He cried out.
It hurt. Just sheer, intense pain.
Flugel twisted and tried to escape from the searing pain. In front of him, the cutting edge of the spear slowly retreated. First the right arm, then the lower abdomen became free. He heard the sound of the spear drop behind him as it fell to the floor.
He turned around, but his legs got tangled and he fell down on the stone floor.
The pain was not fading. On the contrary, it was getting even worse.
What happened? What had been done? Had he just been stabbed? By whom?
“This…”
Before Ryuuji’s eyes, a hand was suspended from behind the back of a bench.
Drain slowly regained consciousness and stood up.
“This is what was chosen as the trial. This is what I was looking for.”
Flugel tried to get up, but again he was struck by severe pain and could not move.
“You shot me in the head. I was under the impression you hit me with a bullet. However…”
Drain shook his head back and forth. His hair swayed and something purple fell out from it. It was a bunch of rats. A dozen rats crammed around Drain.
Flugel clenched his teeth.
He noticed that the ice covering Drain’s PC body was fake data made by camouflaged rats.
“The bullet that struck me was held back only by a rat that was on my temple.”
Drain looked down at Flugel.
“But, this strike just now was wonderful. Truly wonderful. How did you log in to The World? How did you find my location? What did you do to catch me off guard? I can remember your hardships. You seriously tried to defeat me, you did your best. I understand that.”
Suddenly Brieler Roessel was falling to the floor. Flugel’s right hand clasped the gun grip. It was destroyed by the Spear of Wotan and it fell at his forearm.
“By crushing you, I was able to prove the correctness of my trial…”
Drain was no longer looking at Flugel. He was absorbed in his own words.
“Everything is a coincidence. It is not because my purpose was to took away the Spear of Wotan from the Cobalt Knights. I just took it because they had it. The only thing that could stop your bullets was to have rats on stand-by. So that is the most important thing. Inevitability born according to randomness is the true reality. My reality overcame your tactic that charged your total energy. Right now, I was chosen for the trial and I overcame it!”
Flugel gritted his teeth and stood up. He was about to lose his balance, probably because half his right arm was missing, but he held on.
“Good grief. Yuri Seto, your flaw…” Flugel said with a raspy voice.
“…is that you talk way too much. Everyone hates that kind of guy.”
At Flugel’s left hand was Brieler Roessel which he had removed from his right hand.
He pointed it at Drain.
Drain looked at Flugel. His eyes were glossy, somehow they were tinged with sorrow.
“Stop the show of courage. You may not have noticed it yourself, but here you can see the misery of your PC body. You have a fatal wound. You just escaped immediate death because you are a Schicksal PC. It is not the place to lose consciousness. You will die soon,” Drain said in a dull tone.
“You were the best ordeal for me. However, now it is over. No matter how tough you are, no matter how tough you speak, it is now meaningless. At least approach your final moments peacefully.”
Drain was less than two meters away, in front of Ryuuji. If he pulled the trigger, he would surely hit Drain.
However, Flugel’s limbs suddenly grew weak and he dropped the gun. He was about to fall again so he held his hand against the side of a pew.
“What keeps you going? Is it pride? Obstinacy?” Drain said calmly.
“Or is it perhaps… for your daughter? If that’s the case, then I promise you. I will remove those close to you from the rats’ targeting system. I swear I will never attack the people close to you. Let this be proof of my gratitude and respect for you.”
A rat jumped from Drain’s foot. Flugel tried to avoid it, but he was too slow.
A flash of light burst in front of the Flugel’s face. Just then, Flugel smelled a strong scent at the tip of his nose.
“It is an improved special light. It is eight times brighter than usual… you get a smell like rotten onions, right? That’s evidence that definite damage has been done to your neocortex. However, you do not intend to jump to your death. You just immediately faint. At least you’ll be in peace…”
Drain’s voice struck Flugel’s ears.
“Relax your body and rest. Who could blame you? You did well. Your suffering will be over soon…”
“Good night,” said a rat.
