Bungaku Shoujo: Volume1 Chapter2
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much, passed away from this world.
time. Whenever I came near her bed to visit her, she would always gently stroke my head
two tiny lines as she smiled.
scrawny hands, her shriveled up face, her muddle white hair, and the disgusting medicine
“You are such a good child.”
jinx on me. My neck would become stiff, my body would shudder.
doubt she would stand straight up from her bed. Her white hair would stand on their ends
was really frightened by these thoughts, so dreaded that I would lie in bed at night, eyes
So, I became even more careful. Careful so that she could not see my true face. I tried even
sweat. I did all I could to comfort her. I even placed my face onto her chest, and sweetly
The skin of the senile grandmother was as dry as arid leaves, and reeked of those repulsive
done I would dash to the washroom. I would rinse and brush my mouth as hard as I could.
cavity. At this point, I often felt I was a very bad child who only knew how to lie well. My
One day, grandmother‟s body became cold. She would not move anymore.
As grandmother muttered this as if to herself, her hand, which was patting my head,
left the just deceased grandmother‟s body on the bed, and ran to the city park to play. I
and hugged me. She said, “Grandma died.” At that time, however, my heart was strangely
After a few days, the funeral service for grandmother started. During the service, I did not
“It is probably because he is so young. He doesn‟t understand that his favorite
When I heard the adults say that, a great sense of shame swelled inside of me. My ears
sad for my grandmother‟s death; No, I was ashamed of my deceitful acts.
◇ ◇ ◇
The time was the following day‟s morning class.
covered the rough drafts on my desk with my school notebooks, and strenuously tried to decide
“To Kataoka Shuuji-senpai,
I think you must be shocked to receive this.
Class 1-2 of Seikudari High School this spring.
think you looked wonderful. From then on I had fallen in love with you.”
“To Kataoka Shuuji-senpai,
I am Takeda Chia, but all my friends call me Chia or Chi-Chan.
This may sound a bit out of the blue, but I must tell you this, I have fallen in love with you
Kyaaa, this is so embrassing!”
moron.)
What on earth am I doing?
“Your compositions do not have enough passion in them. This is a good chance for you to
a love stricken girl would write- something sweet and sour. Something that will make the readers
imitate. If you accomplish this, whoever receives this letter will think „Chia is such a cute girl!‟
touched.”
“I only eat.” She answered shamelessly and snickered.
teacher monotonically explained how chromosomes and genetic worked.
study here are taking down notes seriously. Right now there is only the voice of the teacher, and
listening to the teacher. They are mostly playing with their cell phones under the desks.
right? Writing love letters is not fashionable anymore. Haven‟t most people switched to text
I suddenly realized that I'm writing a love letter during class time, and my face got even hotter.
person who likes Shuuji-senpai, not me…eh, why am I vindicating myself.)
emotions as I write the letter. So, the first thing I tried to imagine was the face of the love
“The student Chia secretly likes is Kataoka Shuuji-senpai. He is an Archery Club 3rd year
Club, however, I saw the handsome Shuuji-senpai practicing archery. Shuuji-senpai‟s steadily
moment, my eyes and the air around me froze; I couldn‟t move my eyes away from him. I
You know, before I saw him, something very bad happened to me, and I was very depressed
But by seeing Shuuji-senpai‟s profile, all my distress became a puff of smoke, and floated away.
shot into my heart.
most fantastic smile I had ever seen! Just like that I fell in love with Shuuji-senpai.
Shuuji-senpai. I heard other club members called him Kataoka, Juu, or Juu-chan, that‟s how I
humor, quite unlike his sober outer appearance. He always crack jokes and stuff and makes
But when he is practicing archery, his serious and imperturbable expression appears. On one
he looks so focused it's a bit scary. However, if he misses the center, he would let out “ah~~”,
cheering at the same time- “I hit it!”
question. From that, my whole heart became filled with anything that has to do with Shuujisenpai.
like me exists.”
way as whenever Chia-san talked about Shuuji-senpai.
just talks and talks about anything that has to do with Shuuji-senpai.
try and express that feeling for her in the letter. If Chia-san's confession failed because of my
I flipped to a new page of the rough draft paper, and I tried to record down Chia-san's inner
“I want Shuuji-senpai to know me.
