Usagi notes: Hi guys. I'm sorry for the delay in the update. Been busy lately. By the way, I finished reading this book and I must say, it's very very different from the series. While I was translating this chapter, I was listening to the song and it felt so appropriate for this chapter. Makes me sad. Try to listen to it if you have time. By the way, I will change ‘Than’ to ‘Thun’ as that was the spelling used in the series and it avoids confusion. Happy reading y'all. Look forward to a longer chapter 6 soon. (*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)
Author: Larza
Translator: Renkun27
Proofreader: KainGuru
By the time March had arrived, summer began to come back again. I walked back to my grave to wait for his visit.
As time passed by, the end of the fourth month came and the season of Tomb Sweeping Day was about to end. The number of people coming to this graveyard had began dwindling away little by little, yet I still could not see any signs of him at all.
After enduring a short wait, I started feeling anxious. I even thought of various possibilities, until I came up with something bad like his father saw what had happened previously, and refused to let Thun come visit here again.
Or even worse than that—something happened to Thun.
I dismissed that idea and tried comforting myself by saying that I was just overthinking about this matter. Thun might have ran into some problems or something important might have shown up, making it inconvenient for him to come over and visit.
But when I tried to consider that it was like that, the more that it made me doubt something. If he really came across a problem, then should his family still have come and…?
The more I think too much, the more anxious I was. In the end, I tried calming down and stopped thinking when I saw that it was not helpful at all.
There were times when I got so anxious as I waited for him every year. And there were many times too when some thoughts flashed into my mind.
Every time I felt anxious, I always get the thought that I wanted to come after him again.
This thought had been running around in my mind for a while now, but I never really did and take it seriously. Chasing after someone all the way to their house—even when we met one day a year—looked a little too bad.
It was similar to someone who had a one-sided love, and chased after the other, all the way to their house, but also would like to stay there without asking for permission. It would definitely make one look like a psychopath.
Moreover, I had never sat inside a car as a soul before, so I was not sure if I could sit in it or not because both living and non-living things still go through me.
Even though I was almost running out of hope that I could see him come here once again, even then, I still patiently and calmly sat here as I waited.
…until the season of Tomb Sweeping Day had ended and there was only a few who were still here in this graveyard.
I still hoped for his visit anyway.
When time passed by and the seventh month came, I stopped waiting hopelessly for him.
There was a high possibility that the family of that boy was really busy with something. Therefore, even though I was disappointed in a way, everything quickly came back to how things were before.
When I was confident that he had no way to come here, I went loafing around in different places, and when summer was fast approaching, I came back to this grave again.
I sat there, waiting for him. Even though I had only been waiting there for a few days, it seemed like it was a long time, as if I had been sitting there for a year. I waited until I could no longer remember and tell how many days or time had passed by.
I gave it all just to forget how time flowed. Although the number of people in this graveyard had succeeded in stressing out this one point, I still used hope as a last resort for me to continue waiting patiently.
…finally, the second year came, and I still did not see him…
There had never been a time that I spent so much time like this before.
Although I still went on living my life like the way it was before: letting time pass by and doing nothing, waiting alone was not as tiring as it ever had been before.
I had never been so committed to anyone before because there used to be this problem wherein I had to go back and forth to the hospital frequently.
Therefore, regarding going out to run and play or go on various trips with others—this almost never crossed my mind. As time passed by, I became accustomed to living alone, rather than being with others.
If I had to be with someone, it was mostly for the sake of benefits or necessities only.
Therefore, whether I was still alive or dead, there was only him who acknowledged my existence.
There were many times when I could not stand my foolish self for having to sit and wait here earnestly for that someone to this extent, but no matter how much I told this to myself, I still did it anyway.
Even though I had experienced many frustrations in my life…
…but if possible, I did not want to feel dissapointed anymore.
Before I knew it again, it was already almost the third year that I had been waiting for him like that.
Almost three years had passed by so fast, yet it felt so long.
I heaved a sigh. I did not know why I should waste my time, waiting for that one person to come like this. On top of that, it had been almost three years already. so there was a very slim chance that Than would come here again.
But even then, I still had my hopes up anyway.
One day, while I was lying down and looking up to the sky, I heard a loud and familiar noise come over, making me sit up unconsciously.
When I heard that noise and saw a familiar car come into view, I realized that I clearly guessed it right. My heart was immediately filled with joy.
