While tolerance, love, joy, peace and understanding are hallmarks of most of the world's main religions, someone with deep religious convictions must put God/Allah/Buddha etc. first, even before family. A truly dedicated follower would never loosen their religious morals and value just to keep peace in a relationship.
If you are considering dating or marrying (or have already married) someone of a different faith, think about doing these things: * Commit to do a formal study into each other's religion. Try to see if the church has some sort of "new believers" class or workbook. "Converting" without fully knowing what you are converting to shows that you really don't care about your spiritual life.
* Attend several religious services with your sweetheart. You might find the traditions and teachings rewarding or revolting. Better to know sooner than later.
* Pray to your Creator to guide you to the right spiritual path not just the one that seems the easiest.
* If you are intimate with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you curse, get drunk and have a mean streak, don't expect them to think highly of your religion. On the other hand, if you chose to remain pure, and you are gentle, loving, kind and giving, it will be far easier for him or her to be interested in finding out what makes you that way.
* Discuss in advance what each of you would teach your children about these issues: - Who is the Creator?
- How can they know the One who made them?
- What is their purpose here on earth?
- What happens to people when they die?
- Why is there so much suffering in the world if there is a all-powerful one who can stop it?
- How many good deeds must one do to get to heaven/nirvana/paradise?
A strong faith shared by a couple can be one of the most important elements in building a blissful relationship. But different faiths are powerful enough to destroy families, marriages and even countries.
#49.
In-laws or Out-laws?
Love them or hate them, nearly every married person interacts with his or her in-laws on a regular basis.
In-laws have the potential to destroy a perfectly blissful relationship if we let them. They also have the ability to save marriages when the road gets rocky if we seek their advice. How we deal with our extended families is a core element in our quest for a blissful relationship.
All men and women should realize that when they get married, they have created a new family. Your new husband or wife becomes your new family. Everyone else is part of the "extended" family -- which means they should not be as close to you as your spouse. Your mom, dad, sisters and brothers lose their priority and importance in your life. If you are not ready to place them below your mate, then you probably aren't ready to get married.
This is a very difficult concept for many parents to embrace. After all, they spend twenty or so years being the number one person in their child's eye. They sacrificed so much to bring their child to this point in their life. But hopefully, they have reared their offspring to become adults, not to stay as children. Many men and women have to respectfully, but forcefully let their parents know that they are all grown up and that their husband/wife is now their number one priority and center of their life.
Here are some tips on dealing with in-laws.
* When you are first married, DO NOT live with in-laws (unless it is your country's custom). If you cannot afford a place of your own, then why are you getting married now? I can't emphasize this point strongly enough.
* Make a rule that your in-laws cannot just "drop by" the first year or more of your marriage. Better yet, live at least an hour or two away from them so you can work on building your own relationship instead of spending so much time with other family members.
* If you spend more time each week talking with your parents (in person or on the phone) than you do with your spouse, then you know something needs tweaking in your relationship.
* If you and your mate argue or fight, resist the temptation to run home to your parents. You need to learn to solve the problems in your relationship and running away prolongs the solution. Telling your parents about all your marital problems makes it difficult for them to support your marriage.
* If you need advice on a problem you are having in your relationship, every once in a while talk it over with your in-laws. They will be honored that you came to them for advice and they probably have some good insight into your mate that you could never get from your own parents.
* Remember that every time you bad mouth your in-laws in front of your mate, you are tearing up someone they love.
* Show your in-laws kindness even if they are unkind to you. "Turning the other cheek" will earn you so much respect from your mate and your in-laws.
* You do not have to visit your in-laws every time your spouse goes to visit his family. If they get offended, they need to grow up.
* Send notes and cards to your in-laws from time to time. Sign your name only so they know it is just from you.
* Do not let your parents or your in-laws pressure you into having "grandchildren for them." If and when you have children is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. If you need them to "get off your back" tell them that having children is a private matter between you and your spouse and that you will let them know when you are expecting.
* If your parents or in-laws are rude, nasty, hateful and negative, you do not have to visit them. You can't choose your parents but you can choose your family.
