"Let's do it again. Only this time, let's talk about real life."
His face was agonized. "Noel, I've been paying for my mistakes for a long time."
"It wasn't a mistake! Just tell me what you think happened four years agowhen you came home on leave from the marines. Why you decided it was allright to marry me and pretend it didn't happen."
It was out in the open. She had said it.
The bleak look in his eyes made her tighten her grip on his hand. " "
Because when you lost your memory after the explosion , I knew that was the best thing that could have happened to you," he clipped out.
She shook her head. "Don't start at the end. Start at the beginning."
He cursed softly under his breath. "All right. Four years ago, I came backto Baltimore-and there you were. Just as lovely and appealing and sweet andgiving as you'd always been. Suddenly I couldn't stand any more of the cold,comfortless life I'd been leading. So I asked you out again. And you werefoolish enough to acqpt."
Noel gave a little tug on his hand, and he came down beside her. She nuzzledher face against his shoulder. "Not foolish. All those years, I'd beenhoping you'd come back for me."
"I was doing undercover work, but I was crazy enough to think I could have some kind of normal life. That you could stay in Baltimore and I could see you when it was safe."
Sensing how hard it was for him to continue, Noel took up the story. "And we went to your cousin's restaurant. That part was real. What were you going to do if I talked to Frye about that?"
"Tell him you'd manufactured episodes to go with what was on the chip. I think he would have bought it, because he knew the process wasn't perfect. That's how the word Chaos got into your head. It must have come across the computer Iink when he was transferring data to the chip." Jason plowed on. "Chaos was one of Frye's favorite code words. I had a list of probable computer passwords that would let me into his system. You saved me from having to check every damn one."
It was obvious that he'd rather give her details about Sir Douglas than talk about the two of them. Noel stroked her fingers against his. "Let's get back to us, olqy? We'd got to the part about your cousin. He was so happy for us. And he threw that wild Greek party-with all the men smashing glasses on the floor and everybody q'inking and dancing. But they agreed to keep it confiqual lsause they knew you were doin undercover "We got married the next morning at the courthouse"
"Then you took me off to western Maryland-to a cabin at Deep Creek Lake. We had such a wonderful week together."
"I started remembering some of it when Frye turned on the chip," she said softly.
The haunted look on his face made her heart turn over.
"God, what an irony," she murmured. "Somehow Frye stumbled on the truth."
"He had jungle instincts. He must have intuitively known the worst thing he could do to me."
She nodded almost imperceptibly. "The honeymoon at the lake was the one I wanted to remember."
While she'd been talkinp, Jason's grip on her hand had tightened painfully. She didn't try to ease the pressure. "I know why it ended, " she whispered. " " Peggy Donovan called and told you Ray was in big trouble and begged for your help. "
"I had to-"
"Jason, I know. You're a man of deep loyalties. You had to help Ray. Just like you rushed back into that room to save Jed. But stop trying to help me."
"A woman who wants to stay married doesn't forget her marriage."
"Maybe she does, if that's safer than thinking she watched her husband die."
She saw the pain in Jason's eyes before he lowered his gaze from her.
"I remember it all-now. I thought you were in some kind of trouble. So I followed you to where Ray and Peg were hiding. When the house blew up, I was hit by the debris and knocked flat. Then I lifted my head from the ground and saw you stagger outside with your clothing in shreds and half your face cut to ribbons. Then you gasped and fell over." Her hand reached up and traced the faded scar on his cheek, drawing his eyes to hers again. "That's where this happened, wasn't it?"
"Yes."
She felt the syllable tremble through him. "God, Jason I thought you were dead. Then I guess I blacked out: '
"The doctors said you didn't remember what hdd happened," Jason said in a voice that was barely under control.
"And instead of letting me see you were all right and trying to help me get my memory back, you decided it was better if I didn't know ! "
"Yeah. Because I knew I had to go after the man who had killed Ray and Peg-no matter what the personal cost. So staying with me could mean you'd end up like "But your family knew about us. And what about our marriage license?"
"I told my relatives it didn't work out. That we'd got it annulled, and I'd tear apart anyone who ever mentioned it: He laughed harshly. " There's a certain advantage to being known as a tough guy. Then I got the record of our marriage pulled from the courthouse. "
"You were very thorough. Tfiere was nothing left to prod my memory."
He nodded.
"I've been lying here thinking about why I blanked the man I love out of my life. I couldn't face your being dead. So my mind convinced me you'd never come back. I guess That's how my subconscious copes with the un , thinkable. It tries to make the truth go away. Like after my uncle was shot. "
"This time was a little different. Probably you were the perfect subject for Frye, because you'd had a head injury once before."
Noel nodded tightly.
"You're saying I was wrong to leave," Jason grated. "But the past week just proves how right I was. My worst nightmare came true. Look what happened when you got mixed up with me again: '
He stood up, ignoring her outstretched hand.
"Yes, look what happened," Noel said. "I didn't know about our past. I didn't know we were marned. But I fell in love with you all over again! How can you stand there and tell me that wasn't meant to be?"
The stunned look on his face made her realize exactly what she'd said in desperation. "Yes, it's true," she whispered. "How many times do I have to prove I love you? That I neqd you?"
He moved then, hurling himself across the space that separated them, hauling her against his taut body, holding her as if his life depended on the contact.
"Oh, God. Noel. You're the best thing that ever happened to me-and I thought I had to give you up."
" " No. You have to make this marriage work: ' " " I love you. God, how I love you: '
In his arms she felt his deep emotions. She felt passion and comfort-the comfort of memories they shared. " " Jason? "
"What?"
She moved far enough away so that she could hold up her left hand. "Isn't this the wedding ring you gave me four years ago?"
" " It was in my safe-deposit box. It was wonderful to see you wear it-and it hurt, too. "
Her vision was blurred by tears as she slipped the ring ! off and handed it to him. "Will you put it back on my ' finger? The way you did at the ceremony." ' With hands that trembled, he filled her request. They gazed at each other, and she saw her joy reflected in his eyes.
As she gently stroked her fingers against his lips, he kissed the gold band.
"You don't know how much I wanted to tell you we really were married. Then when I sensed the true memories getting closer to the surface, I was terrified the Sovereign would find out how much you meant to me. "
Jason drew her back into his arms, kissing her with all the fervor of a new bridegroom affirming his love.
Noel looked toward the door and back at her husband" Jason I want to be alone with you. I want to get out of here."
"I want that, too. More than anything. But there's a whole crowd down thehall waiting to talk to us. Welby and some bigwigs from Scotland Yard, MI6,and the CIA. ".
Noel's eyes widened.
"Yeah. The Sovereign was numero uno on the international most-wanted list, only they couldn't touch him quse he had damaging information on everybody."
Noel struggled to rein in needs and desires long delnied Then, unexpectedly, she giggled. "Are the bigwigs going to let me change out of this nightgown first?"
He joined her in the laughter. "Yeah. They've got ; the clothes for you:His expression turned sober q';qgain. " You know, you've committed yourselfto an unloyed nndercover agent, because there's no way I'm to put you indanger ever again. "
"Unemployed, hmm? Were you fibbing about getting a large sum of money for the Sovereign assignment?"
He laughed again, looking as if another burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "No. You're right. I guess I don't have to worry about a job for quite a while."
Her heart swelled as she heard the love and relief and the new note of freedom in his voice.
"Then maybe you can take me on an extended honeymoon"
"That, Mrs. Zacharias, can be arranged."
"And this one," she whispered before his lips captured hers, "I promise not to forget. Ever."
end.