Suddenly, the boy and his father got out of the car. That feeling of joy suddenly turned into another.
Despite not seeing each other for well over two years only, he had grown so much so that I almost could not recognize him.
Apart from the feelings that had changed, I could also feel that the atmosphere between them had changed.
I did not know why but I felt uncomfortable. It seemed like the atmosphere between Thun and his father had changed. Both were seemingly distant and uncomfortable with each other, to the point that an outsider like me could feel it, making it difficult to breathe.
While his father was holding the offerings as he got out of the car, along with many other relatives who came to help in arranging the offerings in preparation for paying their respects to the dead, Thun went straight to my grave. I tried to contain my joy so that it would not be too obvious, but the more that I saw his sincere face, the more that I could not refrain from feeling shocked.
He had grown up a lot— so much that he almost looked like a different person.
“Sorry I couldn't come for two years.” said the young man, before placing a bag down on my altar. He sounded like he was only telling me something calmly. I did not respond in any way, but bent over to look at that bag.
When I saw what it was, the happiness that I felt made me absentmindedly slip out a smile.
“You can still remember what P' likes?”
I asked heedlessly, not sure what kind of answer I wanted to get. After almost three years, I did not think that he would still remember what I liked.
“Well, I must remember everything about P'."
He answered very lightly, so light that I could hardly hear what he said. When I was about to say 'Pardon?' Than cut me off first.
“Two years ago, I had to prepare for the exams and last year, I met an accident, so that's why I couldn't come.” The young man said before he made eye contact with me.
I stopped and mulled over what he said. If that was the case, I had mistaken his age in the past. When we first met, I thought that he was ten years old, when in fact, he was already eleven at that time.
“So…you’re not hurt anywhere, right?” I asked him with concern, then walked around to observe him.
Than did not say anything in response. He only nodded once, which was more like bowing down.
But that was probably because he did not want his father to find out, so he did not dare to act rashly.
“Being safe is quite good.” I sighed with relief. I would like to rub his head like before, but it would seem a little bit funny because I had to look up and reach up to stroke the taller young man's head. “Did you have a fight with your father or not?”
Thun was silent for a short while, before muttering the word "Erm” as his response was stuck in his throat, “Since my Mom passed away…” After he finished speaking, the young man was very quiet for quite some time. "P', were you able to talk with my Mom?”
I blinked at his face. I did not know why he brought this one up and he seemed to have deliberately paused for a long time before he continued to speak.
“If so, please answer me in my dreams.” Thun said with a smile. It seemed like he really did not want an answer regarding this matter. It might have been because he already knew that I did not see his mother, so he did not want to keep me in a tight spot for the answer.
I stopped to think and tried to connect the words that Thun had previously spoken, so it made me understand something.
“Have you been arguing with your father since your mother passed away?” I asked in return.
It seemed that Thun was not determined to ask me seriously earlier; rather, it was more like he said those words previously for me to know more. When I saw the young man nod, it made me feel relieved that I understood him correctly.
But before I could say anything, a voice suddenly came over.
“Hurry up. We'll leave together.” The voice of Thun’s father came over. Thun turned to look at the one who was calling for him before he answered.
“Okay, be there in a moment, I'd like to light the joss sticks first."
When the young man finished responding, he went straight to my altar to place down the joss sticks and ignited them. While he was lighting them, he said something smoothly.
“I'm sorry if I can't come next year.” Thun said. He paused until he finished igniting the joss sticks, then he continued, I have to prepare for the college entrance exams.”
“No, it's absolutely fine. No matter what, you should study hard. I want you to take the test in the university where you want to get admitted to.” I said to encourage him, even though there was almost no motivation left in my heart.
We were able to meet again after almost three years, yet it did not even last for 30 minutes, and then next year he could not come again. Imagine how sad that is.
When I saw that Thun was about to walk away to prepare to get in the car, I quickly followed after him as well. It seemed like he was a little bit surprised by my sudden action, but he did not say anything.
By the time we arrived by the car, I stopped my footsteps and waved him goodbye.
At least, if possible, I wanted to be with him for a bit longer—even if it was only a second.
I looked at the car until it was out of sight, before walking back to my grave, and thinking about what to do tomorrow, while waiting for that fine young man's return.
Without even knowing that trouble was about to begin.