So I gathered my courage and wrote this letter.”
……
After school, I folded my papers into four rectangles, and gave them to Chia-san.
quite sloppily, so I can‟t guarantee their quality…”
Chia-san started jumping up and down happily. With an expression of delight, she accepted the
“Wahh, there are three letters! You wrote so much during the short lunch break? No wonder you
“You…you are too kind.”
Chia-san attempted to open the folded papers, but I hurriedly stopped her.
“Why does it matter, I want to know what‟s written inside as well. Konoha put everything he got
As Tooko-senpai smiled mischievously, she slowly walked to Chia San‟s side to peek at the
I immediately moved in between them.
“Okay, I know. I'll be going home then. I need to get home fast and write down Senpai‟s letters
petals printed all over them. They're so cute!”
I hectically tried to sway Chia-san to go home.
“Okay, thank you for your help.”
“I know~~~~~~~”
As she left, she fell onto the floor again, but she stood back up right away. She giggled
“Ahh~~~~”, I want to read what‟s written inside. Those are the result of Konoha‟s three days of
squinting at me, my ears started to burn. This is bad, she saw through me again.
the letters would then proceed into your stomach.”
lower lip/chin.
Then she buried her cheeks into her knees, and stared straight with a dazed expression.
“But, so good, love letters. They're so sweet, so tempting to all who see them. Hey, what do you
“I don‟t know……”
“I think that would be a love letter that my lover, with his most sincere effort, put all his feelings
I hold most dearly.”
“But if that‟s the case, I might treasure the letter so much that I don‟t dare to eat it. Hmmm, this
How agonizing!”
showing a painful expression on her face. I couldn‟t help but laughed out loud.
give in to the temptation and eat all there was to eat. I'm willing to bet a Complete Set of
“Ah~~~~”, so mean! You're so mean. You're so not caring about my feelings!”
until I wrote some composition snacks for her. Only then did her mood improve.
thousand times into a notebook, and then I will tear the pages apart, and eat all the pieces into my
“That‟s not very mature behavior, Tooko-senpai.”
“Is Konoha-senpai here?”
I hurriedly stood up.
Takeda-san waved her hand at me. Everyone‟s attention now turned towards me.
I quickly walked down the corridor and turned to the deserted staircase. After she arrived, I
“Today when I was going to school, I waited on the road for Shuuji-senpai. I handed the love
“Oh, that quickly?”
was very impressed at her way of taking immediate actions.
the letter, and then I ran away. After that my mind was hazy- During my morning classes I didn‟t
read the letter by now, what does he think of the letter?'”
“By lunch time my chest felt stiff, and I couldn‟t eat my lunch, so I went to the archery range.
“And?”
“He happily thanked me for the letter! He said that while he couldn‟t immediately accept my
“That was pretty good, wasn‟t it?”
“Yes! Shuuji-senpai said he's never received a love letter as cute as this. This is all thanks to
Contest!”
“No. After Shuuji-senpai read the letter, he seemed much livelier. So I promised him that I'd
“What?!”
Write a love letter everyday…?
letters during mere lunch breaks, this won‟t trouble you at all.”
On the following day, after the end of the first period, Takeda came to my classroom again.
so amazing; you're a genius! You'll definitely become a bestselling author one day.”
“Wah, thank you. I have math next class. I'll try to find time to review the letter. I hope Shuujisenpai
“Yeah…”
Tooko-senpai snickered and said that I had brought this onto myself.
With her legs resting sideways on her chair, Tooko-senpai held a paperback book with one of her
In her hand was American writer Scott Fitzgerald‟s “The Great Gatsby.”
who set up that strange mailbox in the school backyard?”
the writer is Konoha, your letters will be amazing. He'll discuss the details with you.‟ Also...”
bright red lips gave way of a smile. “Who said that the letters were written offhandedly during
“Huh!”