Just because someone gave birth to you does not give her any right to ruin your day. Don't feel guilty for not visiting extended family that is abusive or demeaning to you, your spouse or children.
* Come up with a good game plan for holidays. (see my article - Decision Time) * If you are not already engaged, try to spend as much time with the in-laws as possible, especially if your sweetheart is close to his or her family. You need to know what you are getting into.
* Another benefit of getting to know your potential mate's parents is to see what type of person he or she will potentially become in 10, 20 or 30 years. Our parents do pass on their genes to us and like it or not, we often "become like our mother/father."
One final bit of advice for you and your in-laws. Love them, like them or simply respect them. There is no room in a blissful relationship for hate.
#50.
A Balanced Relationship Diet Athena is the most amazing woman (well, I might be a bit biased). What might take the average person one hour to do grocery shopping, she does in two.
Athena isn't filling the cart with just any food. She carefully reads the ingredients of all the packages to make sure what we eat contains nutrition and is not laced with potentially harmful additives. She even goes to stores on the other side of town because they carry food that is more healthy.
Athena goes beyond buying food that is good for us, she helps plan the meals to make sure we are eating a nutritionally balanced diet. She even has a little worksheet on our refrigerator and checks off how many servings of whole grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy/calcium, and protein we have eaten each day. What makes it even more complicated is that our son Ashton, who is one, and Athena, who is breastfeeding, have different nutritional needs than I do.
It is very touching to me that she takes such effort to make sure that Ashton and I are eating a wholesome, nutritious and balanced diet. It is a lot of extra work for Athena to shop and plan meals like she does but she wants us healthy and living together for long, long time. I do too.
Just as our bodies need certain amounts of vitamins and nutrients to remain healthy and alive, our relationships have needs, that if not met, can cause it to get sick and perhaps die.
I've divided the "nutritional" needs of a relationship into four groups.
* Communication * Physical Intimacy * Recreation * Spiritual Growth How much effort do you put forth to make sure the needs of your mate are being filled? Now, notice that I did not say YOUR needs. The common advice I see today is "me, me me." "Take care of yourself first because nobody else will."
Well, that selfish advice might work for some relationships, but not in blissful ones.
For example, you might only need 10 minutes of physical intimacy each week whereas only 10 minutes for your mate would make them starve. If you aren't providing the nutritional needs for your spouse, they will either wither away in the relationship or try to find "nutrition" outside of it.
To discover what your needs are individual y and as a couple, I would recommend that you two sit down and create a chart to put on your refrigerator or elsewhere. Talk about how much time each week or month both of you need to devote to the four areas above. As the weeks progress, you can take note of how well you are fulfilling your goal and alter your requirements as time goes by.
Take each of the four groups and discuss with your mate the various ways you can fulfill the nutritional requirements in your relationship. There is more than one way to satisfy each category.
Here are just a few to get you started.
Communication - Calling each other from work, emails to each other, love letters, talking in bed before going to sleep Physical intimacy - holding hands, hugging, foot rubs, passionate intercourse, snuggling on the sofa Recreation - playing card games, bowling, going out to dinner, gardening, daily walks (also under communication), going to concerts Spiritual Growth - meditating and praying together, attending a small group meeting devoted to spiritual growth, reading a spiritual book together, attending a church, synagogue or mosque A lot of men and women make the mistake of thinking that their mate's "nutritional " needs can be satisfied by others. They believe friends, coworkers and even children can fulfill all the communication, recreation and spiritual needs when they aren't around. That is like saying man-made vitamins can replace the vitamins that you get out of real food. They can't.
So, that means you should take that evening stroll with your wife even if you are tired. You should be intimate with your mate when they request it nicely. If your mate is attending a house of worship, you should too (whether you get anything out of it isn't the issue). And yes, you should turn off the TV and talk with your spouse even if you say you aren't a "talker" - listening is part of communication too.
If you truly want a thriving and healthy relationship, you need to learn the "nutritional" needs of your mate and do your best to fulfill them.