“Good night,” said a rat.
“Good night,” said a rat.
“Good night,” said a rat.
“Good night,” said a rat.
“Good night,” said a rat.
“Good night,” said the rats in unison.
“Good night,” said Drain.
Finally Flugel lost the strength in his feet. It was like his legs had disappeared.
He wondered if he was dead.
He felt no fear. Why did he relate his impending death with the color blue? He had some familiarity with that color. A memory he saw long ago. When did he see it? Blue like a ferocious predator.
But he could not think of anything anymore. His field of vision became dark and narrow as though he were falling.
Falling, Falling, Falling.
I played The World for the first time. Ten years ago. Kaya said I was good at it.
It was a holiday afternoon.
On the sofa next to Kaya, two-year-old Sasha was sleeping soundly.
“What about Fragment?” Ryuuji asked.
At that time Ryuuji was not very familiar with online games, but he knew that The World was an online game that had swept the world and that the trial version was called Fragment.
“No, that’s not it. I don’t think that’s the name,” Kaya said, shaking her head. “That was its name from a while ago. That’s not it now. I was still only a kid. I don’t remember all the details, but my father applied for a lottery and was selected. I was able to take part in a one-day personal tour. It was very interesting. It was so real and exciting.”
So I was very surprised when I saw The World after such a long time. It was the same game my father and I had played long ago.
“I didn’t know that you liked the game,” Ryuuji said.
“So are you going to buy something now?” he continued.
Kaya shook her head. “No. I’ll hold off.”
“Why? Like I’d done with you, I was going to make lots of game memories with Sascha, wasn’t I?”
Ryuuji turned his hand over Kaya’s shoulder and looked at Sasha’s sleeping face.
She is the most important thing to me, Ryuuji thought as he looked at his daughter.
“I reach out my hand and a range of happiness greets me. A wonderful range I must protect.”
“You’re such a poet, but I didn’t know it until now,” Kaya said with a slight smile.
Before he knew it, she said it out loud, but Ryuuji kept up a stern face.
“Yeah. I am a man with a strong foundation in poetry. Super poetic.”
Then he stood up.
“Alright, let’s go. It’s sunny today. It’s a great day for buying games.”
But Kaya did not move. She held Sascha while she sat.
“But…” she mumbled.
“What’s wrong?”
Ryuuji stood in front of Kaya and stooped closer to her.
Kaya spoke with her mouth close to his ear.
“But, I’m dead.”
It was almost a whisper.
“We’re already dead.”
Here it was always 2014 and then 2016.
Intersecting twice, separating, approaching, passing, reverberating―
Constantly, already, always, forever, many times, repeatedly―
Like a worn record repeats the same phrase.
In 2014, Ryuuji was 23 years old. Kaya was 22 and Sascha was three.
In 2016, Ryuuji was 25 years old. Kaya would have been 24 and Sascha was supposed to be five.
Ryuuji’s past was divided between these times. Cut off, torn away, already far away, on the other side. To a place that is out of reach.
Here it was always 2014 and then 2016.
Like a worn record repeats the same phrase.
Here it was always 2014 and then 2016.
At that time, Kaya was driving the car, Sasha was in the passenger seat, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, Kaya was driving, now, she turned the steering wheel to the left, turning, the car jumped sharply, tilted, was falling diagonally, falling, falling, falling, falling, into silence, sinking, sinking, sinking, sinking into the lake, where they can’t be reached, where they can’t be heard, from which they can never return, out of reach, into the grey, they were falling――
Sascha and Kaya were taken out of the car and carried side by side on a stretcher.
