Lady Battle-Purfitthad to answer the door herself, all the servants being busy elsewhere. The dark-suited young man tipped his hat to her respectfully.
"M'lady, I believe you're expecting me. Inspector William Jenks, Scotland Yard."
Her ladyship looked ruffled -- worse, she looked entirely at sixes and sevens, although the man with the courage to tell her this to her face had not yet been born. "Yes, yes, of course, come in." She shooed him into the nearest room, which turned out to be a rather cramped chamber whose walls were lined with glass-fronted cupboards. Most of the chairs within were occupied by prettily wrapped boxes of various shapes, some already open, some not. "Wedding gifts,"
her ladyship said briefly. She cleared a place for herself and left the Inspector to his own devices.
"I apologize if I have come at an inconvenient time,m'lady ," the Inspector said, moving a large cardboard box to the floor with a hearty thump. "It was unavoidable."
"You have come at the most inconvenient time, young man. My only child, my dear sonTelemachus is being married today. The ceremony is in point of fact about to begin. I hope you will join us." She made the invitation sound less than inviting.
"Thank you,m'lady , I'd be honored." Inspector Jenks was only capable of picking up clues at the scene of a crime. "What I've got to do here won't take up too much of your time. We're investigating thevanishment of one Father John Herrick, vicar ofStaddle -upon-Truss. He was last seen in the company of your son and a Miss Olivia Drummond some time before Christmas."
"Miss Drummond is my son'sfiancee ."
"Then she'd be here?"
"I believe that is the custom for brides on their wedding day." Lady Battle-Purfitt'svoice was hung with frost enough to slaughter a whole crop of garden marrows. "You may speak with her after the ceremony, should you still feel the need. However, I can tell you straight off what has become of Father Herrick. We have, in fact, been expecting you to call for quite some time. I only wonder that it took you so long to investigate the matter."
"His curate fell ill the Sunday after Boxing Day and could not officiate. It was the first time Father Herrick was missed," Inspector Jenks admitted. "His precise whereabouts are a mystery, but --"
"No mystery. Here he is," said her ladyship. "And here he stays."
"A guest? He might've called someone."
"Hardly. Dead, you know." Lady Battle-Purfittfolded her hands on the skirt of her bluemoire gown. "Drowned. He discovered a bog on the premises of Earl's Benefice and insisted it was a sacrificial site. I forbade him to explore it, on the sensible grounds that it was a hazard no sane person would approach too closely. Clearly I misjudged the late vicar's level of common sense. He defied me, seeking it out without my knowledge or consent, having first dispatched my son and Miss Drummond on a wild goose chase to observe some absurd local agricultural custom. They are avid preservationists, you know. On their return, they inquired after him. I said I thought he had gone with them, they were led to believe he had remained behind with me."
"Slippybeggar," the inspector muttered.
"Please, Inspector Jenks, demortuis , nil nisibonum ," her ladyship chided. "We sought, but all we found were a few of his personal effects hard by the bog."
She rose majestically and fetched a fountain pen, two pencils, a notebook, and a muddy pamphlet from one of the cupboards. "You may view it and them at your pleasure." She dropped the items in his lap.
Inspector Jenks eyed the pitiful remains, took a small pad from his breast pocket, made a few notes, then closed it with a snap. "Just a quick look at the bog later on,m'lady . Drowned, eh? Poor chap. Tricky things, bogs. Likely we shan't be able to recover the body if it's a deep 'un. Well, can't be helped. We heard as how he was dead keen on ancient lore and all that. Now he's just dead, eh?" Hisplummy chuckle was left to wither and perish under the blaze of Lady Battle-Purfitt'sscornful look.
"If you have no further inquiries to make, will you excuse me?" She gestured toward the door. "The wedding you know."
"Oh, aye, mustn't detain the festivities, what?" Inspector Jenks was going to jolly up Lady Battle-Purfittor die in the attempt. Wise money was already being laid as to the design of his coffin. "All quite simple here, cut and dried-- only not so dry as all that for poor Father Herrick, I'd say-- nothing unusual, case closed, nothing out of the ordinary at all." He was still nattering on as the door closed behind them.
For a time, the room was still. Then the lid of the box which the inspector had dropped to the floor stirred and lifted. A blunt snout protruded, beaky nostrils twitching. A crested head knocked the lid clean off. The box rocked back and forth astaloned paws clung to the lip, then the cardboard cube tumbled over onto its side, spilling out its living contents.
The creature crawled across the carpet to where the inspector had let fall Father Herrick's last effects. After a few precursory snuffles it chewed up the pencils with relish, then nibbled the pen. The taste of plastic proved an unpleasant surprise. In a passion, the beast let out a roar that shattered the glass of every cupboard in the room. It lashed its tail and broke a chair leg.
Still peered, it glowered at the muddy pamphlet, the vertical pupils of its yellow eyes thin and unforgiving as the edge of a sword.