“Ah, Takeda‟s love should be going well! What kinds of reports will she write? Will it be a
yet sweet chocolate cake? The layered taste of a fluffy sponge cake that has custard sauce spread
Her head has again filled with the idea of desserts. Perhaps she got hungry as she thought, Senpai
by one.
waltz, I can just taste the shiny caviar and champagne in a party. I put it into my mouth, a soft
around my tongue. I really want to give the main character Gatsby my most sincere wishes.”
many times, and he finally became disillusion towards love? How could that have an
sense towards literature…
Tooko-senpai suddenly shouted. She sounded as if the end of the world were here.
“What should I do, this book belongs to the school library, and I ate it~~~~”
told the librarian that “we accidentally dropped the book.” (I went with Tooko-senpai because
The following day, Takeda, as usual, ran to my classroom.
relationship yet?”
“Wah, I never thought you would worry about me, thank you so much. Konoha-senpai is so
I blushed. No, it‟s not like that…I asked because I don‟t want to write any more letters. If you
“Actually, thanks to the letters Konoha-senpai writes, the distance between Shuuji-senpai and I
that‟s needed for this love to succeed.”
I encouraged her. Takeda seemed to deeply agree with me, and rapidly nodded her head.
the report, look!”
of the notebook was only about half the size of a regular textbook. A yellow duck is printed on
“It's a bit embarrassing, but I find recording things that happened to the person I love so cheering.
events. So I need to go over the whole thing again.”
Takeda covered her face with her notebook, and shook her head.
before then, I'll still have to depend on you, Konoha-senpai.”
At this moment, Takeda suddenly looked at me uncomfortably.
“Hmm…Are you finding my requests troublesome?”
“Why would I! That‟s nonsense! I am very glad to be at your service to write love letters, ha ha
Again I hid what was on my mind.
“That‟s fantastic! Then, I'll ask for your help tomorrow!”
took her leave.
As I returned to my classroom dejectedly, the male classmates all taunted me with lines like
never knew you were that good.”
As I chuckled, I tried to steer them away from this topic.
too noticeable is not worth the trouble. Even if the sky drops me a present, I still won‟t just take
When I returned to my seat, I felt someone staring at me. I looked around, and there really was a
She is Kotobuki Nanase.
defined; she looks like a modern girl one would find in the rowdier part of a major city. She
person in my class.
best in the world, but she is quite hot.”
April, she always stares at me coldly.
yesterday…
out her right hand, and said to me crudely:
“What?”
code, right? Those who damage or lose library books need to pay the replacement fee.”
Yesterday when I went with Tooko-senpai to apologize, the librarian that was manning the
At that time I secretly swore at my luck. Why did the work schedule have to choose Kotobuki?
Even though Kotobuki had a stern face at that time, and her attitude could hardly be describe as
“You didn‟t intentionally damage the book. This can‟t be help. Please be careful next time.”
But now she wants someone to pay for that 460yen? And that someone has to be me? The person
The moment I pointed out the fallacy in her reasoning to Kotobuki san, she raised her eyebrows,
“I can‟t just go and ask that Tooko Amano-senpai for the replacement fee. She's a very important
addition many student librarians have received her help one way or the other. When I was in first
help, I completed my tasks successfully. So, Inoue, pay up for Senpai.”
“Absolutely not.” (She replied with absolute certainty)
people, so I took out my wallet, put a 500 yen coin onto Kotobuki‟s outstretched palm, and then
“My club president has troubled you. I apologize for her.”
“I'll give you the change later on. If you tell Tooko-senpai any of this, I will beat you.”
I thought those were all the things Kotobuki-san wanted to say, but she continued to stand at the
“…hey, recently there's this first year girl who keeps on coming to see you. Are you in a
“You mean Takeda? There's nothing between us.”
the kind that pedophiles would probably go for. You two are really not in a relationship?”
to her, she would get even madder.
“I was entrusted by Tooko-senpai to be Takeda‟s consultant.”
Ah, damn. Did I say anything wrong again?
“Forget it…what you do with your love life is none of my business. But, if you two are truly not
talk. Doing so would only make other people suspicious of your intentions.”
Next class was Japanese History. I tried to copy down what the teacher wrote on the board onto
together…
Ahhh, what should I do? Should I just give in and write a supremely flirty love letter for Takeda?
land on the windows panels.