Ryuuji tried to go to them and the ground began to undulate, the two of them were moving further away from him, he staggered towards them, but the two were getting further away, so he tried to run, the ground continued to swell, the distance was too far, now they were already too far away, though his legs tried to push his body forward, his movement was too slow, no matter how much he tried to get closer, the ground continued to swell, they were so far, getting farther, farther, separating evermore, reaching out to them, never coming to the women who should have been within reach, he could not reach them anymore, because now the ground was distorted, breaking apart, they were swallowed up by the dark, leaving Ryuuji behind, falling yet again, falling, falling, endlessly falling――
Everything ended like a needle that fell off a record that had completed its rotation. The Minnesang ended and advanced no further. It would just repeat. Now, always, forever――
Intersecting twice, separating, approaching, passing, reverberating―
Constantly, already, always, forever, many times, repeatedly―
Kaya had gotten into a car and fallen into a lake. She had placed her daughter in the passenger seat.
They went away. They just left. They disappeared.
Ryuuji wondered about this many times.
“Did I do something wrong? Did I not do the right thing?”
“I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of it.”
Kaya’s symptoms should have been in remission.
Her marriage with Ryuuji was supposed to stabilize her illness.
However, Kaya was terribly afraid that her illness could be transmitted to Sascha. She hoped that that she would not cause her daughter pain. No matter how much it was explained to her how unlikely it was to happen, it didn’t alleviate her concerns.
If his dissertation, which was under review, would be completed and recognized, Ryuuji had a chance for promotion. Then he might have been assigned to the team of Kaya’s doctors. With only a short time left, Ryuuji could have been able to participate in Kaya’s treatment.
A little later he was able to fulfill the promise he had made at the time of his proposal to her.
“Ryuuji, you have to pay attention to your own body,” Mr. Weiss would say from time to time when he and his wife would visit Ryuuji.
“Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine,” Ryuuji responded.
“Kaya talked about how important you are to her. That girl was so happy to meet you. That’s why I think anyway,” Mrs. Weiss said.
“It was me who was happy,” Ryuuji responded.
Ryuuji got promoted after Kaya and Sascha died. Ryuuji became an associate professor.
It was a meaningless job title. He received the promotion without many strong feelings about it.
One day when he walking after the last lecture of the day, someone called Ryuuji’s name from behind him.
“Mr. Sogabe.”
It was not German, it was dear old Japanese.
When he turned around, standing there was a young male student who seemed to have followed him from the lecture room.
Still young. Too young. Even though the Japanese tend to look young for their age, the student in front of Ryuuji looked like a young boy.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Yo Nomura. I’m an international student from Japan and I am attending your lectures.”
“How many grades did you skip?”
The students who introduced himself blushed slightly.
“I’m sixteen years old,” he answered. “I heard that you are doing research on Real Digitalization. I wanted to know about Real Digitalize and chose to attend your lectures.”
“Why did you come to Germany?” Ryuuji asked. “The person who wrote the book is in Japan. You should have gone to him.”
“You don’t know, do you?” Yo asked. “Dr. Amagi has disappeared. Now, only you, Mr. Sogabe, are studying Real Digitalize.”
Ryuuji was standing in front of the graves of Kaya and Sascha in the light rain. His tears did not come. Not a single tear fell after the two women died. The tears seemed to dry up before they could come out.
Why is life so cruel? The world often shows glimpses of its evil nature.
Only Kaya herself understood her suffering. In the end, something inside her had worn out.
When Ryuuji held Sascha for the first time, he was surprised by how helpless and defenseless she was. She was so small and delicate that he had a hard time believing she could be from this world. As he looked into her face, he saw her big eyes that she inherited from her mother.
If only I can protect them, Ryuuji remembered thinking. I must protect this child… I must protect this child from this cruel world…
My wife fell into a lake of her own volition. There is evidence to suggest that was the case. The man, who said he was an insurance investigator, told Ryuuji this.
A man who came with the investigator said that there was no sign that she stepped on the brake. The man was the police inspector in charge of Kaya’s incident.
“Usually, in the case of an accident, there should be a sign that the brakes had been applied. She had no intention of stopping. That’s the way it looks anyway,” the insurance investigator had said after the police inspector spoke.
“Also, another point is that she put her child in the passenger seat instead of using a child’s car-seat attached to the rear seat. This could also be considered indirect evidence.
“Of course it does not mean that this is one hundred percent correct. The accident may have been caused by something else. It may just be that she was unable to step on the brake. She may just been speeding. That is a possibility.
“In that case, you will need a trial to prove it. Therefore this is a consultation, so could you please sign this document?”
Ryuuji looked at the paper presented to him.
“It is a document that states your acceptance that your wife fell into the lake intentionally. It is unofficial and will not be published. If you sign it, you will be paid twenty percent extra insurance. We want to save the cost and time involved in the trial,” the man continued.
Ryuuji nodded. He took the document, tore it in two and threw it away.
Then he made a fist and struck the investigator in the face.
Professor Mavlet Nyman was not pleased that his student, Ryuuji, was devoted to the study of Real Digitalize.
“That is not science. It’s occult,” the professor said at that time. “It’s good for occultists to dabble in the occult. However, I am not impressed that a doctor plays with the occult.”
“My wife has always been plagued by the stigmata phenomenon,” Ryuuji said. “Whether occult or something else, if there’s nothing left to try, I will do it.”
The professor shook his head.
“But… you’re making too many enemies in the school.”
“I am, aren’t I?” Ryuuji answered.
Beside Ryuuji, only a whisky bottle was richly, purely and amiably shining.
He repeatedly read the papers left by Jotaro Amagi and thought to himself every day while drinking alcohol.
I can not go outside of my world. Kaya, I cannot go to your world.
What were you feeling and what were you thinking about?
The pain that has continually bothered you. It was unreasonable to accept it.
I cannot understand the beauty of your world that you saw in Rostock on that morning and that you tried to tell me about.
Here it was always 2014 and then 2016.
Intersecting twice, separating, approaching, passing, reverberating―
Constantly, already, always, forever, many times, repeatedly―
Like a needle moving over a worn record repeats the same phrase.
In 2014, Ryuuji was 23 years old. Kaya was 22 and Sascha was three.
In 2016, Ryuuji was 25 years old. Kaya would have been 24 and Sascha was supposed to be five.
April, 2016. It was a sunny, windless day. Suddenly the worst news disturbed Germany.
A train going from Munich to Hamburg was involved in an accident.
In addition to too much speed, there was a derailment due to deterioration. Unable to turn the curve, the first car was thrown into a pillar of a highway bridge, the impact caused the bridge girder to fall, and it was a catastrophe in which vehicles on the highway crashed one after the other.
It was later called the worst railway accident in post-war German history, and it eventually resulted in the death of 186 people.*
The only survivor in the first car was a little girl. She was unconscious, but had miraculously survived. Her dog barked and this informed the rescue team. Two hours after being helped, her dog died.
It was a family reunion-like formality, but it was filled with people who had never met. Not one single relative who could be relied upon in regards to Lilie was there.
Everyone’s eyes were shining brightly. They were the eyes of a hyena looking to scavenge.
Their only interest was how the Weiss family inheritance would be handled.
Ryuuji, who had been participating since morning, couldn’t stand the atmosphere any longer and finally spoke up.
“What will happen to Lilie?”
“Who are you?” said the old lawyer who was going through the will process. He looked suspiciously at the young Asians who had come of the Oriental who showed up.
“I am her…” Ryuuji said, getting his words caught. “…I am her relative.”
“She is now at a facility in Eschede. It’s suitable for now, but she’ll be released when the time comes. Anything else?”
“No, that’s all.”
Having said this, Ryuuji remained silent.
Those were the only remarks made concerning Lilie that day.
Ryuuji took custody of Lilie.
The department head spoke.
“I said that only lectures that are not improper for our school will be continued.”
“If it’s Real Digitalization, that’s right,” Ryuuji responded.
“It seems that you’ve been sued by an insurance company. Due to an assault on an investigator. You struck him in front of a police officer.”
“Yes,” said Ryuuji.
“I heard that you had some other lawsuits due to your relative’s troubles.”
“Yes,” said Ryuuji.