◇ ◇ ◇
how I think and how others think was increasing. Things that sadden or pleased others, I
Why do others feel happy?
During track and field competitions or ball games, when everyone excitedly cheered for
farewell to them, I would be like a linguistically challenged foreigner. I stood among others,
stomach would start to twist itself. Other people are talking non-stop, yet I know nothing of
One day, someone stuffed lit firecrackers into the mouth of the class‟s pet bunny. The
for its death; I, instead, only felt extremely disquiet. I fixated my stare on my toes, and I
Why am I not feeling anything from the death of the rabbit?
I laboriously attempted to cultivate the sorrowful emotions, yet my emotion remained as
around, and only I was not crying.
extremely shameful and scared. Why? Why is everyone crying? Ah, I really don‟t
it strange, so I must make myself cry. But my face is so stiff that it is impossible. My face
cannot lift my head, not now. So I lowered my head even further, and put on a melancholic
don‟t know. But, if I don‟t have the same reaction as others, they will label me as a queer,
Now is the time to laugh. I must laugh, and laugh. No, let‟s cry, and cry. No, the reaction
Ah, this ability appears straightforward to everyone else, yet I couldn‟t do it. I really am a
Because I am unable to have the same emotional response as others, my shame and my fear
Amongst a flock of white sheep, I feel like the peculiar black sheep.
or the hunger my companions can feel.
the tragic black sheep can do is covers its black fur with white powder, and pretends to be
If my companions found out I am just a black sheep, would they charge at me with their
others find out my secret.
sprayed onto my body fall off? Would someone yell “He is a black sheep!” I fear this. So
have no other ways.
goofily, just to make others like me. Ah, I sincerely hope that no one will ever find out that
and idiotic clown, just to make others laugh with me, pity me, forgive me. And this can go
Even now I am still wearing the mask, and playing the part of the clown.
“Wow, it‟s raining pretty hard.”
The time was not very late, yet the sky outside the windows was dark. The sky was filled with
The air was moist, and chilly.
I hope the umbrella I placed in the club room is still there.
there was gone.
Tooko-senpai flatly said.
“Remember to put the umbrella back after you borrow it!”
(That Senpai, she keeps on treating other people‟s things as her things, and her things still as her
Is she Jaian? Maybe that‟s also why I got forced to join the Literary Club?
I am the student on class duty today. By the time I finished all the things the teacher asked me to
endlessly whining “So hungry.” There are many old books in the club classroom, but their
“If I eat these expired books, I will get stomach aches.”
“But, if the old books have been cared for properly, they must taste as delicious as ripen French
handwritten works of Natsume, Ogai, or Mushanokouis in the Literary Museum! I don‟t think
still want to have a bite.”
Museum appeared in my mind, and I became a bit concerned.
The History teacher Saeguki-sensei is very strict, and I have his class tomorrow; I figured I
Maybe because it‟s raining, the deserted hallway seemed very quiet.
out from inside the classroom. It sounded like there were female classmates causally chatting
Because they were all girls, I hesitated whether I should just barge in. As I hesitated, I overheard
“Ehh, Eri is aiming for Akutagawa too. Really?”
“Wait a second. I like Akutagawa too. I think he is a very good person.”
It seems like they are talking about which boys they like.
„Akutagawa‟ instead they are referring to a classmate of ours. That classmate Akutagawa is very
looking that he is the type girls like.
the middle of a personal and intimate talk.
“What? Suzuno you like Hirosaki?”
up in the Aquarium to watch the dolphins play.”
“When did you two started going out!”
“And to think that I've only got to the „Hello!‟ and „Bye!‟ stage with Akutagawa. Wait Suzuno!
“Me too! And I don‟t want single scoop, I want double scoops!”
are only allowed to buy 50 yen ice cream.”
themselves very much.
“Then, next up is Nanase.”
Nanase? Nanase Kotobuki-san? It appears that Kotobuki is in the classroom as well.