“Some voices have been raised that question your attitude to work. Professor Nyman, who returned to Japan last year, seemed to have misrepresented himself in that area, but I did not. Why do you diagree so strongly?” Ryuuji continued.
“This feels like cheap justice,” the department head said.
“It’s better than your toupee,” Ryuuji said.
“There is a problem with your current language.” The department head’s complexion changed.
“Yes,” said Ryuuji. “There is a slight problem with it.”
Ryuuji was called from behind.
“Mr. Sogabe.”
It was not German, it was dear old Japanese.
When he turned around, standing there was a young male student who seemed to have followed him from the lecture room.
Still young. Too young. Even though the Japanese tend to look young for their age, the student in front of Ryuuji looked like a young boy.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Yo Nomura. I’m an international student from Japan and I am attending your lectures. By the way, this is the second time we’ve had this exchange,” he quickly replied. He then presented Ryuuji with a letter.
Ryuuji took it.
“What’s this?”
“I found it on the department head’s desk. It was addressed to you, Professor Sogabe, so I secretly took it. Hey, are you quitting being a professor?” the boy asked.
“I got a warning earlier. I’m leaving here today,” said Ryuuji.
“But you’ll just move to another university, won’t you?” asked the boy.
“Not sure. It’s hard to find a university job nowadays.”
“Then, what will you do, Professor?”
“Maybe now’s my chance to try being a pro baseball player. I’m still in the right age range.”
“I’m kidding,” Ryuuji interjected after a pause.
Yo shook his head and pointed at the letter in Ryuuji’s hand.
“So, I think you should read that letter.”
“Why?”
“Please look at who sent it.”
Ryuuji turned over the letter. It was from CyberConnect Japan.
“What is this?”
“Indeed, what is it?” Yo said as though surprised.
“The Japanese branch is where Dr. Amagi was working. I think they’re probably looking for a successor to my research in Real Digitalization.”
Here it was always 2014 and then 2016.
Intersecting twice, separating, approaching, passing, reverberating―
Constantly, already, always, forever, many times, repeatedly―
Like a needle moving over a worn record repeats the same phrase.
In 2014, Ryuuji was 23 years old. Kaya was 22 and Sascha was three.
In 2016, Ryuuji was 25 years old. Kaya would have been 24 and Sascha was supposed to be five.
Everything ended like a needle that fell off a record that had completed its rotation. The Minnesang ended and advanced no further. It would just repeat. Now, always, forever――
Intersecting twice, separating, approaching, passing, reverberating―
Constantly, already, always, forever, many times, repeatedly―
Like a needle moving over a worn record repeats the same phrase.
However, if the needle advances, the record will play a new song that could not previously be reached.
Here in 2020, Ryuuji is 29 years old, Kaya is 28 years old and Sascha is nine years old.
When they finally got a vacation, they went out towards the Baltic Sea as they had planned for some time. They prepared a new tent because it was too narrow for the three of them when they bought it long ago. They bought a huge new tent for eight people.
They travelled north on the International E-road network. It’s the same way they travelled ten years earlier.
A third of the way along the journey, Sascha and Lilie started to fight about something.
Sascha pulled Lilie’s hair and Lilie began to cry. She heard Lilie cry and then Sascha started to cry.
“Stop it, you two,” said Kaya, who was in the passenger seat, as she turned around and gave them a warning.
It’s good to be lively, but the two of them were too energetic.
Just then, Grit put his large build between them.
“Look, Grit says the same thing. Get along now.”
Grit was already over ten years old. In human years, Grit should have reached the age of the elderly, but he was just as youthful as when Ryuuji took him for walks.
By the time they arrived in Rostock, Sascha and Lilie had already made up and began to wander the beach together.
Ryuuji called his brother-in-law on a telephone after he set up the tent.
“We just arrived.”
“Really? Is that little rascal Lilie being good?”
Lillie and Sascha ran by Ryuuji.
“Yes, she’s very well-behaved. How’s the sister-in-law?”