“Wahhhhh, don‟t let that be true. Nanase is very beautiful. I have no chance of winning against
“I…”
I knew eavesdropping is to be frowned upon, but I was also curious who that harsh and prideful
“I don‟t have any specific person I like. But I do have a person I hate…”
“Inoue Konoha”
My mind became blank all of a sudden. I couldn‟t think. Then I felt my whole head heat up.
people hate.” “That‟s right. Doesn‟t he seem as harmless as air?” “His personality is a bit plain.
“Yeah. He always talks gently, and he smiles a lot.”
“This is why I find him disgusting. He keeps on showing that phony smile to everyone. No one
From my face to my ears, I started to turn red. Even my hands started to shake. My throat started
Why are you saying that about me? I know you don‟t like me. But why do you need to derogate
I really just want to run away from the scene. But my pride won‟t let me; instead I reached out
noticed me.
“Eh? You all are staying behind? Sorry, did I interrupted something?”
it into my backpack.
Kotobuki became furiously red and stared at me. I intentionally looked at her, and tried my
“Then, bye.”
Only Kotobuki-san, who raised her chin and tightly closed her lips, stared intensely at me.
In the damp and dark hallway, I dragged myself through it with a wretched mind.
thinking. The sight of him makes me sick.‟)
others, those who keep on ruining the mood for the sole purpose of expressing their own
mind?
But why, why do you have to describe me as „disgusting‟?
Something intensely hot suddenly rushed up from my throat. I wanted to scream-
-----Konoha, you always laugh so cheerfully~.
just flow out and surface on your face. It‟s so easy to understand you. You are like a little puppy,
So mean, I am not a little puppy! Whenever I countered her, she always covered her mouth with
-----See, you are annoyed again. You are so easy to see through. But, that‟s what I like about you.
(When I was in junior high, I had a girl I loved. I, like everyone else, had been involved in a love
Whenever I heard her voice, my heartbeat would rise. Every line she said to me, they were the
night before I went to sleep, I would take these presents out and admire them.
But my love, just like Gatsby‟s from “The Great Gatsby”, had a ruinous ending. And then I
◇ ◇ ◇
Everyone around me described me as optimistic, cheerful, and gentle.
But whenever someone said I am empathic and gentle, my stomach would start to spasm, I
Whenever I hunger for other people's acceptance, I would act silly and make everyone
is on fire.
Because I am not what others say I am, a gentle and empathic soul. These are just parts of
Therefore, whenever someone complimented me, I have the urge to scream “Ahhgg!”, even
Katsutou [TL note: probably the name of his dog] doesn‟t know about any of my internal
have thought I am a gentle and empathic human.
She is a pure and positive girl. She always laughs without worries, just like a little kid.
But, to such a peaceful and innocent girl, I too despise her with all my being.
Tooko-senpai had put her short-socks wearing, bent legs on the chair she was sitting on. As she
Today her snack was a lavishly decorated hard cover copy of the “Iliad”. This is an epic poem by
Her shiny, cat-tail-like, black French braids extended all the way to her waist. The image of long
caressed her lips. This was a strange hobby Tooko-senpai did when she read. Sometimes she
The raindrops had wet the dirt-covered window panels. There was no sight of the sunshine from
I stopped writing the composition, and asked Tooko-senpai:
“What? What did you say?”
around her.
Suddenly a brilliant shine appeared on Tooko‟s face. Only this topic can divert the attention of
“I'm asking you, do you have someone you like?”
Montgomery, Farjeon, Lindgren, MacLachlan, Cartland, Jordan, Ihara Saikaku, Natsume
there are…”
me. I hurriedly cut her off.
basketball player?”
novelists. You must read Cartland‟s „The Flame is Love‟, a story about a daughter of an
Jordan‟s „Silver‟ was adapted as a manga series. I too wholeheartedly recommend this book. The
was in so much distress that her black hair turned silver in one night. So she decided to seek
tutors. It was a course filled with thi~~~~~ck and sweet love to the rim. That instructor is so sexy,
Ah ah, we are getting more and more off topic.
love?”
Tokoo Senpai tilts her head and looks confused.
(鯉) ]
“I am always in love with food.”
with another human being.” I don‟t know why, but I suddenly feel tired. No matter how
When I finished my sentence, Tooko-senpai put on a faraway expression and quietly smiled.
don‟t know what this means], the mood in the room changed to solemn and serious. Don‟t tell
“I….am in a love Daisatsukai .”[TL note: 大殺界(„big kill dimension‟) is a reading of a type of
reading you can get.]