“She’s in stable condition. Her due date is tomorrow. I can’t see her right now.”
“If that’s so, it would be nice if you took a break too. Have you been sleeping well?”
“You’re right. I should rest for a while, shouldn’t I? I’m sorry for being a bother.”
Grit followed after Lilie and Sascha.
“No need to be sorry. You originally intended to travel with us. No need to worry. I am an excellent babysitter. It’s not a problem.”
After hanging up the phone, he stopped by the store. It was the same as the store that was there ten years prior. Ryuuji bought sandwiches, cereal and diet cola, then returned to the tent.
After a while, the hungry little girls came back and Kaya got them to help with the cooking.
Ryuuji drank cola while watching them.
When dinner was over, he watched the burning red sunset fall over the Baltic Sea, and then he went into the tent.
When he woke up the next morning, he was surrounded by the darkness found before dawn. For a moment he did not know where he was, but he immediately remembered upon hearing Kaya, Sascha and Lilie breathing lightly as they slept.
Ryuuji went out of the tent, taking care not to wake them up. Grit, who was sleeping outside the entrance, opened his eyes, but knew that it was Ryuuji and closed his eyes again, uninterested.
With a cola in his right hand, he climbed the small sandy beach and sat down. He listened to the sound of the waves, smelled the tide and drank his drink in two gulps.
The sky was beginning to slowly brighten.
At that moment, a bird sang somewhere. Ryuuji got up and looked for the owner of the chirps, but could not find it.
Kaya came out of the tent and stood next to Ryuuji.
“Ryuuji?”
“Hey, good morning.”
“Good morning.”
Kaya looked into Ryuuji’s face.
“You always go outside in the morning when you sleep in a tent. Were you not like that before?”
“I’m overwhelmed with happiness. Hehehe,” Ryuuji said. “Want a cola?”
Kaya shook her head in refusal.
The two of them sat side-by-side.
“When I came here last time, the birds sang.”
After a pause, Ryuuji continued speaking.
“So you talked about a robin and migratory birds and things like that.”
“I remember it well,” Kaya laughed.
“Long after, when I thought back on that trip, I wondered why you would have said that.”
“You’re a serious person.”
“I guess so. It is often said that I lack sincerity.”
“No. You are very sincere. In the sense that you do not lie to yourself.”
Kaya shook her head.
“You always try to stick to your principles until the very end.”
The sea, at low tide, was far away.
“Because it can only be done by you.”
For a while, they silently listened to the sound of the waves.
“So,” Ryuuji said, “Can you tell me the significance of the robin?”
Kaya smiled.
“I already forgot.”
Suddenly they noticed that the surrounding area was rapidly getting brighter. They crossed the line from night into morning.
Ryuuji stood up and brush sand off his legs.
“Ryuuji.” Kaya called out.
Ryuuji turned around.
Kaya stood up and stared at Ryuuji.
Her appearance seemed to blend into the light of the early morning.
“Thank you,” said Kaya.
Ryuuji cast his eyes downward. He was silent for a while, then he scratched his nose and raised his head.
“Oh, I wonder. Whenever I have a dream like this, I say these things. I always have to decide what to say. I have been trying to decide for many years.”
He laughed a little.
“I forgot what I intended to say.”
Kaya had a calm and gentle expression on her face.
She had a faint smile. A kind smile, waiting patiently.
“Ryuuji,” said Kaya.
“Goodbye.”
“Yeah. Goodbye,” said Ryuuji.
Translator’s Notes:
*While I can find no listing for a rail accident in Germany in April 2016, this fictional accident is likely partially derived from the Eschede Train Disaster (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eschede_derailment) which occurred on 3 June 1998. Given my previous notes about details that don’t match up with our universe, it seems ever clearer that the .hack universe is its own self-contained meta universe that mimics ours in some ways but follows a different history. Therefore, the creators are not looking to use our world as we know it, rather they take places and events we would know of and fabricate details as needed to fit the story.