I had expected something unexpected, and yet at the end I still got startled. I raise my voice and
Tooko-senpai kept on staring at the rain-washed window panel with a dreamy expression
“At the beginning of this year, I went to ShinXXXX‟s Mother [TL note: 新宿の母, A very
have my love fortune told. And she said „you have the love daisatsukai since you were born.
love, concentrate your attentions on something else like academic work or a hobby.‟”
Department Store [株式会社伊勢丹(Isetan), a large department store ], the one that always has
“Yes. And it snowed hard that day. It was so cold.”
“I thought that there would be no one waiting if it was snowing. Indeed, I only waited thirty
My head started to hurt again.
“I really am a girl, of course I care about my love fortune. And to think that all I got was the love
finally meet my man of destiny.”
expression. She even moved her upper body towards me and said:
fall in love with a man in a white scarf. He will be your destined lover. Your love line [TL:
recommend that you must do what you can to succeed.‟ I was actually quite disappointed by this;
“Why would the man be wearing a scarf in summer? Furthermore, you would probably get eaten
Upon hearing that, Tooko-senpai puffed her cheek and became annoyed.
“Or rather, you fantasize too much.”
“Please don‟t use that as the excuse for everything. Gosh, forget it. Sorry for interrupting your
A look of puzzlement appeared on Tooko-senpai‟s face.
“Nothing…”
I moved my face away.
“I don‟t have anyone I like. No one, no nothing. This is for the best…”
Fall in love with no one.
I pray to myself every day that this is true.
“…”
A year ago, when I was forced to join the Literary Club, Tooko-senpai also had that sorrowful
my mind was filled with shame and remorse for making her sad.
I couldn‟t stand the awkward silent mood. So I put the finished compositions on the table and
I opened the rusty drawer, and sure enough, the umbrella that should be there was gone.
Tooko-senpai handed me a light purple collapsible umbrella and smiled.
“Tooko-senpai, why?”
“…is that right. I will be using yours then.”
Tooko-senpai was still smiling as she waved goodbye to me.
flower, with a bang, blossomed completely.
handkerchief or an automatic pencil.
I hold up my umbrella, and stood motionlessly.
I know Tooko-senpai lied to me.
my face. I intentionally kept my distance with them. Even when I laughed with them, the laughs
Tooko-senpai, the real me always come out.
should still always smile for her.‟ Yet every time I'm in front of her, I find it hard to smoothly
What should I do? How do I improve my lying skills?
I looked at the dripping cold rain, and tried to guess how long Tooko-senpai needs to wait before
At the other end of the school complex, a uniformed girl student came out.
She noticed me as well, so she stopped her steps.
With a coarse voice, she mutters “Shuuji…senpai.”
Right after that, Takeda san kneeled down and started crying.
Takeda-san didn‟t answer. Instead she put her wet body and face onto my chest. She wrapped her
and her endless stream of tears.
time I experienced this kind of event, so I was at a loss as to what to do. What happened with
“Chii!”
Suddenly, the kneeled down Takeda-san shuddered once in my chest.
The voice was from the direction that Takeda came from, and it was getting closer. The voice
“Ta,Takeda-san…wait!”
started dragging me away.
Takeda-san?”
Takeda-san frightenedly said. So just like this, she dragged me into the building.
around and coming in our general direction. But since the timing was too short, I didn‟t see his
When we arrived at the school courtyard, Takeda-san finally let go of my wrist. Then she
◇ ◇ ◇
That girl, just like a little puppy, showed an innocent smile.
She is just a naïve, pure, kind hearted, positive, white sheep that is blessed and loved by
A girl like her, makes me fill with jealousy and contempt. At the same time, I couldn‟t stop
Perhaps, maybe, just maybe, this child, can change my being.
Perhaps this girl can save me from my destruction.
human.
But, if she ever found out that I have killed a person before, would she still love me? Would
I am a monster.
spread out on the pitch black asphalt road. I, with my hollow heart, stared hollowly at the
I. killed. a person.